Operation: D.C.M.Y.W.

A TV show filled with traps, deaths, monsters, villains, victims, games, fun, hazards, maze... deaths... Did I said traps already?

Camera 1 rolled its tape, panning to the main stage of the show. Various cheers from the audiences echoed inside the room, the bulletproof glass prevented the vibration to tarnish the place where the event will be held. Stage lights went on, providing more visions for the audiences. The room itself was spacious, many ominous metal gates surrounding it. One of the metal gates had an "Entrance" label at the top. Behind them were hidden from darkness.

"Welcome to Operation: D.C.M.Y.W.! What it means? I don't even know. I'm your host, Rita Ryder!"

Camera 2 panned down on a studio where the host was residing. She was sitting comfortably behind a desk, various stacks of papers on the wooden surface. In front of the host's view was a large, rectangular screen that shows various angles of the main stage. In short, there was no escape for the poor participants.

The host narrowed her eyes, "If you dare call me Rita Kaplan, make sure you'd paid for your plans for your funeral." She was silent for a few seconds before erupting a loud snicker.

"In case for some miracle you missed the intro, this is a TV show with lots and lots of entertainment! And I'd earned my rightful place as a host because that guy named Charlie Dick can't even torture them right!" The young woman clapped her hands, "Anyway, let's meet our lucky participants!~"

The room fell dead silent for a whole minute. Even the crowds went strangely quiet, anticipating the host's next words.

"Narrator guy, that's your cue, you dumbass!"

"I have a name, bitch!" Comes an angry, deep voice that comes from the announcer of Soul Calibur IV if you managed to piss off he guy.

"I also have a name, fucker, and that's Rita Ryder!"

"Ever heard of respect?! I'm giving you the narration role because this segment isn't fitting for me!"

"Whatever. Let's just move on before we waste our breath and time bickering back and forth."

A weird and creepy jingle started playing. Camera 1 was back on the roll as it shifted its focus on the labeled metal gate.


A/N: I'd missed the old days where Resident Evil Cage Match was a huge hit. I enjoy shitty slap-stick violence and weird humor, so this one is born. Participants aren't finalized yet, so keep an eye out on the update. See you then.


Operation: D.C.M.Y.W.L. used to have an actual meaning, but I'd made it and forgot to jot it down somewhere, and it'll lose its original essence if I rename it to something else so I stuck with it.

The introduction is closely similar to Tangora's Resident Evil Cage Match, the Fanfiction that inspired me to create this one. I added my own twists so it wouldn't be an obvious copy-and-paste.

I used Dave Mallow's pitch for my character Charlie, aka the Narrator (its origin is in my first crack, Supposedly Parallel Universe But Hits Omniverse) because of this random thought: how does he sound like when he's pissed?

Rita Kaplan is my headcannon daughter of the movie character from Resident Evil, Chad Kaplan. It's been many years, but I haven't written the origin story yet.