Emma was five years old and was starting to attend kindergarten. Just like many children, it didn't start well. When Emma knew that her mother was going to leave her there, she cried, held onto her mother's arm and clothes, fighting the hands of the adult strangers that prevented her from leaving the classroom with her mother.
She threw up on the spot.
Every school day from then on, the teachers had to deal with the crying girl for several starting periods, it didn't end after she stopped crying because she'll turn into a gloomy girl instead. It didn't take long for her mother to reach a resolution: She'll stay outside the window of the classroom every day to calm Emma down. Emma, of course is entirely happy with this, she stopped crying and tried sitting close to the window every time she had the chance. The teachers, however, were displeased with this dependence Emma had on her mother.
They talked, and her mother decided to not stay with Emma anymore, and they were back to square one.
During recess, Emma would go to her mother and will spend some times together at the playground owned by the school. After her mother decided to leave her to be more independent, Emma only bothered to go to the bathroom and stayed on her seat in the classroom throughout the recess. The reasons wasn't that she didn't want to go out and play, nor was it not fun when games were played alone, it was because she was scared of getting lost.
Emma's navigation skills were so terrible a broken compass could do better than her.
Despite all that, Emma wasn't friendless-even though she can barely distinguish who's who. Most children liked her for who knows what reasons and would invite her to their group and chat away. Of course, Emma's presence in the group doesn't matter because she only acted as a listener and not a talker-and no one talked to her. She found out later, and crept away silently from groups more than a few times. I am just an extra and unnecessary presence, it's better to leave because they don't need me.
Emma was casually minding her own business on her seat, trying to be unnoticed, when a girl came to her and told Emma to follow her. Emma recognized this, usually when a classmate came and invite her to come along with him or her, she will find herself listening to chatters of a group of children-she could understand nothing about the topic they were talking about except about school and homework, which is rarely made a topic-and ended up leaving the group without telling anyone, she'll navigate her own seat with difficulties, and sit down.
This time, however, Emma crawled beneath her seat and cried silently after successfully navigating it. She'd lost sight of the girl in the crowd and panicked, just like before.
This again had drawn attentions to her, the teacher reached under the table, tried soothing Emma, and asked her what was the problem while a group of students made a circle around the scene, watching silently and talking or whispering to their friends. Only a few seemed to be indifferent about this happenings.
Emma could not give an explanation that make any sense.
The second time, the same girl-Emma recognized her by the sound of her voice, her hair style, her skin colour, and her overall body shape instead of just her face-came to Emma and told her to follow. History repeated itself, not really. Emma navigated back to her own seat and-unlike the first time-sat down, spacing out until an external stimuli awakened her, as usual.
Emma was awakened when the girl came to her again and asked for the reason why she ditched her-which was left unanswered, because Emma couldn't put it into words-and wanted her to follow again. Instead of just following, Emma asked her why, which the girl replied, "Just follow me."
Then again, Emma found herself walking towards her own seat.
Another day, the same thing happened again, but Emma reacted differently, she didn't even try following the girl because she knew you're just gonna leave me anyways, why bother?
The girl came back for Emma again, asked her why she didn't follow. Emma had a lot to say but just couldn't make out words. The girl took Emma's wrist and pulled her halfway through the crowd before releasing. Emma quickly grabbed the girl's skirt, and finally managed to follow the girl, and to the teacher's seat-which is across the room from Emma's seat. Emma answered a few questions that the teacher asked but left much more unanswered, like always.
Emma couldn't help but to get irritated because it wouldn't be so troublesome if she'd known where she was supposed to go.
From then on, Emma developed a habit of shyly holding onto others' clothing whenever she doesn't want to be abandoned or get lost. There were times when the others would brush off her hand, she would interpret it as rejection, leave them without a word, and space out on her seat.
No matter how Emma felt, it all turned out just the same.
She stopped crying for her mother three months later, and instead got herself attached to a specific teacher. All the adults' efforts went down the drain.