Fear and Loathing in the Middle of Nowhere

by Becca Grove

Ms. Szymanski

EWC4UI

May 4 2015

Characters:

LINDSAY- A sassy blonde girl with a secret love for Metallica. Is impatient and picky.

WADE- Lindsay's boyfriend, who crashed their car in the middle of nowhere. Is laid-back and an animal lover.

JANE- A plain teenage girl who has a rivalry with Lindsay. Has an adventurous streak and is short tempered.

PETER- A nerdy guy who secretly has a crush on Jane. Is shy and often rambles too much.

DRIVER- An old man driving a truck. Is friendly and helpful.

LINDSAY and WADE walk along a dirt road. On the right side of the road is a single tree and some bushes. There is no civilization in sight. LINDSAY is visibly tired and WADE is fiddling with his cell phone.

LINDSAY

(whines)

Wade, where are we?

WADE

Babe, be patient! I'm trying to get a signal.

He holds up his phone and points it in different directions, trying to find a signal.

LINDSAY scoffs at him and stops walking, her arms folded.

LINDSAY

You just had to check your phone while driving, didn't you?

WADE

Hey! I wanted to make sure Momo was okay!

LINDSAY

You and that stupid cat! Well, if you had waited until we got to a pit stop to text your mom, we wouldn't be stuck in the middle of freaking nowhere! Look at this! My dress is all dusty! Do you know how much these things cost?

WADE

(scoffs)

Well excuse me! I swear, you're so needy sometimes!

LINDSAY harrumphs and walks over to the tree. WADE sits next to her.

A few minutes later, two more people- JANE and PETER- walk down the dirt road and stop.

PETER

There has got to be a phone booth or something out here.

JANE

Face it, Pete. We're stuck. There's not a soul out here for miles.

PETER

(flustered)

Not a soul? Y-you mean, we're alone...together?

PETER straightens his glasses and clears his throat.

You know, Jane...there's something I've been meaning to-

JANE

(interrupts PETER)

Wait wait! There's people over by that tree!

She waves at them.

Hey!

LINDSAY and WADE look up.

LINDSAY

Who is that?

WADE

I dunno, babe.

JANE walks briskly over to them, and PETER reluctantly follows. JANE gives them a friendly smile.

JANE

Sorry to bother you, but our car broke down a few miles away and we were wondering-

She recognizes LINDSAY and stops smiling.

You!

LINDSAY

Oh my god. Jane Vasco?

WADE

Linds? You know this girl?

LINDSAY stands up.

LINDSAY

Of course! She's famous for being the most plain, boring person in school!

She grins wickedly.

Oh my god!

PETER

(to JANE)

What is she talking about?

JANE

Oh don't mind her, Pete. She's just a bully. A piece of-

PETER

Jane!

JANE

...crap bully.

LINDSAY

And Peter Walsh? Lonely chess team champion?

She puts a hand on her hip and smirks at PETER.

You could do way better than "Plain Jane" Vasco.

JANE

Well Linds, if you're so much better than us, then what are you guys doing out here in the middle of nowhere too?

LINDSAY scowls at Jane.

LINDSAY

Well if you must know, our car broke down too. Not that it's any of your concern.

WADE

Well technically it crashed...

LINDSAY

hisses at WADE

Shut up!

She turns back to JANE.

Anyway, it's really none of your business, so you can take your little boy-toy and keep walking.

JANE gets angry and lunges at LINDSAY, but PETER holds her back.

PETER

frantic

C'mon! Don't fight now!

JANE

hisses

Stay out of this, Pete!

She glares at LINDSAY.

Look, we're stuck on a road in the middle of nowhere. You're stuck on a road in the middle of nowhere. And unless you have a helicopter on the way, we're both lost. There's no point in acting like a smug snake.

LINDSAY

Who are you calling a snake?

JANE

exasperated

Oh for the love of- Forget it!

JANE stomps away and sits down next to a bush. She wraps her arms around her legs and buries her head in her knees. PETER goes over to her and sits next to her.

LINDSAY rolls her eyes and sits back down under the tree. WADE shrugs and walks away, still checking for a signal on his phone.

PETER takes off his jacket and sits on it. He plays with his hair and tries to talk to JANE.

PETER

Hey...Jane? There's something I want to tell you.

JANE turns to look at PETER.

JANE

What is it?

PETER

Well...I...um. Well, since we're out here by ourselves-

JANE

(glares at LINDSAY and WADE)

Barely.

PETER

(continues)

See, the thing is...I like you.

JANE

(confused)

I like you too. You're my best friend! You're practically like my brother!

PETER closes his mouth and looks away.

JANE

So what did you want to say?

PETER shakes his head.

PETER

(murmurs)

Nothing. Nothing.

He stands up, walks over to the tree, and sits under it. He buries his face in his knees.

JANE frowns and walks over to the tree after him.

LINDSAY looks up at her.

LINDSAY

(scoffs)

Come to join the party, loser?

JANE

Shut it, blondie.

She sits down and looks over at PETER.

Pete? You okay?

PETER ignores her and stands up. He goes over to WADE, who is standing to the right of the tree.

LINDSAY

What's his problem?

JANE

snaps

Why do you care?

LINDSAY

Just wondering! Jeez!

JANE

sighs

I dunno, he told me that he liked me, and I said I liked him too, like a brother.

LINDSAY

Ouch, friendzoned.

JANE

What's that supposed to mean?

LINDSAY

It's when you like someone but they only think of you as a friend.

JANE

But he doesn't like like me though! He's my best friend!

She pauses, finally realizing what she just said, and groans.

Ah crap...

LINDSAY

Wow, "Plain Jane" Vasco: a heartbreaker. I didn't think you had that in you.

JANE

Oh shut it.

She starts sulking.

Well this is just great. My own best friend won't talk to me and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with you of all people.

LINDSAY

Not for long.

LINDSAY takes an iPod out of her pocket and puts in her headphones. JANE leans over curiously as LINDSAY scrolls through her songs.

JANE

Is that Metallica?

LINDSAY

Yeah, why? Are you a fan?

JANE

Not really, I haven't really heard any of their stuff. Are they any good?

LINDSAY

shocked

How have you not heard Metallica?! They're fab!

She takes out one of her headphones and hands it to JANE.

Here!

JANE puts the headphone in her ear and listens.

This is from my favourite album of theirs.

JANE

Favourite album? You've heard more than one?

LINDSAY

Of course! I have all their stuff.

JANE

Wow, that's something I did not expect.

LINDSAY

Well maybe you shouldn't judge people's appearances. For instance, I had no idea you were a heartbreaker-

JANE

That's not funny.

LINDSAY

(sighs)

Fine. But if I can't pick on you, what else can I do to pass the time?

JANE

Help me out with Peter? If you know so much about "friendzoning".

LINDSAY

Fine then. Here's what you do...

LINDSAY and JANE start talking. Meanwhile, PETER tries talking to WADE about JANE, but WADE is too busy with his phone.

PETER

Hey, Wade? You know about girls, right? I mean you have a girlfriend...

WADE

(occupied)

Yeah, sure pal...

He holds up his phone and gets a small signal.

(mutters to his phone)

Come on baby...

PETER

Well, see the thing is...I like this one girl-

WADE

You mean the brunette you were with? Jade or something?

PETER

Jane. Anyway, I told her I like her, but she said she thought of me as a brother.

WADE

Ouch, friendzoned!

PETER

Uh...yeah. What do I do?

WADE

I dunno man.

PETER

(grumbles)

Well that's just great.

WADE

Look, guy.

WADE turns around and faces PETER.

If a girl doesn't like you, she doesn't like you. But if you really want her to give you a chance, then tell her how you really feel. Not just this 'I like you' crap. Say how you love her smile, her sense of humour. How you would feel complete if she were to become your girlfriend. Be meaningful about it, or else she ain't gonna care.

PETER

O-okay! Thanks buddy!

WADE

(focusing on his phone again)

Whatever you say, man.

The signal drops and Wade shakes his phone in frustration.

Dammit!

Meanwhile, back with LINDSAY and JANE.

JANE

So I just tell him how I really feel?

LINDSAY

Yeah! If you want him to leave you alone, tell him to leave you alone. And if he can't accept how you feel, then he's not worth being your friend.

JANE

Well okay. Thanks...Lindsay. You're not as much of a bully as I thought you were.

LINDSAY shrugs.

LINDSAY

And you're not as much of a loser as I thought, I guess.

PETER walks up to them.

PETER

Jane? A word?

JANE

I was going to say the same thing!

She stands up and they both walk back to the bush from earlier to talk.

PETER

There's something I have to tell you.

JANE

Same here. You first.

PETER

I'm in love with you.

JANE

Pete-

PETER

interrupts

Now I know that you already said you think of me as a brother, but I want you to know- I'm not mad. I mean I was, but I've been thinking, and...well...I want you to know how much I care about you. I've been lucky to call you my best friend all these years. You're an amazing person. If you were to become my girlfriend, it would make me the happiest guy on earth.

JANE

Thank you, but...I don't like you in that way.

PETER

(disappointed)

Oh.

JANE

The thing is, I love you as a friend, but that's it. I feel like if we were to start dating, it would just make everything all weird.

PETER is silent.

...you're not mad, are you?

PETER

I dunno. I'm disappointed, I guess, but I guess I shouldn't be mad.

JANE

Do you still want to be friends?

PETER

Of course!

JANE

(smiles)

Good.

Suddenly the sound of a car driving comes from a distance. At the tree, LINDSAY jumps up.

LINDSAY

Do you hear that? Someone's coming!

A van comes into view. LINDSAY runs to the edge of the road and starts jumping and waving.

HEY!

JANE and PETER join in.

JANE, PETER, LINDSAY

Hey! Help!

The van stops in front of them and the DRIVER- an old man-rolls down the window.

DRIVER

What are you kids doing all the way out here?

JANE

Our car broke down a few miles away. Can you give us a ride back to the city?

DRIVER

Sure thing. Get in!

The driver pushes a button and the door automatically opens.

LINDSAY

gets in first

Oh thank god!

JANE and PETER get in the van after LINDSAY. The door closes and they drive away.

WADE walks back to the tree and looks around.

WADE

Hey! Where did everybody go?

THE END