December 7, 2017

My life did a complete 180.

It's bizarre, really.

This has been kind of an escape, writing. I'm slowly seeing it more of a chore, as I had to force myself out of bed to write this. Doesn't mean I'll stop, though. I'm seeing it as a good thing. I'm turning back to normal, but I'm not very sure if I want to?

I still promised myself to finish this. So, I'll talk about my day.

Today, all my previous school-related problems have been invalidated.

That's a good thing, almost.

My problems have been minimized, but it also meant I spent a lot of hours worrying about nothing. Was it my fault? I don't want to blame myself. I don't think it's my fault, since I someone just told me today. I don't think I know what I really feel about it yet. Maybe I should just be grateful, or whatever.

I know I'm completely anonymous here, but I'm still kind of finding it hard to pour my heart out. I really want to. I just want to see what it would look it. It's never happened yet—pouring my heart out so… easily. I'd want to be able to do it.

I'm trying, I really am. Maybe I just, on some subconscious level, don't want to, either.

Damn, I really am just a living irony.

I'm seeing that with every day that passes I have less stories to tell.

Today, we ate lunch-dinner (it was around 5 in the afternoon, so I don't know if it's either lunch or dinner) at the park inside our school. There were a lot of people there, just like any other day. It was almost amusing watching everyone there; it was the typical college environment.

A few meters from where we were sitting, there was a couple fighting near a tree.

Several feet behind us were a group of students practicing some dance routine.

There were people studying, people alone, people with their group of friends, a bunch of couple's just staring at each other. If you ever find your group of friends running out of stuff to talk about, just take a glance around and you'll be able to see another conversation starter.

One of my friends took out his laptop to work on one of his homework, and I sat beside him to help him out. Almost unnoticed, a group of people passed by behind us, carrying large cuts of cardboard and rolls of cloth. It was easy to ignore them amidst the rambunctious environment of the place, but when one of them starts screaming, it was going to catch your attention.

You see, although the place might be boisterous, it was lively with an ambiance of cheerfulness. A scream would be out of place. Naturally, everyone I was with suddenly snapped their heads towards the direction of the scream. As you would when someone abruptly catches your attention.

For a hot second, we stopped talking. We just looked.

The girl who screamed was semi-kneeling on the ground. She was laughing. It looked like someone had probably tickled her, or she maybe tripped on a stray rock. It was hard to tell what happened. On each of her hands was a large roll of white cloth.

Beside me, another of my friends let out an exaggerated, sarcastic sigh. "Same," she wistfully whispered.

It had us all rolling in laughter.

It was funny.

Writing out moments like that makes me think about it more. I usually don't think about those moments. I mean, of course I do, but I don't really think a lot about it. It happened, then it won't happen again. A regular day with your out-of-the-ordinary friends—it kind of makes your day into something else.

It was like a bunch of different experiences diverging. It was almost surreal. But it's real, because it was just an ordinary day, but the people almost makes them surreal.

I like that.

I like calling people huge experiences.

It answers a lot of my questions.