I was walking in a local park, one Saturday—just enjoying nature.

While there I came across a strange sight: There was a large mud puddle beside a creek. And in it stood a girl!

She looked to be about 20. She was barefoot and wore blue jeans and a t-shirt. She was staring blankly out into space.

I walked close to her. "How's the mud?," I joked.

But she didn't answer; she just continued to stare.

"Are you high?"

"I am the Mud Goddess; worship me!," she finally said.

"You ARE high!"

"I said worship me!"

"Come on out of the mud, honey; it's no good being a mud goddess."
"I shall now anoint myself."

And with that, she sat down in the puddle! She began spreading mud all over herself.

Shaking my head, I took my cellphone out and made a call:

"Hi, Carl. . . Are you busy, right now?. . . I'm in the Northwest County Park, and I've come across this girl. She's high on something, and acting very strangely! Can you pick her up, please?. . . Thanks!"

Putting my phone away, I took my sandals off and got into the puddle with the intention of getting her out. But she didn't want to go; she suddenly attacked me! We wrestled in the mud for a few minutes. I was eventually able to subdue her.

"Now, I am the Mud Goddess!," I said!

"OK," she said meekly.

"Follow me, honey."

We got out of the mud. I put my shoes back on and led her to the parking lot. Fortunately, Lt Kirschenbaum had arrived. He looked at us in bemusement.

"She's the Mud Goddess," I explained.

"And you're her first disciple!," he joked.


We took her to the station. Her name was Betty Jo Williams. Finding LSD in her pocket, she was arrested for drug possession. Her parents picket her up, but not before she and I washed ourselves off!

By the way, her parents were rich—and grateful. They gave me $1000 for finding their wayward daughter!