it's dark and I'm wondering what in the utter hell I'm is doing in this utter hell. The utter hell which is mind. The hell where I'm standing in the cold, freezing my ass off in itchy nylons and a skirt. Standing in a cold lake valley, surrounded by nothing by snow and ice. The usually beautiful lake to my layered in the frozen, the ice shining beneath the moonlight. I call this place the moonlit valley, yet it's name is sunrise peak. I've lived in this town for a very long time. My whole sixteen years of life.
I'm standing in the dark alone, in fact i'm staring at a who. A who that people consider is the weirdest guy. His figure opposing my six foot height by about three inches, maybe more. HIs shoulders narrowed from the cold. Eyes kept on my form at that moment. His name's Logan. Logan Skarr.
He's starting to piss me off. But i can't really think of a time when he hasn't. We've known each other since the ripe age of five. A time when finger painting nasty pictures was more in then taking pictures in the nude. A time when kisses on the lips were just a mere game. We've been together about eleven years. I learned to love him in more ways than one in those years. Those years have taught many things that should be learned in your late thirties in the middle of a divorce.
I really want to kill this bastard.
I mean probably because i'm really cold, and there's practically nowhere warm around us. The silent part of my mind wonders why he couldn't have chosen a twenty four hour walmart. Then at least we would be warm. Eleven o'clock at night is a screwy time to meet up. It is a time when every good little boy and girl should be snuggled in their house watching anime.
But unfortunately, I'm not good or little. In fact i would be considered the scariest person in my school, due to my ever opposing scowls and whatnot. I have pessimistic view on life. I can see the whole picture. Yet what's the point in that. Isn't it better to have your own opinion then to have some jackass mess with your brain.
Logan takes a hand out of his pocket, face remaining emotionless. A pack of cigarettes in his tannish-pale grip. Skillfully placing the box against his mouth, pulling a cigarette out with his teeth. flicking his lighter on with his free hand, the pale orange light illuminating his face slightly. My eyes on his nose, the way it twitches at the close up flame. The way it crinkled at the smell of tragedy, which is tobacco.
I stare, deciding to stay quiet and watch him smoke. He usually doesn't like it when people talk while he's smoking. He's picky in that way.
"I didn't know you smoked newports."
I am officially the stupidest being on the entire planet. THAT'S WHAT I HAD TO SAY! That's the worst freaking conversation starter in the entire worlds! 'I didn't know you smoke newports' ARE YOU INSANE!
I should run. He'll be fine since he'll be left to smoke in peace. He's much better off without a loudmouth like me. I mean i'm the worst company of the century. I couldnt even think of what say without it coming out completely wrong. i'm an idiot who deserves no one-
"Yeah…." Logan flushes. "They're...uh...really good…"
'Say that after you get cancer numbnuts'
"Oh thats nice," I grin to hide my guilt of the thoughts.
Cigarettes are the nastiest thing that i've ever tasted. I really didn't understand the addiction. The first inhales taste of bitter saliva mixed with muckus. stinging the back of your throat. It causes extreme coughing fits. The kind of fits that make you feel like you're some asthma diagnosed child. it a real pain in the ass.
"So what do you want to do."
If i could kill a man, i would have done in the early ages, BECAUSE….THIS GUY REALLY JUST ASKED THAT QUESTION?!
"You called me out here, so you tell me what ya wanna do." I say in the calmest voice possible. the thin tone of it seeping through my voice. Brain preparing me on what i would say if he said something stupid.
"Oh right…" He chuckles, turning away from me to blow the tobacco smoke from his breath, except he isn't turning back towards me. He just continues to smoke the cancer stick as if it's his own form of socialism.
Silence fills the air like the aftermath of gunshots. The smokes of his cigarette the defining point of the scene, inferring the winner. Except in this situation, there is no winner and their no chance of their being any winner. Not when he and I are involved.
His suddenly spitting breaks the silences. His back straight as he spits out the cigarette stomping down on the ground, rubbing his toes in the bud. He turns towards me. A thin expression on his semi chubby cheeked face.
"I love you."
I blink. Did i just hear what i think i did? Nahhhh. There's no way.
"Oh that's nice," I grin, closing my eyes. "could you repeat that statement...i don't think i understand french."
I pretend that the wind is the one making him flush, because anything else would just be plain weird.
"I said that I love you Layla Foster."
I don't know if there's a time for someone's mouth to drop, and i don't know if that's actually what i'm doing. But honestly the shock is clear as his words a second time. Not to mention he used my whole name. MY WHOLE NAME!
"Oh no…" i mutter aloud. "Oh god...WHAT THE HELL!"
He stares at me with this expression on his face. I don't know what expression it was because it's so dark outside. But woman's intuition tells me that he's bothered by my reaction.
"Well this turned into a waste of time…" he mutters, the misery in his voice slapping my shock to the frozen lake across from us.
"Wait wait wait!" I panick, waving my hands around like a madwoman. "You didn't even let me say anything."
He whips his head towards me. "YOU SAID ENOUGH!" he snaps harshly.
I purse my lips, swallowing the nervous saliva down my throat. Because he was right. I did say something, and it was quite stupid. Something that could probably threaten our friendship...or worse...the fluttering in my nervous chest.
"NO! I didn't even get to answer your question!" Denial is another river in that african country that i can't seem to remember at the moment.
I expect him to throw a fit, just turn his back and stomp away from back to his emancipated lonely apartment. He's the type of guy who does that crap. He like a baby trapped in a sixteen year old's body. Not that i was much better…
"Are you being serious?" i ask carefully, one part of me hoping for a no, while the other is screaming 'PLEASE GOD BE SERIOUS!'
He rolls his eyes. "No, I was just being serious!"
I held back the dancing african lions in my brain.
"What brought this on." I wonder dumbly. Because in all honesty, no one in the world confesses to their best friend unless there's something going on.
'Maybe he's actually gotten cancer from smoking those sticks…' A flash of horror passed through me. Oh crap! this couldn't be happening! This is not fault in our stars shit. Logan wouldn't dare tell me that he lighted up like a christmas tree with the big C. DAMN YOU JOHN GREEN! I never knew you could make my life this horrifying without me actually having met you!
Logan doesn't answer my question right away. He only stares in what seems like contempt. I can barely see anything but the frown on his lips.
"I don't know." He answers. "I figure i'll figure that out eventually."
"Well then there nothing i can do about it," i answer.
He shrugs, smirking a bit at my answer. Just like the shithead he is.
"What are you smirking at?"
The sound of his gym shoes crunching the snows echoes to the window. He cranes his neck two inches downward inches from my face. .
"I think i know what we can do now."
He leans towards me, warm breath tickling my cool face. Its relaxing yet at the same time unsettling. There's this weird rough texture brushing against my mouth, warmth tickling the skin a bit. I don't know if i should run...or continue standing like statue staring at its visitor with a frog eyed look.
It doesn't take a scientist to figure out what he's doing, but it sure as hell takes one to make some wild decisions. Is he even going to want this to go somewhere. I wonder this as he brushes his chapped, rough lips against mine. Part of me wants to pull away and punch him in the throat. But the part want to pucker lips and allow him to place his mouth on mine. Damn you ya stupid brain.
'I wonder how good of a kisser he actually is-Noooo but he's my best friend...but it won't hurt anyone to try...except us in the end….and quite possibly our friendship...what if this is like some love manga and we end up like those people…' I stumble a bit at the thought.
I catch myself but quickly lose as though the winds of decision suddenly exist just to shove me forward. His waiting lips the cushions to my slight fall. Lips connecting at an awkwardly fast movement. I stare into his slightly widened eyes.
I don't know why...but it kind if hurts. Like physcially, not mentally. Our teeth our clinking against one another's and his lips are pressed way too hard against my own. My eyes kind of hurt staring at him this closely. I squeeze them shut to lessen the disappoint. This kiss was not what i'd imagine. It was actually quite shitty. I mean i wasnt expecting Titanic. But i wasn't expecting this either.
He lessens the pressure of his kiss, easing of a bit.
'Well that's...better...but…' i cautiously squint an eye open, the other eye lid twitching with my movements. I ignore it. I needed to get a better look.
His eyes are closed, but not forced shut like mine. He actually looks yo be enjoying himself and despite my displeasure of the horrible kiss it isn't so bad. As long as one of us enjoys it...it cant be that bad. And what more can i possible want. I mean im kissing the only guy that ive ever really liked. And just being in this moment with him Is better than i can ever imagine.
He pulls away breathing heavily. His face flushed from the heat as well as cold mixing together. The cold a nice medicine from the recent activity.
"Does this mean we're dating?" I wonder aloud innocently.
"What do you think?" He grins.
"That i'm probably going to need to start brushing my teeth."
It takes him a while to figure out what i said. When he does he start spitting furiously. Wiping his mouth repeatedly.
I chuckle. "I'm just kidding."
"loves an open door right." I grin mockingly.
I'm glad that i came out tonight.
"Did you really just quote frozen…"
The grin falls flat. I really should have stayed home and watched anime like a good girl. I swear this guy really pisses me off.