That parting piece of advice from her mother had made things all the more complicated for Jackie, it was stressing her heartbeat just flying fretful scenarios about a possible love interest having to pin her shoulders against the wall to question her why her womanly parts were poorly tended, unwomanlike, just because she was afraid to use a razor. She wasn't so unknowledgeable as not to suspect what Rose was talking about.
When a boy and girl decided to be together they would eventually have to get intimate, in other words body contact and other stuff would be waiting just around the corner. Unshaved armpits, legs, or pubic hair, they were all embarrassing skeletons in a girl's closet. Body hair was for the guys, like her grandpa Leroy, who was not embarrassed to show a manlike growth on his legs. Girls on the other hand, being the rival gender, weren't just going to showcase the same qualities as grandpa Leroy, it was ridiculous to even think about.
They had to show something different.
Men were too lazy to shave anything besides their beards, some of them were so lazy they were not shaving even those. So, where men were like lazy, yawning lions to bother, girls would have to show they were neither lazy nor yawning. They'd show the men they could take care of their bodies better than they did, so the men would drop their jaws at how meticulously-cared a girl's body could be.
A mountain of adult-logic was slowly sinking in to Jackie's naive mind. She was slowly seeing the reason why her mom had been undertaking 'maintenance' on a sharp schedule. Now thinking like a woman herself, she was starting to understand the crucial point of making the difference.
Now she was already nineteen, possessing an even more conscious outlook about those things than when she was just a girl. It was exactly because Jackie had woken up to reality that she was trusting her own judgement. Time and time again she'd weigh up the pros and cons of shaving, but the end result would always be the same.
It wasn't worth it.
Her mom had said guys liked their girls shaved clean, but Jackie didn't have someone like that. What was the point of going through shaving every day when nobody was going to notice her anyway? From her point of view it was just wasted time and effort. She'd just settle for half-measures, trimming the bush down to a savanna, just enough so that it didn't get in the way. Cutting through a savanna was better than squeezing your way through a wild bush for sure, still worse compared to a smooth downslope trip on a snowsled nonetheless.
She only wished her mom had never introduced her to the razor, that smoothness from back then truly had no equal. Even having her pubes trimmed was inadequate compared to that clean feeling, it was the very reason she'd be especially reminded of her pitiful half-measures when she'd try to indulge in her private time, somewhere in her mind regretting not shaving and thus losing yet another opportunity to experience that amazing feeling again. Nevertheless, it was all a matter of time before she'd acclimate and compromise for that inadequate feeling. Once she'd reach the destination point and get her fingers down to work, she'd forget all about pubic hair, scissors, razors and whatnot.
Her knees were coming together in anticipation, ready to embrace that coveted tingling jolt.
"—!" Her back shot up into an arc, naturally flinching as if a stream of sensitivity had zapped her body.
It was only her fingertip lightly touching it, the little button responsible for making the sealed floodgates of pleasure wobble like jelly. She was slowly stirring it around and around, taking her time to savor the jelly's tingling delight.
Now it was time for Jackie's mind to sink inside an ocean of deep, intimate fantasies.
Years ago, the very first time Jackie had learnt how to make the jelly wobble, fantasizing about intimacy and all that word carried, the other stuff in particular, the foremost image coming to Jackie's mind were the nitty-gritty noises. Bouncing bed springs and the kind of gluttonous groanings her father would make on her mother at nights he'd be in the mood.
...Frustrating, that's what hearing bouncing bed springs was like. Frustrating for having to listen to them, frustrating that someone else was having fun, frustrating that she didn't have anyone making those noises for her. Frustrating... and ridiculously arousing.
The earliest time since Jackie could still retain those noises in her memory was when she was still nine, while her little brother was only eight. It was driving her nuts listening to her father go at it those nights, so much that Jackie was almost certain her father was pounding Rose near the wall on purpose. Jack and Jackie's bunk was situated far into their room's innermost corner because that's where the room would be less freezing, however on the other side of that wall was attached their parents' bed as well. No need to say, wooden walls weren't soundproof, not by a tiny bit. They could hear it so transparently one would beg to think the shared wall wasn't even there. To make matters worse, Bobby Joe was plowing their mother right behind that wall as if he wanted Jack and Jackie to listen to the springs very closely.
Jackie's intuition was not wrong, for the most part.
What she didn't know was that this was in fact her father's way of getting revenge on Rose for never giving him the pleasure of getting to tap his ear on even a single one of her moans. It was already bad enough that he had been married to a slut who had been taking cocks like there was no tomorrow, but the rumors were also claiming she was even more of a slut in bed.
He'd think that at least getting to hear those slutty moans from the rumors would slightly redeem his pathetic marriage, but that broken whore wouldn't even do him service with her mouth. She was hardly living up to her slutty reputation, what a damn letdown she was. Well, not that it really mattered. What mattered was to punish her for being a defective slut, by pounding her on the wall where on the other side her precious gems were trying to close their eyes.
Obviously this was a laughing matter to Bobby Joe himself alone. Being an older sister with a better grasp on the happenings Jackie would have to make sure her little brother was not forgetting to seal his vulnerable ears, or worse, actually having his curiosity picked by the rapidly increasing slapping tempo coming from the wall.
There was no helping it, Jackie would have to climb off her bed and creep in Jack's so she could protect her brother, she had to plug his ears with her palms at all costs. Stranded in this situation the two siblings would have to keep staring at each other without saying a word, but it was still better for Jackie to be there, acting as an adult, than just leaving her little brother alone and possibly start asking himself questions that were a decade ahead of him.
That's what Jackie's instincts as a big sister were telling her, but there were times instinct and mind would find one another in conflict. Jack would always do unexpected things Jackie would not anticipate from a boy younger than her. It wasn't even anything big, but to Jackie it was the shine of a considerate and mature character. He had been observing and registering how his sister's eyes would be having a hard time because her hands would be occupied protecting his ears, so he'd return the kindness by protecting hers.
They would be still staring at each other, but it'd not be awkward anymore, because Jack was smiling at her. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. That was actually comforting Jackie, so much she'd start questioning her own intentions for leaving her bed. Was she really the one protecting her little brother? Or was she seeking refuge in his bed because she knew he'd always return the favor and protect her? It was true that having her ears covered by her little brother was a lot more comforting than just doing it on her own, it was making her feel like she was not alone in this.. because she was alone in this.
Jackie was actually a bit envious at how fortunate her brother was. He didn't have to suffer listening to sounds of intimacy coming from his mom, because Rose had always refused to actively participate in Bobby Joe's mating calls. If her mother would allow her composure to waver, even for a second, Jack was definitely going to understand what it was like to go through what Jackie was going through. It was hell. Because to Jackie, a girl, listening to a grown man producing those mating sounds, was very agitating. It was normal to assume that the same would apply for Jack, would his mom ever make erotic sounds.
On that matter, Jackie just couldn't stop thinking about her mom.
If Jack only knew what their mom's stiff lips must be enduring for their sake.
Because the only thing Rose could do, was to endure, endure, and endure.
Their mother already knew sex with Bobby Joe would never be about love or passion, it was just about being forced to bend over and fulfill her marital duties to her generous husband. As Bobby Joe's wife she had to bow down to him, but she'd still try to press for the bare minimum requirements for a passing grade. Rose spreading her legs for Bobby Joe was just one of the many kinds of stay-over fees her husband would come to collect from them.
They all knew the house they were living in was not theirs, it was property under Buck's name, now passed down to Bobby Joe. If Bobby Joe ever deemed they were not offering him the appropriate tribute for allowing them to stay as guests in his house, Rose and her children would find themselves without a home faster than a wind could whistle. Bobby Joe had nothing to lose from such an unfortunate ending, because all that he had always wanted, he already had. His father's riches.
Bobby Joe would give one final strong thrust, hoping to hear Rose stifling a bitter cry. If she wasn't going to moan for him, she was going to cry in pain for him. Because there were nights his meager stamina reserves would not go against further depletion from beating up Rose as a follow-up punishment for refusing to turn him on.
It was those nights that Jackie's wolf-pup brother's fangs were ready to tear down the wooden wall, madly fancying it as if it was made from nothing but paper. That was the other reason Jackie would have to be there for Jack, to keep his thrashing body down on the bed as the pangs in their mom's muffled groans from the belt whips were secretly crying for a help that was never going to come.
Either way, the noises would eventually relent. But quiet still wouldn't last more than a minute, for Jackie would soon start to feel the walls shaking like a truck was passing by. She wished it would really just be a passing truck, even for once, because those were her father's deep snores. He'd always knock himself out in a one-sided feast.
Once the snores would kick in Jackie would stick her ear on the wall waiting to catch a distinctive sound. A door unlocking. That would be Jackie's cue to order her brother to stay in bed while she'd make haste to check on her mom. She still remembers the many times Rose would shamble out of that door, bruised on the face, lacerated at the shoulders, worse for wear. She still remembers how her mom would always have the look of a corpse in her gaze as she'd turn to hardly notice the concerned Jackie standing there. That wasn't the look of a woman who had gotten raped and violated by a man, but of a woman that had been touched by a vile corpse.
"Even hard, he's still limp..." She'd grudgingly mutter to herself...
..and those were the only times Jackie would actually see her lively mom wear her black gown as if she was wearing a cloak of misery.
Word was already out after all. Everyone had been hearing the rumors go around, how wearing unhealthy habits had in turn been causing Bobby Joe to wear an unhealthy libido already before he climbed the church. Not only he was raping and beating their mother, he was also incapable of making her finish. He was using her like a sex slave for his own leisure, yet would always leave her wallowing in unfulfillment. Bobby Joe's highest record keeping it up was fifteen minutes, and that was when he was still in his 30's. Now that he was forty-nine, his best record seemed like an uncatchable faraway dream.
On one hand Rose was utterly resentful her wedding ring was binding her to someone who couldn't make her come even once, on the other hand, she was grateful this embarrassment would only last for a few minutes.
Even though her mom's sulking face was smoldering in a mood so sour that was making her reluctant to much roll an eye, Rose would find it in herself to smilingly signal Jackie to go back to bed with a suggestive tilt of her head. Jackie would start taking tentative backward steps, disappearing back inside the room as her mom wanted her to, but in actuality Jackie would only pretend to leave, because she'd be not the least convinced her mom was okay. What was she going to do next?
Many times would Jackie secretly track her mom's tail as she headed for the bathroom, and many times she had caught her wobbling the jelly, right on the toilet seat. Jackie was spying on her through the keyhole. It was from that keyhole that the eleven year old Jackie had figured how to unlock her own body's desires. After experimenting with her little button for the first time, Jackie had learnt what a climax was. She had also realized why her mom would head for the bathroom every time after sex. It was obvious her dad wasn't satisfying her, so her mom had to sit and fix Bobby Joe's unsettled tabs all by herself.
Well, if it wasn't shameful for her mom, a married woman, to be playing with herself, why should Jackie feel shameful for doing it?
And that's how it started.
Yes, in the beginning Jackie would only be fantasizing about her mom and dad doing it as she'd play with herself. But while fantasizing of such things was helpful material, it was also unbelievably unsatisfying. Thinking of other people doing it, indulging in the arousal and pleasure others had to be bathing in.. It was just pathetic, especially the moment her mom was literally suffering. It was leaving a huge void of unfulfillment inside of her, a void growing larger every time she'd use the noise of the bouncing springs next to room to reach for her own climax.
When she had turned fourteen Jackie's state of mind was slowly reaching a breaking point, on top of everything she had to go through a phase with side-effects no one had warned her about; Puberty. She would act on an unusual short trigger, she hated having to confront her mom for little things, she despised her prison-like life in the farm, she wanted to meet someone and go out on dates with him. At some point she even started hating herself, for always having been timid and not giving her opinion voice, and how now she had completely lost her voice like god had decided to give her a fitting punishment for not talking when she was still able to. Everything was twisting and warping around her.
Her berserking hormones would not let her mind rest for a second, and as natural, having to listen to sex and violence in the other room almost every night did not make for an effective tranquilizer.
She could not talk.
No one could understand her.
No one... but a single person.
Many things had changed for Jackie, but not all. She'd still resort to her brother's bed when things would start getting loud in the other room.
Jack was thirteen, he had already let it sink deep that there was nothing he could do about those bouncing springs, beatings and cries coming from the other bed. The one time he had tried to put an end to it by breaking into their parents' room it indeed ended.. really really bad for them, that is. His naive heroics had brought more harm than it had brought good. He had learnt the painful way how it was not wise to disturb a ferocious wolf, especially when the wolf would be busy beating up his insubordinate mate.
Now he would just be too tired to stay up all night only to get more frustrated, he had been working full-time in the farm for the past four years and it was taking its toll on him. Quite admittedly, Jack's puberty had been following a different path than Jackie's. All that frustration he was feeling, all that anger, he was taking it out in the fields, swinging the pickaxe, the hoe, the hammer, and it was working. Both for him, and for the awful load of labor that had to be taken care of around the farm. Unconsciously as it may be, he was blowing off the steam in his boiling hormones through a different, effective channel.
...Why was he so lucky...?
Jackie failed to see the balance of justice there, watching her brunette sibling sleep peacefully in front of her face with no regard for what was happening in the next room. He was still holding her ears as she was holding his, but while Jackie was making sure not the slightest sound would reach his ears, Jack wasn't doing the same for her... He was fast asleep, allowing every sound crawl inside Jackie's ears from the breaches of his sleeping hands.
...When did he desert her..?
...'Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours', wasn't it..?
...Now selfishly shutting his eye ahead of her before the noises were over..?
...It was not fair... her brother had found his scapegoat in the fields..
...But what about her..? What about her own scapegoat..?
Clicking her tongue as she kept getting flooded with all those betrayed questions her body weighed with no remorse as it mounted the center of the bed.
"Mm...nnh.." Jack grumbled, groggily stretching his arm and rubbing his eye as he slowly came to "..Morning already..?"
But when he tried to roll himself and get off the bed, his sides had been arrested, both ways. Calling his arms back to investigate in what weird manner he had managed to tangle himself in the bed this time, he unexpectedly tapped on two slim bare calves.
He blinked a couple of times to clear the fog from his eyes, maybe he was still half-asleep, probably having a dream back from the days they'd use to wrestle each other down.
..No... That definite weight holding him down was no dream, it was real.
Soon his ear was enough awake to tap onto the usual noises next room.
..It was still midnight...?
But, why was his sister staring at him like that, so distantly... and so... viciously...? What was going on? Had she woken up on the wrong side of the bed from all the noise?
Jack was trying to make himself budge and move, but she had bolted him down with her knees, he was trapped inside the quicksand their joined weights had caused on the sagging mattress. He wasn't going anywhere. Jack was starting to get cold to the bone in this situation, this was just getting weird. He already knew Jackie had lost her voice, but something inside her wide stare was telling that even if she could talk right now, she wouldn't. Waking up to barely visible surroundings, only the full moon's golden glade was reflecting on Jackie's gaze. She was watching him with an absolute stillness, like she was waiting... like... she was preying on him... through a wolf's spiteful, golden eyes.
...Why does it always have to be their bed making the noise...?
Ever slightly their bed's springs would finally begin to crackle as Jackie reached down to remove the distance between them.
The scruff of his neck was vainly searching for a burrow to dig inside his pillow, she was so close he could feel her nose lightly breathing on his. If her full moon eyes were a cause for caution before, what was that scheming-like leer now supposed to mean? Did she hold it against him for something he had done?
"..Jackie!.." He whispered, hardening a glare that was a breath away from her leer, "..I knocked you off the bed or something?.."
And then waiting to see if she'd come around to her senses, but apparently his sister didn't seem to have the slightest intention to give him space. She was completely ignoring him, and that had set a timer on Jack's patience, even more so since he had to solve this in a lowkey manner.
"Cut it out—seriously..! Those eyes are giving me the cree—...ps...?!"
Fastening her leer she had ambushed the unguarded mouth, not letting a second's fracture go to waste as she swiftly pressed all the way in sideways for retaliation.
"Mh!..m~ph!" His cervical vertebrae flinched.
Α nimble thief had easily slipped through the frontlines of his teeth, already gaining ground on the rearguard in a pursuit mission; to mug his tongue of its privilege to utter words.
Jack was struggling to make his neck bend over backwards and allow his nose to gasp for air that was being taken away from him. Her brother was squirming and snapping his face side to side to free his mouth, but she had already learnt how to hold him down back from the times he'd try to go save their mom from their dad. Pin him down overhead at the wrists, overwhelm him with the sensation he had been disarmed. He could not escape, neither could his tongue from hers. She'd keep going back and forth on his mouth, laying siege after siege, till his tongue had completely yielded to hers.
That night, Jackie was going to make their bed springs bounce.
...and skeletons in the closet.
Jackie recalled the face her brother had made back at the fireplace when he consoled her guilt.
"It's alright, it wasn't your fault.." That's what that face had said to her.
Her brother had forgiven her. 'A kind and understanding person through and through.'
Still, for such a kind person, he did slip a terrible lie right under their mom's lie detector of a nose, didn't he? Not the 'lie' Rose was thinking of, about the bet and the calendar.
"It's good to know you're still a virgin." That's how their mom had teased him, and he was acting as if it was a true and embarrassing reality.
Jackie was smirking inside her wet gown, it was unimaginably pleasant and refreshing how her fingers could enter her slit without having to look out for her hymen.
She still remembers what a forbidding nuisance that thing had been...
...Five years ago.
~TBC. Reviews are welcome!