I can still remember that evening; as if it were just a few days ago. That evening, when because of my laziness, boredom and unproductiveness I had to pay a huge (not really) prize. Am I the one to blame here? Yes, of course! There is no one else (perhaps). In fact, there were a few people who could actually help me; yet, I was (No, I wasn't) too blind...
I was sitting on my sofa as usual with a laptop, listening to some pop music and looking through different profiles on the kind of find-new-friends-in-other-countries website. It was rather noteworthy because I'd gotten to know quite a bunch of interesting people there. Considering that I'm a homebody who prefers the internet to real life, that was just perfect!
Until I came across her profile: "mareze91". I hate this nickname! I opened her page and saw a picture of a lovely, ravishing girl from Romania. I'm still not sure if it was Photoshop or something (it wasn't), but her skin looked so pale which contrasted the dark hair and chestnut eyes, that you couldn't help but contemplate her unearthly countenance. I didn't even have to text her anything. That website showed you who'd visited your profile, so, obviously, she saw me and wrote the following:
My name is Daniela and I'm from Romania ^^~
Would you like to talk with me a little bit? I'm also interested in Roman history!
And I just have to say, your hair is just amazing! "
Well, how could I possibly ignore such a message? That was exactly what I was looking for! Yes, I was a bit shy at the beginning because I didn't expect that, but still, I felt it was something good, something worth-trying, something real... it is funny and silly to say such things when it's only about the internet, but it's me, can't help it.
In the beginning, the conversation was going rather well, which seemed a bit surprising (in a good way), knowing that most of the online chats ended in two or three messages at most. That is why one could often read things like "I'm looking for long-term friends", "I like deep conversations" and so on and so forth. And here! Here it was completely different. The person was genuinely interested in what I do (what happens to be history). I spent four years at the university; however, I'd never managed to find a student who would have the same grasp of history as I have. This time it was not just the interest itself, it was some kind of a devotion to the subject or even something bigger!
It didn't take me much time to tell my friends about her. I should say that it's not common of me to do so, I prefer to keep everything to myself; yet here for some reason, I felt like it. I really did! That's what added something special to the whole thing as well. Not only was I ready to talk with my friends about her, but also writing. Poetry.
"You rule the Earth with great power,
I cannot help but crave
For the world being called our!"
I'm not much of a poet; I used to write something when I was just a kid, and then it didn't seem to be my cup of tea. Of course, I didn't show her any of my "poetry" notes—regardless!
I would gaze at her picture so many times that once one girl in the streets looked exactly like her! I'm serious, you could hardly tell one from the other, I even wanted to try and talk to her, just to be sure it wasn't Daniela (even though I knew it was impossible) but my shyness conquered me. Well, again, that's me. A timid, fragile pleb.
The day when she asked me if we could talk via video chat was one of the brightest days of my life. That was a bit weird though. Our last conversations weren't the best ones, so, probably she wanted to be sure about me; however, I didn't know which part of me exactly. I remember each hour, each minute, each second that took me to prepare, and now it seems so pointless, so stupid, nah! No! I remember everything pretty well and I should keep it that way for the sake of justice. (But, why?) Shut up! There's no time for your earthly and pathetic whims! I shall tell everyone everything!
So, back to the point. Daniela and I had a wonderful conversation. Her voice was the reflection of the best Roman senators, which would finally let me forget the modern world, with all its care and pain—yes, care and pain. Those smoky streets with its tumbledown houses which only resembled the great moments of the past...
Something happened after that evening. Maybe it was all a dream, an illusion or something of that kind, yet all people started to look faceless and emotionless (maybe because you were talking with Daniela too much?) I've just told you to shut your mouth! Wasn't it clear enough?! So, there was just a white spot instead of a face. Even when I looked closer, it was nothing but a blur and white splash.
The next day I spent surfing the net, trying to find any other information about her. But there was nothing, no facebook page, no Instagram, nothing! Just the page on that website! I was thinking of visiting her country one day, but then it started to seem so unreal, so distant—I thought I must block her for my own good (you should have), but I didn't, I couldn't. She was too nice, too kind, too whatnot...
One of those days, my best friend (at least, he was at the time) called me, asked me what happened, why I stopped going to the library, my part-time job, even Facebook. I told him the truth. I told him exactly what I'm talking about right now. He immediately said that he should come over, but I didn't let him. Daniela must not see him! Nor you! No one, not a soul. Although I have a soul, I think. She'd always thought that it was a mistake made by nature. "Humans shouldn't have any souls, they make us so vulnerable!" she'd usually say. And you know what? She was right. (Still, when I didn't let my friend come in, I felt as if I'd lost something very precious.) No! You're wrong! Just go away! We don't need anyone but Daniela!
Souls are for the weak, if I want to become a better version of myself, I must get rid of it. I will. I have nobody but you! You Daniela, I shall join you! Glory, beauty and wonder in the shapeless and soulless world are awaiting us! Yes, my darling, there will be just the two of us, no living thing will bother us, for they will have nothing and no one to bother.