Again. Posting 'cause don't know how to continue Warmth. No one told me what they want, so I don't know how to continue. Write in which POV? If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't mind this fool... If you do, message? Or leave a comment on Warmth?
Was i abandoned...
Am i ridiculed...
Am i hurt...
Does no one want me...
because i am a bad child?
Am i glared at...
Do all the touches happen...
Did those things happen...
Because i deserve them?
Am i disciplined...
Do i cook every day, clean every day, without complaint...
Do my brothers get everything while i don't even get a compliment...
Does no one care...
Because that's how daughters must exist?
Do i not deserve a childhood, friends... love?
What is a childhood, really?
What is love?
That must be it. i don't deserve them. Even if they exist.
i've always so wondered.
Yet why do i wish for them so desperately? i'm so bratty. So stupid. So pathetic.
Who am i to want that? What right do i have?
i wonder that as i lay there silently, as he ruts, panting heavily.
The pain was nothing... nothing... i'm used to it.
Listening to the incensed screaming behind the closed doors.
Ah, they're at it again...
I wonder... what's it like to be angry...?
Will i get up and smash a beer bottle over someone's head, like Daddy?
Will i screech and throw bowls like Mommy?
Will i... beat my own child?
No, that doesn't matter... Will i... hurt that innocent one?
Will i abandon her? Or trap her in an existence she doesn't want?
Make her cry?
Make the light in her eyes to die?
Make her want to disappear to somewhere safe?
Somewhere she can smile with her heart...
What's it like to smile?
But what right do i have?
i close my eyes, wanting to fade away, as the rough grunts get louder above me.
He looks happy.
At least i should be...
why am i so selfish? Why can't i be happy when someone's happy? What's wrong with me?
What does happiness like to feel that?
He shoves harder.
The waves of pain haven't stopped since he waltzed into the room.
He said i deserved this.
That i was a bad child.
He said he'll purify me.
My parents don't want me.
No one wants me.
But he said he did.
That makes me happy... So, so happy...
He wants me. A bad child. A evil being. A pathetic thing.
Everyday, i'm told i'm ugly. Stupid. Worthless.
So many people say it.
So it must be true.
So when he wants me...
why... am i not happy?
Why do i want more?
When i clearly don't deserve more...
i'm so shockingly selfish.
So supremely stupid.
So undeserving of life...
Yes, i don't deserve life...
With my weak, worthless hands, i push him off me.
He glares at me and grabs my hand, leaving bruises.
"What are you doing, Aiko? I'm not finished yet! Do you want to be a bad girl?" He sneers at me. "Huh? Do you?"
Ah... he's mad.
i'm going to be a good child. i will do a good deed this night. Erasing the world of this truly unworthy presence. Cleaning it up. Bettering it.
As if in a trance, my feet guide me to the window. i place a knee on the sill.
Oh, he is not angry anymore.
No more screams either.
Yes, this is a good deed.
I glide into nothingness.
Ah, peace at last.
Sorry for the sadness? But I'm a sad person. Sorry.
In the Japanese language, the meaning of Aiko is "the little loved one." Cute, huh?
Thank you for reading.
A lovely present and future to you.