loneliness


loneliness, settling itself over me like a dark cloud

loneliness, wrestling me to the ground and covering me like a shroud.

how long until i think about it again

about how all of them deceived me-all of them, those evil, evil people

pretending they liked me when in reality they were using me

fake friends, i thought i had the real ones

but in reality they were laughing and sneering at me behind my back

and when I defend myself they act like I'm the one on the attack.

first, one cowardly little worm disappears, then another.

then a little cockroach disappears, having swallowed a bottle of cyanide, too ashamed to face me and would rather hide.

then a little mosquito comes and bites my arm before disappearing, leaving me sitting in agony.

then another little insect pops out of existence, skittering away when I come near.

then another.

until there's just one little insect and myself, facing each other.

The sky opens up and it begins to rain, as drops, drops of sadness and fears fill the ground, the tears of my own heartbreak and heartache trail down my face.

"Why?" I ask.

It is then that the insect morphs into a person, speaking in gibberish.

Then they turn to join the crowd, sneering and laughing, and back away, like ghosts, vanishing into the mist.

Then, running, I encountered another phantom, a smiling one with arms extended, but I am not fooled. I let them pass by and the phantom's eyes turn demonic as it shouts curses at me before disappearing.

I am alone.

Alone.

Alone.

Alone.

The reality sinks in over me.

The people I thought were my friends are no more. They never were.

They used me.

I cried myself to sleep that night and for many nights after that. I felt numb even existing, even going online. Time has healed the hurt but it still aches every now and again.

I'm doing better...without the weight of fake friends dragging me down. I'm doing better without their lies, I'm doing better without their goodbyes. They can all go burn in hell, those disgusting liars.

Were it I, I would've thrown them on an open pyre. But I am too soft-hearted so I forgive them for their sins.

Even if I want to say or do so much more, I cannot.

I just stick my hands in my pocket, sigh and walk off, going elsewhere, far away.

Now our paths never intersect again.

How remarkable it is that the mind can forget about people it once held dear.

They'll never know what a great friend they lost, but the worst part is I thought they were legit.

Now they'll never, ever have my back ever again.

I hope they live with the regret of having deserted a true friend like me.

I hope their selfish ways backfire on them in some way.

'how could you treat me that way? How could you? How could you?) I wonder as I sit online.

But I get no answers.

Because they have ghosted me, so I have ghosted them.