Chapter 1: Aw nuts!
Oh good, you decided to stumble upon this wondrous tale filled with all sorts of twists and turns...Oh, and a butt-load of humour too! Our tale begins when a brave knight and his just as brave squire travel to Castle Wetstone, one of the king's personal favourites, to speak with the king. They traveled valiantly, only being stopped by the guards that are, well, guarding the castle. Oh, and there's a great big ruddy moat surround the castle (guess that's why it's called Wetstone then).
"WHO GOES THERE!" shouted one of the guards.
"Oh you know who I am" said the knight "It is I, Sir Tralod and this is my good cohort Punsmith". "We have traveled by horse to speak with the king".
"Traveled by horse?!" said the perplexed guard "You're using coconuts"!
"You got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging them together to mimic the sound of hooves clopping"
"Where'd you get the coconuts?"
"We found them!"
"Yes, why do you act surprised?"
"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A BLOODY TROPICAL ISLAND TO YOU?!"
"Watch your profanity, guardsman! There might be children present!"
"This story is rated 'T', who the hell would let their kids read something of that rating!"
And sooner or later, they get into a very long argument regarding coconuts and swallows and...some other nonsense! I don't know, I was only half-listening! Anyway, after that long and flat-out tedious argument, Sir Tralod and Punsmith make their way into the king's throne room, but not before Punsmith had this to say:
"I guess it's hard to swallow the fact that the conversation was driving you coconuts!"
Before we continue, let's give some background information on Sir Tralod: He is one of the most bravest knights in all the land. Of crystal was his habergeon, his scabbard of chalcedony, with silver tipped and plenilune, his spear was hewn of ebony and a sword made of the finest metals in all the land. His javelins were of malachite and stalactite - he brandished them, and went and fought the dragon flies of Paradise, and vanquished them. And when I say dragon flies, I'm on about flies the size of dragons (and they breathe fire, too). Always at his side is his ever loyal and trusty squire, Punsworth. Though one does have to wonder why the king didn't make Punsworth his jester, especially since Punsworth always has a joke and laugh in , after arriving to the throne room, Sir Tralod then proceeded to hail to the king. "Groovy!" said the king "My favourite knight has arrived!".
"King Ash" said Tralod "You wanted to speak with me?"
"Yes! I am dealing with this evil mama jamma that calls himself the 'Dok Torr', I was wondering if you could help by gathering a group of knights to help take him down"
"Good idea, your grace!"
"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the crown"
And so our brave knight rode off to the nearest town in order to recruit knights for the righteous quest given to him by King Ash. Groovy! Now, if you excuse me, I need a piss.