"Excuse me," said King Deathmurder. "Do you have any books on villainy?"
The librarian did not answer, as she was too busy trying not to faint with shock at the sight of King Deathmurder. She merely pointed a trembling finger at a set of shelves near the back of the library, labelled "Tropes & Archetypes". King Deathmurder proceeded to the shelf, ducking under a light fixture as he went, and began pulling books off the shelf at random, tossing them aside when they did not meet his requirements. The librarian would have spoken out against this as well, had she not been scared out of her wits by the giant horned demon. The fact that the books were being thrown with the approximate velocity of pistol bullets did not help either.
Once the top shelf had been emptied, King Deathmurder moved to the next one without missing a beat. "Let's see... 'Love Is A Sharp Steak Knife: A Yandere's Guide to Romance-' no, that's not it." King Deathmurder threw the book over his shoulder and it crashed through no less than three shelves before falling apart, scattering its pages across the floor. "'The Ultimate Siscon Manual, Second Edition-' nope." This book was hurled aside and tore straight through a set of beanbags at the back of the library, startling a schoolgirl who had been about to sit there. "'So You're In Love With A Harem Protagonist: How to Cope With-' Ugh!" King Deathmurder groaned and tore the book in half. "All these books are about love! I want books about evil!"
Suddenly, a purple-spined book caught his attention. He reached down and plucked it off the shelf, reading the cover. "'A Beginner's Guide to Evil: How to Become a Number-One Villain', by Freddie Foul." A purple-suited man, presumably Freddie Foul, grinned up at King Deathmurder from the cover. "Yes!" the demon exclaimed. "This is what I'm looking for!" He looked back over at the librarian, waving the book at her, and declared, "I'd like to check this out, please."
The librarian, still too scared to speak, nodded slowly. She turned back to her desk, but one of King Deathmurder's discarded books had demolished it and it now lay in splinters, the computer sparking on the floor. "P-p-please just take the book and leave," stammered the librarian.
Having found what he had been looking for, King Deathmurder left the library and flicked open the book. "Alright, let's see what it says... 'Follow these easy steps and you too can become an excellent villain! Step 1: Be evil.'" King Deathmurder pondered for a moment, then declared, "Already done that," and turned the page. "'Step 2: Acquire an evil lair in which you can plan your evil schemes in secret.'" This made him pause for a second time. "Now where am I gonna find an evil lair?"
It took King Deathmurder a few hours of searching, but eventually he found a boarded-up old house on the edge of town. The lawn was overgrown and covered with weeds, and the paint on the front door was chipped and fading, one of the brass door numbers hanging upside-down. King Deathmurder ripped the boards away from one of the windows, saw that the house was empty and deserted, and smiled with satisfaction. "Yes, this will do quite nicely," he said. "It even has that spooky aesthetic. Now then, what's next..."
Once more, King Deathmurder consulted his guide. "'Step 3: Acquire a nemesis or nemeses. Ideally, they should be sickeningly-sweet goody-two-shoeses who will happily try and thwart your evil schemes, but will have neither the intelligence nor the guts to try and kill you, instead letting you live every week so you can come up with another evil scheme.' Yeah, sounds like those StarLight girls, except for the part where they did try to kill me. And failed miserably. Ha! Anyway, that's that step done." King Deathmurder turned the page.
"'Step 4: Surround yourself with incompetent minions.' Incompetent? That doesn't sound right." Puzzled, King Deathmurder continued, "'While their incompetence may infuriate you at times, it will help prevent them from overthrowing you and becoming a villain themselves, something I call 'pulling a Staryell'. What's more, their incompetence will make you look and feel far more competent in comparison.' But I am competent!" protested King Deathmurder. "I already defeated the StarLight girls without even trying! I don't need to surround myself with idiots to make myself look better! Then again..." King Deathmurder looked back up through the window of the empty house. "If I scratch the 'incompetent' part, having lackeys to help me out sounds pretty good. The problem, again, is how to find them..."
"Listen to this." Sanae laid a newspaper flat on the table, the page turned to the ads section. One of the ads had been circled in red pen, and Sanae began to read it aloud in a derisive voice: "'ARE YOU A REAL VILLAIN? The invincible King Deathmurder is looking to recruit four evil henchmen to assist him in his efforts to destroy the StarLight Trio and conquer the world! Ring 555-9999-999 for more details!'" Sanae burst out laughing. "What a moron!" she exclaimed, as the other girls chuckled along with her. "Does he really think anyone is going to answer that ad?!"
"I'm answering it," said Hitomi, who was already dialling the number into her smartphone.
The laughter petered out. "Wait, really?" said Sanae. "Why?"
Hitomi held up a finger for silence, winking at her companions, and put the phone on speaker. A moment later, there was a click and Deathmurder's distinctive voice filled the room. "Salutations!" he screeched. "This is King Deathmurder speaking! Are you calling about the evil henchman position?"
Hitomi, now struggling to keep her face straight, reached into her bag and pulled out an airhorn. She pointed the end as close to her phone's speaker as she possibly could, and waited. A few seconds of jittery silence ensued as the fan club tried to suppress their collective giggles, while Deathmurder on the other end waited for a response. Finally, he let out a quiet, "Hel-"
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHP. Hitomi blasted the airhorn right in Deathmurder's ear until she could no longer hold back her laughter, then hung up and joined the rest of the club in doubling over the table in utter hysterics. Even Nagisa, usually the most sensible of the group, was wheezing with laughter. "Oh my God~!" gasped Sanae. "I wish I could have seen... the look on his face...!"
Mio nodded, wiping a tear away from her away. "Hey, hey... do you... pfft... do you think he's now... King Deafmurder?" The girls burst out into renewed laughter, Amaya banging her fist repeatedly against the table. Hinata was so weak with mirth that she looked as though she were about to fall sideways off her chair.
The three youkai simply looked on with bewilderment. "I don't get it," said Kage.