And if I crawled into the spaces they
left, an old scent, a distant warmth,
I'd never want to leave this place.
And if I held onto a memory, faded
from how long it's been, I don't
think I'd care that much.
Won't you try, for all the stars in
the sky? I think too much (useless),
here's to another sleepless night.
Contentment flickers on and off,
holding hands instead of letting go
of all those words we never said.
It's encompassing, this numbness,
I say sorry, try to understand,
to mirror, so I fall in place.
I never truly know if I got it right,
was it okay to laugh? Can they see
I'm never fully here?
It's not the fact that they went what
hurts (we all die), it's in the way they
did, clouded in pain and missed chances.
I think you should let me go before that
day comes, honestly, I've been gone for
so long, I'm not even a ghost.
It won't hurt, it's not physical, just your
idea of me, the mistake you made years
ago that's been breathing under your roof.
I've been guilty by default this whole time,
and isn't that a strange way of living? I swallow
salt water and think of being unworthy.
'Comes out of nowhere', I've said before, while
tying shoe laces and blinking back against the
loneliness burning my eyes, a speck of reality.