I Can't Believe I Have the Girlfriend of My Dreams!
An Unromantic-Love Comedy Light Novel.
Kazuki Kaneshiro is a boy down on his luck. After being rejected by the school's "Ice Witch" Akane Yuki in front of the whole school, he gets into an accident! Miraculously, he wakes up in the hospital with no injuries! As he tries to get back to his normal every-day life, he starts having weird dreams…where Akane Yuki is somehow his girlfriend! So comes the unromantic-comedy of Kazuki Kaneshiro's journey to make the girlfriend of his dreams a reality!
Romance, Comedy, Drama, Psychological, Manga
Lazarus & Waterboy
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Weekly updates every Sunday 8pm PST, until end of volume.
I'm feeling light-headed. I don't know where I am, but I can tell this is definitely not my room. There's an unfamiliar septic scent hanging faintly in the air. I look up at the ceiling at the large fluorescent lights and wonder where exactly this could be. I turn my head, only to be startled by my childhood friend, Daisuke Akatsuka, leaning forward eagerly in a chair beside the bed. He was a fair bit taller than me, and his long torso brought him obnoxiously close to my face.
"Kept me waiting, huh Kaz?" he says sarcastically.
"Where…am I?" I mutter, as I notice the medical equipment hanging from the walls. It seems like some of it was there to monitor me, as I rub my chest to find a neat nest of wires running down my skin. I look down at my legs to see that I'm wearing a thin blue gown.
What am I doing in a hospital?
"Lucky for you, the doctors say the worst of the damage is just a small bump that'll go away in a couple weeks. Only you and your big head could've survived that!"
Suddenly my memories come flooding back to me. I was riding my bike home from school, and I'd taken the shortcut that led to one of the busier roads in town. I remember turning onto the road, seeing the bright headlights of a truck, and then… nothing. Mother always told me not to take that turn at night, but it had gotten late, and I wanted to get home quickly that day. Taking the shortcut has never been a problem for me, but I guess I was just distracted from the day's events.
"I'm glad you're OK Kazuki. What would I do if my partner in crime died on me like that?"
That was about as much emotion as I'd ever seen out of him. The cracks he was showing in his usual tough-guy act let me know that he really was worried.
"How long have you been sitting here Daisuke?" I ask, looking for some hint of the passage of time here.
An uncomfortable and nervous look pervades his face as he looks down at his hands.
What? That's not good! Was it that long?
I sit up in my bed and lean forward to repeat my question, only to see that he's using his fingers to count the days. I've never been more relieved to realize that my friend isn't much of a genius.
"Uh, not long, I guess? I think you've been out for less than a week. I just happened to be in the hospital today and saw your name down the hall. The teachers told everyone in school about your accident, so I figured I'd come in to check on you as well."
Less than a week…? What could I have missed out on?
My thoughts are interrupted by a sharp pain in the front of my skull. I hold my head in my hands to comfort myself, and it subsides after a moment.
With my hands still on my head, I notice the tightly wrapped bandages placed over the bump. I lay back down and stare at the ceiling, trying to relax. It's funny; even though I've narrowly escaped death, there's something oddly reassuring about being in a hospital. At the very least, I feel lucky, like someone is watching out for me. Things haven't been all that great lately, but still, I feel lucky to be alive. Daisuke interrupts my introspection by throwing a stack of papers at me.
"By the way, here are your missed assignments."
Well, back to reality, I guess.
I flip through the papers, and notice that each assignment has a duplicate.
"You can do your own homework, dummy!" I shout at Daisuke, as I throw his stack back at him.
Daisuke laughs, his unfinished homework covering him in that stupid chair.
"Well, it was worth a shot!"
Did he really think that would work on me?
Somehow, I'm not surprised he just did that.
"PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!"
After a brief moment, the merciless silence was broken only by the venomous laughter of the students around us. I could hear them enjoying my pain.
"How desperate is he?"
What was intended to be a one-on-one situation had somehow been advertised as a live event to the entire school. I say "somehow", but I have my money on Daisuke's big mouth. There she was: Akane Yuki, the infamous "Ice Witch" of Kasumigaseki High, standing in front of me. I have my head bowed, waiting for her response, so I can't see her face. I can only hope she's smiling, or blushing. Something cute, like in the movies.
Instead, when I stood straight and turned my eyes to hers, her face was completely blank. It was slightly red, but she wasn't exactly blushing. I was staring at an oddly terrifying combination of indifference and anger.
"Is this some kind of joke? Have we met before?" she said, her expression never changing.
We sit next to each other in class!
The crowd around us was losing their minds. I can only imagine how funny this looks from the outside looking in, but from where I'm standing, I just wish that I could disappear. The Ice Witch's words struck me like a blizzard; I was decidedly average, but I had at least assumed she knew who I was.
Somebody, please, save me!
By some divine intervention, the school bell rang and saved what little reputation I may have had left. Of course, the fact that we sit very close together in the same class makes it a double edged sword. After a second of wondering whether or not I should run to class so I could put my head down and avoid seeing her, I noticed that she had already left. I head back as quickly as I can to see if I can at least switch seats and hide.
On my way back to class 2-B, Daisuke ambushes me and puts me in a headlock. "Wow cherry boy, you sure got guts!"
The idiot had actually convinced me that the infamous Ice Witch was interested in me. Ever since her new transfer to our school last semester, I've wanted to try to get to know her, but I didn't have the courage until my best friend fed me some dangerous lies about overhearing her fawning over me. Valentines' Day was coming up, so I thought now would be the time to make my move. Of course, I hadn't counted on Daisuke's deception, or Yuki-san not having ever even noticed me.
"Dude you set me up! You said it was just going to be me and her, and you said she was into me!" I yelled, my cries falling on willfully deaf ears.
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually do it! It's your fault for taking my word for it, anyway." he said, still laughing. After a moment, he stopped and turned to me, his voice much softer.
"Besides, you kept going on and on about that girl last semester, so I figured you might as well get it over with now. I only knew about that spot because I saw her there one day when I was leaving early. I could've died for that information, you know."
The Ice Witch of Kasumigaseki High didn't even as much as look at anyone the whole semester, as far as I could tell. For example, during lunch, she just disappears to some spot on campus where she can be alone. I guess after today, everyone knows about her spot. If she didn't know who I was before, she certainly does now, but only because she hates me for taking her privacy from her.
This is a disaster.
I wish that things could have turned out differently. For the past few months, she's all I can think about. I know it doesn't make very much sense, since we don't even really know each other, but I can't get her out of my head. From the moment she introduced herself to our class, I was in love.
"Nice to meet everyone. I hope we can get along." she said, as she smiled.
It was like any other day until that point, and then there she was. My heart nearly stopped as I watched her, standing in front of the class, her long black hair draped over her delicate shoulders. She was slim, and nearly as tall as I was, but she filled out her uniform in a way most other girls here never would. Her skin was as white as the driven snow, which made her hazel eyes shine as though they were brilliantly painted, leaping off of canvas. She was well mannered and soft spoken, but the way that she carried herself told me that there was a supreme confidence within her. Here was an elegant woman, exuding class, and yet she had found her way here, at some second-rate high school in some small, insignificant town. If I could find a single flaw, it would be her smile. There was something off about her smile, something about it that didn't quite feel genuine. It looked like it had been rehearsed, like an actor's. Our eyes met for a split second as she walked towards me, taking the open seat in front of me. When I looked into her eyes, I immediately felt intimidated. It was as if she was warning me not to speak to her. Even though I felt that I knew the intention behind her glare, I couldn't help but feel strangely comforted. When I think about her, her smile, her gaze, the picture comes together, and I can feel something beneath the surface, something I can't explain my desire to see. This was the woman of my dreams. This was my destiny, right before my eyes, and all I had to do was reach out and take it.
The only problem was that I seemed to be the only one who looked at her with admiration. After her introduction, all of the girls in class 2-B asked Yuki-san to hang out with them, or go to their club meetings. In spite of her delicate frame, she proved herself to be a natural athlete, and so the various sports teams and clubs wanted to recruit her. She even outran our school's track star, Mary Kaneko, who's won multiple regional competitions! However, Yuki-san shot down every single invitation from everyone.
"Are you in any clubs yet?" asked Renge-san, the president of the literature club.
"No, but regardless, I am busy today." she would say, or "I have to study for exams."
It wasn't a lie; ever since she entered our class, she had scored the highest on nearly every exam and quiz. Almost overnight, she became the most athletic and intelligent student on campus. A normal person would have taken advantage of the chance to become the most popular person at school, but it seemed like she was actively avoiding everyone for some reason. Eventually, the invitations stopped completely. It was odd to have someone with so many positives choose be a hermit. Her dismissive attitude towards anyone and everyone around her led to her infamous reputation as the "Ice Witch", and soon enough, everyone resented her.
Except me of course.
"You're an idiot!" screamed Kaneko-san, as she ran up to me and Daisuke in the corner of class 2-B we'd been hiding in.
"It was obvious she was going to reject you, and you still went for it you dummy!"
Kaneko-san was in the more lively class 2-A, along with Daisuke. It seemed like all of the louder students were stuffed into that room, since I could hear them screaming at each other from across the hall every day.
"K-Kaneko-san?!" I say, surprised at her sudden appearance.
Kaneko-san was standing over me at my desk in her weathered red track suit. It was her trademark, and she always managed to keep it on outside of sports activities in spite of our uniform policy. Other than that, the first thing you'd notice about her was that she was quite short, which was strange, considering her athleticism. Her tiny frame fit her high-pitched voice, as well as her bubbly personality. Her father was a foreigner, so she didn't look like everyone else at school. Her eyes were a bright blue, and her long blonde hair was always done up in a ponytail to keep it out of her eyes when she ran. There was an overseas exclusive Masked Avenger pin attached to her suit, which she told me her father got her when he was away on business in America. Her love of old superhero shows and sports made her seem a lot more like a boy, so it was pretty easy for me to get along with her without feeling nervous at all. Unfortunately, it meant she was also as tactless as Daisuke when it came to handling my feelings.
"Hmph! I'm glad she said no though, otherwise you wouldn't have time to tutor me anymore! Besides, you know you shouldn't be dating my rival anyway, you're supposed to help me beat the Ice Witch Kazuki-kun, not join her!" pouted Kaneko-san.
"Mary-chan! C'mon we're gonna be late for practice!" shouted the other track team members outside.
Before I had time to come up with something witty, she ran off like the roadrunner. Her feet are a lot quicker than her head.
I'll get her next time.
Last year, our counselor, the supposedly certified Dr. Mori, "encouraged" me to tutor Kaneko-san when her grades were starting to fall. What with my complete lack of a social life and my adequate test scores, she had pinned me as the ideal candidate for the job. Dr. Mori explained to me that, as the premier athlete representing our school, it doesn't reflect well on the staff if Kaneko-san appears to be a complete airhead. Ever since then, Kaneko-san and I would study together every day in order to bring her grades up. Math. English. Literature. We studied it all. It was a pain at first, since she loses focus easily, but it gave me a chance to review for my own classes, so it was worth it anyway.
Over the last year, we've gotten to know each other a lot better. I could never have imagined being friends with a girl like this before. Everyone in town knew about Mary Kaneko, Kasumigaseki High's "roadrunner" track star that won us the state championships last year. I would see her passing by in the hallways, and although we were in the same class last year, we never talked much at all. She would always be surrounded by an entourage of admirers that did anything they could for her, laughing at her painfully unwitty jokes, and generally treating her like royalty. Being half-Caucasian further expanded her reputation as a celebrity in our school, due to her being somewhat exotic and mysterious. Everyone in our school was watching over her, waiting with bated breath for her next milestone. The faculty was relying on her to bring back some sense of relevance to the school, always encouraging her to do her best.
When it came to Mary Kaneko, I always felt that someone like her would never be interested in being friends with someone as unremarkable as me. It was hard not to be in awe of someone who had worked so hard to make it to the top. It was almost surreal, sitting down with her for that first tutoring session and trying to figure out how I was supposed to somehow be in charge of the situation. She was as loud and obnoxious as I could have expected. It was almost like teaching a small, girlish Daisuke.
I remember our first session.
I'm waiting for Kaneko-san after school inside one of the open rooms on campus. It was an old clubroom in a building off to the side of the school's main building that Dr. Mori told me she had reserved for these lessons. I check the dusty clock on the wall out of sheer boredom. She's about 30 minutes late.
Where's the roadrunner? Maybe I should leave this stupid place since she's not coming.
I start to pack my things, but I'm interrupted by the sound of the sliding door shooting open. There she was, standing in the doorway looking like she had sprinted all the way here. Mary Kaneko has finally arrived.
"I don't need your help, you idiot!" yelled Kaneko-san. She's already wasted my time, and now suddenly I'm being yelled at, so I decide it can't hurt to stand up for myself.
"I don't want to be here either, but the fact that you're here in the first place tells me you're wrong." I rebutted.
"You… you shut up!" she screeched, her blood rushing to her cheeks. I could almost see steam coming out of her ears.
She slowly lets down her guard, reluctantly heads towards me, and plops her things down onto the table. I see a pin on her tracksuit as she hangs it on the back of her chair. It was a worn "Masked Avenger" pin, exclusively from overseas. I'm excited, but I can't let her see my weakness; I was too old for that stuff anyways. For the first time I can remember, Kaneko-san is less than a couple feet in front of me, and I notice how large and expressive her eyes are. Because of her height and that slightly baggy tracksuit, she usually looks like a child, but without her jacket I can see that she fills out her uniform nicely. For a moment, I'm reminded that I'm sitting alone with the most popular girl in school, and that I'm way out of my element.
"What are you staring at, pervert!?" yelled Kaneko-san, blushing as she wraps her arms around herself to hide herself from my prying eyes.
"Uh…nothing! I was just wondering about your Masked Avenger pin. Where did you get it?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.
She calmed down. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I may have been staring too long…
"I got it from my father, when he was on business. I like that kind of stuff, even if it is for kids."
Kaneko-san rubbed her pin lightly, her thumb slowly running across the faded paint. I'm still surprised she likes that hero stuff, especially being a girl. I look at the clock, and notice that we had to start soon.
"Anyways, since English is somehow your weakest subject, let's go over that first." It made no sense, since she was half-American. You would think that she would have an advantage over all of us, but she managed to consistently score poorly.
"What do you mean 'somehow'? I just forgot to study, that's all. I can speak it naturally of course, but on paper it's hard, and there's so many rules…" she whined. She said some stuff in English under her breath, and I could tell that some of the words were, to put it lightly, foul.
"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." Kaneko-san was shocked that I was able to hear her mouse-like whisper. My exceptional hearing had finally come in handy for something, though I don't think I've done much to stop her from talking like that.
We spent every night going over subjects last year, and by the second semester she improved dramatically. When she got her first passing grade, she ran into my classroom and shoved the paper straight in my face.
"HAHA! I scored a 70! There's no one that can stop me now!" She let out a rather villainous laugh.
This could get out of hand, I better say something.
"Thanks to my help, you know."
"Shut up, you… you idiot! she pouts.
"But…thank you." For a second, I thought I saw something resembling affection, or gratitude at least, but Kaneko-san reverted back to her energetic self before I could really analyze it.
It was great to see my hard work pay off! The only problem is that she scores higher than me overall in the exams now, and she's not gonna let me forget that anytime soon. I should be proud that the student has become the master, but with Kaneko-san I'm afraid of what that could do to her ego. I'll have to try to put her in her place sometime soon.
Before I knew it, the day was over, and it was time to go home. I let Kaneko-san know that I didn't feel well enough for our session today, and told her we could resume tomorrow.
I just want this day to be over…
I grabbed my old bike that could barely hold together on the road. I've wanted a new one for years, but I don't have enough money. I've tried looking for a part time job, but the school forbids students from working. The only way to get a job without the school knowing was taking one across town, but that wasn't worth the effort for me; I'm not that strapped for cash, and I'd probably destroy my old bike in the process.
It takes about half an hour for me to get home, and the sun has already begun to set by the time I begin to head home. This morning, my mother told me to stop by the convenience store to pick up some milk on my way home. Well, I should say she demanded that I pick up a new carton, since I managed to spill the entire thing all over the kitchen floor when I tried to pour myself a glass last night. It was a nightmare to clean, being thicker than water and all, and it got absolutely everywhere. The street lights were already on by the time I made it to the store, so I knew I had to hurry if I wanted to ride home with any sunlight left.
It's getting too dark, I'll have to take the shortcut.
The secret shortcut would cut my time in half. The only problem was that it was off road, and passed by the abandoned factory that everyone in town swears is haunted. People hear noises there at night, but I'm willing to bet it's just kids messing around. I can only hope that my bike stays in one piece through this route.
I'll ride carefully.
Oh, who am I kidding. What a rush going downhill and off-road on a bike! It makes me think of when the Masked Avenger rode his motorcycle at mach speed to make it in time to save the day.
I pass by the abandoned factory, ignoring what sounds like someone playing with fireworks and I pedal as fast as I can. I don't care if it's just kids messing around, I'm not taking my chances with ghosts. With my burst of speed, I finally make it back to the main road. I'm so relieved and excited that I can't help but scream.
The short cathartic shout gives me a sense of peace after today's misery. I sigh as my muscles relax and I slow down to a more normal pace, so I can get enough control to turn away from the black truck coming toward me. I pull on my brakes, but the bike doesn't slow down. Panic starts to set in as I realize that I must have busted the brakes on that shortcut. The headlights were coming closer and closer every second towards my exit. I'm not going to be able to stop!
I drop my second carton of milk today, and as I lose consciousness, I can only be thankful that I won't have to clean this one up.