This dream actually scared her. It imprinted in her mind even after three days.
It felt too real, too raw, and the blunted emotion, along with the knowledge of infiniteness felt dangerous. And her mind in that dream tinged upon villainous at certain points in time. Powerful. Too powerful. How could it not? She had created everything. Every single young and old soul that has existed and will exist in this planet Earth. She created the planet, she created the stars that envelop around this beautiful planet, that breath-taking galaxy that gave fruit to life because she herself decided it. The galaxy that her most prideful creations resided in... from nothingness, she created something. From nothingness, she created everything. And true to many religions, she was an ever-loving parent, a doting mother. She burst with pure and passionate love for every single small miniscule thing that thrummed and pulsed with life. For every single organism. And in her dream, she had no awareness of her divinity, until it somehow just attacked her like an ever-patient yet wise lion pouncing on an unsuspecting antelope with the utmost precision to go for the jugular and snap its tender neck. The words filtered her reincarnation's mind and soul, I am ready to bestow salvation upon this broken and suffering world.
And...She remembered how Her reincarnation shuddered almost in revulsion, in astonishment, in wonder of the beauty exploding in Her dark doe eyes. Her human physical heart beat feverishly, almost in an unhuman speed, yet Her mind continued to blossom. She was everywhere at once. She resided in each of her created souls. She felt their pain and their joy. She heard their cries for redemption and their shrieks of suffering and numbness. They wanted Her to take it all away. All of that pain and darkness. Their sickness and horrid yet tepid desires. She loved them so much, all she could do is comfort them continuously like a mother knew how. Envelop them in warmth, envelop them in love. She loved them, but she also could not make them love her back. She knew so many of them absolutely despised Her. She knew some of them wished her death and destruction. And it shattered her to the very bottom of her core, yet she respected their own free will to hate her and destroy (erroneous and male) effigies of her and what her son are supposed to represent. The world's religions always had a fundamental flaw to them; they all assumed She was perfect. And what else could She be if not perfect?
She was God.
Their Creator. Their benevolent parent (mother, yet they all called her Father. She didn't mind). Their loving and suffering mother. Yet, even with all of these characteristics, even she wasn't perfect. She has infinite power, yet. She feels like she's practically all-knowing—yet how does she not know this with certainty? If she knew everything, then she wouldn't doubt her knowledge, correct? And she doubted herself incredibly so. More than every single of her creations did all combined. She knew and felt every thought and feeling her beautiful babies had, and yet they prayed to this so-called perfect being. She was not perfection. How would humankind look at her knowing this? Would they scoff at her, look at her in disgust and disappointment? Maybe they'd call her a fraud. Even possibly the Devil. Nonsensical stuff like that.
"God not perfect?" They'd exclaim incredulously, "Absolute blasphemy! " Her most devoted worshippers and followers would be crestfallen to know their God was her. She knew and felt that within her deepest essence. And yet, here she was...having created everything and anything, from the most miniscule atom, to the total absence of space and matter. She liked to call them her experiments –to test to see if there was any imagined limit to her ability and power. So far, she has not found any. How would her dubious children react to knowing someone like her exist? Would they smirk and laugh sarcastically, proclaiming that they knew it. They knew God would have to be this extremely flawed entity that could not possibly perfect! Because then...if God is perfect and the world is how it is at the moment...can God be perfect and evil at the same time. Hurt radiated throughout. She did not like being called evil by her children. She heard it daily, every second of the day, cursing her and saying how dare she, condemning her to hell and to nothingness, and wishing she wouldn't exist. You evil bitch. She'd much rather prefer her children thinking she wasn't good enough, that she didn't deserve to be called a God. Maybe, they would it bestow it upon themselves to take her title away from her.
"You are no God. You do not deserve to be prayed to!"
And of course, she'd respond. "But I am God. I am your creator, yet it was you who decided that your creator must have been perfect to create you. I am sorry to say, I am not perfect. I do not presume to know absolutely everything. I love you."
And they'd scream. "I hate you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
Their passionate minds, their large brains so intricately tested over and over again, were their strength and yet their weakness. Humans were all empathetic to some extent, but the language that they created limited their emotional connection to one another to such a dry and emotionless plane and dimension. There was no way humans could understand the depth of her love and her absolute adoration for every characteristics they portrayed. She loved them. There was no stronger word for affection than love, and love did not even adequately encompass one millionth of what she felt for them. And yet, their primitive language is enough to spear through her, to completely destroy her. Them proclaiming hate? It absolutely pierced her metaphorical heart. They'd hate her. They would despise her. Particularly, her most devoted followers. Her current reincarnation was a typical 23-year-old woman, who had typical friends, and a typical life. She was going to graduate school and she wanted to do big things, like most of her children want to do. She was in a romantic relationship with another woman.
A soft chuckle came out of her created lips, and she found herself shaking her head ever so slighly in both amusement and disappointment. It was astounding at how humans yearned desperately to dictate what "God' thought right and wrong, particularly at something so arbitrary and innate and same-sex desire. She hardly cared about who her children loved, as long as both of them were reveling in that pureness, in that happiness. As long as they were completely satisfied, so was she. Her reincarnation then became a gentle poke at her worshippers, so that they don't put words in her mouth that she never said, nor did her son ever mention. She smiled. Some might say her dry humor could be a little too dry for someone who is supposed to be God, but she was highly considered continuing her romantic relationship with Liliana, because her reincarnation really did fall madly in love with her. And she still feels that human love that she has for her partner, and it's wonderful. It made her reincarnation's heart swell. How could she not give her the love of her life? All she wants is her children to love and be love. To be happy. And now She loves her with such an intensity, that it could never be explain fully to her. Because she remembers the exact details in how She formulated her DNA and she lovingly cradled her when she was still in her mother's womb, singing melodies to her liking, lulling her to deep and beautiful sleep.
She remembers her so well. She knows her entire heart, her fears and insecurities, her cries and sobs for help, her wish to get closer to God...if only she know she already had sex with God.
She stifled a sordid laugh.
Oh yes, Her worshipers would most definitely despise Her.