Sometimes, when I talk to you, I fear the worst. I think that maybe it's a nuisance to you whenever you see my name pop up in your notifications. That you dread having to message me back, because if you don't, I might text you again just to make sure that you didn't miss the first. I fear that you are only friends with me because you pity me. I've probably told you too many sob stories and vented over and over again about the struggles in my life, and it's way past the point of where you see me only as a self centered and narcissistic brat. Do you think that? You probably do. I can already hear you telling me not to put words in your mouth, but there is a part of me that instinctively suspects that I'm just doing your job for you.

Whenever you are with other friends and you get a text from me, when they curiously ask who it is that is setting your ringtone off, do you smile and say that it's a friend, or do you shake your head dismissively and say that it's nobody important? I can almost never imagine you saying the first, mostly because it's probably how I would treat my own self, and that's nothing special.

I'm afraid you think that I've fallen in love with you due to my late night phone calls and abundant use of emojis, but that's not the case. You're just so important to me, and I love you so much that I'm afraid you'll want to leave me with a head full of memories that you don't want anymore.

It hurts to think of all of these scenarios. I've been getting more and more spurts of stuff like this recently, and it pains me to think of how much of a burden I am to you. When I ask you if this is what I am, you blatantly deny. But I'm afraid that it's just a lie to keep you from getting a guilty conscience.

I probably know that none of this is true, but I won't really believe it for a while. I just hope that my constant need for reassurance doesn't push you away faster than I've prepared myself for.