Oni and Kami and Elves Oh my! A ZOMG story

Ed Note – yep, it's been awhile – but this story is showing up in my head. Let's see what happens.

The oni swung his heavily spiked testsubo at my head as I brought the doubled bladed hand axe up into his unprotected belly. My axe hit him first and his intestines flowed out onto the floor.

With an oddly high pitched cry, his swing went wild, and the tetsubo only glanced off my head.

"Good thing" I thought to my self, "or my brains would be splattered off the walls." Even so, I saw stars. I went down hard, and passed out. My last conscious thought was, "that leaves only one oni. Merideth can take him, easy."

Now, I'm sitting here in a quiet room, in the lotus position, as a never ending mist flows around me. I've been here before. I can only assume I'm still alive. Most likely, Merideth finished off the last oni, and got me to medical care. But, as my body heals itself, my mind is busy remembering.

Eh, what?

Ok, you don't know what is going on. Sure, let me go back for a quick synopsis.

My name is Joe Laub. I am – or was, more correctly, a Professor of Quantum Physics at the State University of New York at Buffalo. Lately, I've been a team lead for a U.S, Government organization known as the Zero Options Management Group – ZOMG for short.

Yes, government bureaucrats are rarely in touch with Social Media. You think our acronym is bad, some Navy Admiral took four nuclear missile submarines and tasked them to be modified into a special warfare task force. It was the Ohio, Michigan, Florida and Georgia…lacking imagination, it was called the OMFG Project.

So, I was drafted into ZOMG when I built a working Einstein-Rosen wormhole generator and summoned a succubus into our plain of existence.

Yep, you're right, that could have been a bad thing, but Merideth was not a normal succubus. Certainly not the soul-destroying, deadly demon from the nethermost pits of hell, as common legend would have it. Nope, we quickly came to an agreement, and she is my partner.

You see, these wormholes are fairly easy to generate, once you know how, and they occur by accident as well as naturally. Nickola Tesla built the first one at the Schoellkopf Power Station in Niagara Falls, while he was working for George Westinghouse back in 1906 or so. I was just the latest researcher to build one.

One of the "blacker" organizations in the US Government is the Zero Options Management Group. It originally was part War Department, got passed to the FBI, and is now part of the Department of Homeland Security.

You See, these wormholes can let things through from one dimensional plane to another. When living beings come through, well, most of the time, they cannot exist in their new plane, or are fairly harmless. Sometimes, though, well, the results can be catastrophic.

For reasons I don't profess to quite understand, the US Government wants the knowledge of the existence of these wormholes kept Secret. They don't want researchers to know how relatively easy you can construct a wormhole. I can certainly see why they don't want terrorists trying to build a wormhole. There's that bunch of crazies in Japan, for example, that tried to summon a Kaiju. Hitler had the Thule Society trying to summon the Norse Gods…fortunately, they didn't succeed.

So, anyway, Merideth and I, well, we lead the Western New York ZOMG team. For some reason, it is easier to build a functional wormhole generator here, and, for that matter, natural wormholes also occur with some frequency here.