The Way I Was Made To Feel

Alone midst the crowd
A tear behind a smile
A facade, mirage,
Portrait veiled in lie

Echo of a laughter
A hollow wave of hand
Confusion, delusion
Stranger in one's homeland

Love at first sight
Glanced the other way
Relief of disbelief
"Maybe some other day"

So many faces
So many voices
Unfamiliar yet nostalgic
Despite all the other choices
The one found was far from romantic

Alone midst those arms
Warmth of sun turned cold as ice
The way I was made to feel
is hollow, and rotten inside

Drunk on grand illusion
Self made paradise
Deception, rejection
Trapped in role of one's disguise

Left after first night
Didn't ask to stay
Prayed, afraid,
"Maybe, maybe one day"

So many words
So much to say
Untrue yet it all feels "right"
Despite the things that could have been
The road chosen wasn't meant for me
Wishing I wasn't made to feel
Indecisive, flippant, insecure, and falsely free
I failed to realize that it's up to me..