I won't be selfish...
I tell my husband all the time:
"I wish you could have met my sister."
"My sister would had loved you."
Than suddenly, those thoughts turn to:
"We probably never would had met."
"I probably would still be in Riverside, and never would had known you."
I than than think about my sister, up in Heaven, running around with the Angels, and other occupants of
God's kingdom. Singing, dancing, and probably getting Jesus, to play out some of her favorite movies
with her. She might be sitting on God's knee, along with the other family who have moved on, telling
stories that she loved to tell. She would be the child, without having anything holding her back, being
the little girl I wish she was able to be on Earth.
I could selfishly think about how lonely I have been, since God, called my sister back home to him, but
I know how hard it was for her. She didn't have to say anything, and she wouldn't have complained,
because she never thought of herself, like the rest of us do throughout our life spans. Her gift of having
an extra chromosome, made it impossible to be selfish towards anyone else. When she loved you, she
loved you flaws, and everything else about you. She just wanted to make sure that you were happy, and
that she was the one, who was making you feel that way.
I remember that I use to like taking my sister on walks sometimes, and other times I would complaine,
but end up still taking her because I made the promise the previous day. We walked through out our
condos, passing the swimming pool, bother tennis courts, and sometimes just sitting on the brick wall,
so our walk would last longer. I would get scolded, because my sister would be mad, because we came
home sooner than she would had liked. It wasn't my fault, my legs moved faster, and covered a lot of
area during our walks. But I would be asked to finish out walk, and than repeat the same long route,
just a little slower than the first time. I sometimes would take her all the way oaround the condos,
passing part of the orange groves, to make a full lap of the complex. She would say hello to anyone
who passed us, no matter how many times I told her not to talk to strangers.
Man in hooded sweatshirt, head down, watching his own feet move.
My sister from her chair, with that winning smile, "Hiiii."
Me with lowering to whisper in her hair, "Halee, we don't know him."
"Manda, come on," She would roll her eyes, as she continued to look around her.
Group of cute boys, hanging out in front of one of the condos, not even looking in our direction.
"Hi," Wait they didn't hear her, oh than she must speak up, "HIIII BOYS!"
My face would be to red, to even scold her about talking to the boys, as my feet hurried to get us back
home ( I was in my teens). It wasn't that I was embarrased by her, it was just that I was a teenager back
than, and somewhat shy. I didn't go around to greeting everyone I see, but than again why should I,
when Halee, would be more than happy to be the 'Walk Greeter'.
Everyone got a big hello, and sometimes she would even say bye, if the person greeted her back, It was
funny when I was the one taking her for a walk, because she would say hi, and get no acknowledgment.
Than for those who did greet her back, she would say by, as she waved her hand. Always with a smile
on her face.
Even though, I would be happy to take her for walk, and picnics, if she was still with me, I know that
she is where God wants her. Just like I know God, has put me where he wants me as well, moving in
with my dad, and eventually meeting my husband. So I would not refuse having my sister still be alive,
but I know that she has passed on, and I truly believe that she is watching from above.
Every boss, has to call back there agents, and that's exactly what happened. The Boss being God, and
the little agent, being one of his undercover Angel's, who he had put in our trust for the short time. So
she could share the joy, and love, which God, wants us to all know, and share with one another.
So I am happy to say that I am married to a great man, who loves my sister, even if he never met her.
He let's me talk about her, and even looks at the same pictures, when I feel like showing pictures of her.
I know my sister, is loving him, because he loves our family, who love him right back.
Thinking of all the people, who wouldn't be in my life, of my sister was given more time. I don't even
try to think about that situation to long, because it never feels natural. We are all exactly, where we
were suppose to be, at this part of our lives.