Aching, the product of intense yearning
To hear the voice of Your call.
Forsaken, the best way of wording
The feeling of nothing at all
When repeatedly learning and learning
That regardless of concentrated prayers
And a passionate heart burning,
You seem to simply not be there.
Shaking, my bodily response from hurting,
Yet again and again I continue to crawl,
Persuading myself that as long as I can endure this burden,
You will, from me, no longer withdraw.
My entire life, I spent searching.
I spent looking everywhere…
Hoping just maybe after so much working,
That I would be noticed, I would be cared.
Waiting, the process that forced my returning
To the flames of creation that still light Your hall.
Fading, the light inside me slowly converting
To a flickering shadow on the wall
Of creation when You began dirtying
Your hands in the pointless affair
Of forming clay men, the worst thing
To deserve the breath of Your air.
Creating them, You crowned them as first things
And forced me on my knees to fall
Before them as if I were worshipping
The one true Allah.
You know they would sin…now worsening.
But You still hold them high even though they dare
To defy You and cause suffering,
Transforming Your earthly paradise into a nightmare.
Mistaken that I ever served You. Cursing
How I once followed You. But now, I lost all.
Taken from me, but for You, an insignificant earning.
For that, I feel nothing for Allah.