"Death, catch!"

The black screen disappeared to reveal our host waving a brown bone snack in the air.


A large German Sheppard ran towards Rita, leaping towards the thrown biscuit. The host clapped her hands together and glanced at the camera. "Welcome back, to Operation DCMYWL. I hope you are all ready because the first round is about to start now-"

"Hold it!" Backdoor Memo yelled across the room, "Host, you need to clarify that they don't fight each other to the death at the end of every round. You have to tell them they'll fight each other after a special round!"

"Awww, dammit! I thought I can let it slide..." Rita playfully frowned. She shrugged her shoulders, smiling back up, "Well, what he said. They can rest easy... BUT, I'll make sure it'll be double the pain!" She let out a grim cackle, the sounds of lightning reverberated in the room. Camera 1 scooted away from her.

"Woof, woof!" The German Sheppard approach Rita, wagging his tail and glancing at her with doe eyes.

She turned her head to the side, "Let's see what our wonderful participants are currently doing right now." She reached down and petted the dog's head, "Because me and Death are going to play for a while."


Rita took out a larger bone from her pocket and waved it in front of her pet. The dog jumped up and down, excited to get another snack from his master.

"Go for it, Death! Fetch!" She threw the bone across the room.


When you hear the word cage, you imagined it being dark, tight and creepy. Loneliness creeps in your soul as the cold embraces your physical shell. The bed, if there was even one, was stiff as a board, and too small to fit your large frame. It was everyone's hidden nightmare, and not even the strongest people are invulnerable in this fact. No one would want to commit crime and experience this hell hole.

Not for our Brutal Briton, though.

"Sir Briton!" One of the guards called his attention as he went on ahead, "You're given a special room to stay. Please enjoy!" He unlocked the gates and pushed it open. He flick the switch near the wall, illuminating the dark room with bright light. Inside was definitely not your regular jail room; you would honestly mistook it as a 5-star hotel room, with luxurious objects ranging from king-sized bed to a tall double-door refrigerator... Anyone would want to experience this life, even if they had to fight for their lives. Oh, and also have a chance to talk to Brutal Briton in person.

The ominous man peered inside, nodding his head as he checked it for any possible traps. This was indeed a proper place to settle, especially with his neck on the line. Rita sure knows how to treat him right. He glanced at the two guards and dug his hands on his pockets. "This is my thanks for your efforts," He handed them an expensive packs of cigarettes, "May you vote for the righteous challenger. Repeat this after me, I will vote wisely."

"I will vote wisely!" They roared in unison as they took the gift of honor.

"Ugh, this place stinks!" Amethyst slammed her rear down on the sturdy chair. Her hands roughly tugged on her long, silvery-white hair as she screamed in frustration, "Rita, how dare you treat me like this! I thought we were best friends?!"

Camera 58 backed away from her, giving a clear view of her temporary shelter.

Yes, it really looked like shit.

The room was practically every criminal's nightmare: no bed, no window, just the old walls with cracks engraved on it, one plastic chair, and the rather normal-looking sink and toilet. No sane person would be happy on being assigned to this room.

Amethyst raised her legs and hugged them close to her body, lowering her head on her knees. She sobbed, she didn't wanna stay on this place anymore. Her white dress was going to be stained with dirt and grime and she couldn't do anything to clean it. Rita was a big, fat meanie and she's dropping her friendship with her. The young girl recalled being kidnapped by two men in black suits as she was playing Pump-up Fiesta: EX Redux on the local arcade. Her head was covered with a cloth as her body was carried with broad arms. She wildly kicked her legs and punched with all her might, but it wasn't enough. She was a goner.

And here she was now on the worst place on the whole galaxy. Amethyst closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Here's your cage." The escort informed the violet-haired woman as he made haste on leaving her. It was almost time for his favorite show, "Ruby Crystal: The Hunt For The Sapphire's Booty", and he wouldn't miss any second of it. It was the long-awaited episode; Ruby Crystal was going to eat Sapphire's booty for dinner.

...What, this can bump into M, you know? Getting back on the track...

Athena was about to inquire about her... rather normal-looking room, but he was long gone. She shrugged her slender shoulders and walked inside.

Her room consisted of an average-looking living room. It had a leather couch, a plasma LCD TV, with a matching cabinet for her movie needs, another cabinet choked with various educational books, and a single bed. There was another door inside, implying a private bathroom.

Rita sure knew how to treat her elders, she thought. The professor was confused with the special treatment, but she couldn't really complain about it. She had to cherish the remaining minutes of peace before her life will be placed on the line. The violet-haired woman approached the cabinet and pulled out a book entitled "The Weeping Booth" by an author named A. Wesker. She narrowed her eyes. Was this man the reason why they were even in this mess?

When the two escorts guided them on the cage, they were shaking on their knees. Ranmaru wore the deadliest of glare, but that wasn't the reason why they were intimidated. No, it was because of the pigtail clip attached to his hair: it made him look a horrible cross-dressing freak. The scare-factor was amplified when Soramaru glanced at them and scowled.

"Hey, you two." The raven-haired woman spoke as they stopped from their tracks, arriving at the front of their new home.

"Y-yes, miss?" The two escorts squawked in unison.

She rose an eyebrow, "Does this have a bathroom?"


"And a comfy bed?"


She squinted at them, her frown deepened, "Are you sure?"


Ranmaru chuckled at the scene, "Hey, let's not waste our rest time scaring them." He trudged forward and slammed the gates close. The two escorts jumped from their place, letting out a girly yelp. They automatically ran like horses, their legs galloping as they headed back off-screen.

Soramaru dropped down from his shoulders. She stretched her arms and let out a loud yawn, "Man, if only the break lasted for an hour, I can do some warm-ups."

The silver-haired man placed his hand on the top of her head, "We can't really complain. Let's relax our muscles over there," He pointed his fingers towards the king-sized bed, "And maybe take a 5 minute nap."

"Sounds good." She embraced his body, "Sorry again for being stupid."

He smiled down at her, wrapping his arms around her body to carry her bridal style. "Hey, you did all you could to fend them off. We were outnumbered. Let's just survive this hell, alright?"

Today is March 6. It's the 65th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar. So why not buy our limited edition human-sized Gregorian-styled Calendar? Don't know how it looks? We never show it to anyone, since we fear it'll be imitated and sold on a higher price. It's made from authentic materials that'll last a lifetime. Your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandchildren will sure see it in its glory!

Order now and get a chance to own two copies of our calendar! That's right, two!

...Did we fail to mention our year go until year 201,820,182,018?

Just dial the number 800-NOT-A-SCAM! 800-NOT-A-SCAM!

Rita glanced at the big digital clock attached on the top of the wall. "Man, only 5 minutes have passed, including the commercial break?! Wow, the time sure is slow on this one..." She scowled, rolling her body across the floor.

"Hey, don't steal the job of the janitors!" The strict narrator yelled off-screen.

The host abruptly stopped from her tracks, giving him the evil eye, "I do what I want, because I'm Rita Ryder! You can't tell me how to live my life!"

"You fucking dumbass!" The narrator paused, "...AND CALL ME BY NAME, DAMMIT! STOP WRITING ME AS JUST A NARRATOR!"

Rita shrugged her shoulders, "Eh, whatever, Charlie. Besides, people will get lost on memorizing the names so I'm going to call you narrator for the rest of this crack."

"...You got a point."

"Anyway!" Rita rose from the ground and jumped towards her lovely king chair, landing perfectly on the seat cushion, "Let's poke our noses on the participants' business!"

Camera 5 rolled the tape, first viewing the cage of Brutal Briton. The badass man was relaxing on his own resort, his body soaked in bubbling swimming pool. A bottle of Jack Daniel's was on his side, and a bowl of fresh fruits on the other. A black sunglasses covered his eyes, as a satisfied smirk was carved on his lips.

Rita let out an amused whistle, "Woot! Fanservice! Look at those majestic rock-hard man boobs!"

The audience squealed in delight. Some wanted to get in the arena just to take a closer look at his body. Fear not, as our Camera 5 zoomed in on his squeaky-clean chest. A lot of women fainted on the spot, while others unzipped their flies to pleasure themselves.

A ding could be heard on the host's place.

"Aw, dammit! Time already? Welp, release the cracken!"




No one escorted the participants out from the cage.

"Hey, what the hell's the meaning of this?!" Rita leaned forward from the desk, glancing at the side.

"Sorry, boss!" Backdoor Memo yelled, "Even the guards fainted when they saw how perfect Brutal Briton's body was!"

Rita slammed her face on the desk, "I fucking regret adding fanservice on this one." She removed her face on the desk, and inhaled a choke ton of air, "RELEASE THE ROBOTS!"

Numerous AI emerged from the ground. How they appeared, well, use your imaginations. They went together in four groups, each of them heading to the cages where the participants are resting. They opened the gate and ushered them outside. They emerged from their rooms, fear written all over their face. Except Brutal Briton, he was smiling in anticipation.

The robots guided them on the center of the arena. The huge plasma TV dropped down in front of them.

Rita cleared her throat, "Ahem, so anyway... Welcome back, lovely mortals!" She held out her arms as she released an ominous cackle, "It's time for you all to die trying to kill my pets!"

Amethyst roared in anger as she punched the screen again, "LET! ME! GO! I! HATE! YOU! SO! MUCH!"

Athena shook her head and heaved out a disappointed sigh, "Oh, Rita. You and your games... You really want to test our convictions." She crossed her arms and gave her a stern look, "I won't lose so easily, you know?"

Ranmaru glanced at Soramaru, "Let's keep our heads cool as we coordinate with our teammates."

The raven-haired woman nodded, intertwining her hand on his, "Right. We'll make it out alive, even if you're the only one alive."

"Correction: you alive."

"No, you!"

Rita cleared her throat, disrupting the lover's quarrel, "Ahem, anyway. Your objective today is to kill my pets! Release the hounds!"

The ugly, rusty-looking metal gate slowly rose from the ground, eerie noise scrapping against the concrete wall. Much time has passed before it stopped with a loud slam. Light, tapping noise could be heard, then a bunch of cute looking dogs emerged from the darkness. They all panted, their big, doe eyes gazing at the participants.

Soramaru squealed as she knelt down, coaxing the animals to come towards her, "Spike! Come!"

The plasma TV left the ground as it was pulled upward, Rita's smug face was plastered on the screen. Briton glanced up, eyeing her carefully.

Amethyst ran forward, preparing herself to lunge at the closest dog, "Fluffers! How can I kill you? You're too pure and innocent!"

Right on cue, the dogs dropped down their jaws, revealing a rotten cavern inside. Their mouths were covered in blood and decay. Their fur cascaded down on the floor, revealing a decomposed skin and meat. Soramaru backed away, feeling the vile rising down her throat. Amethyst screamed and ran back to the center, embracing the frozen Athena.

"Say hello to our zombie dogs!" The host announced on the speaker, "Fight or flight! ...No, I just stole them from Wesker. He doesn't know how to feed them. Look at them, they're skinny!" The microphone snapped shut before Rita reveals the reason why she wanted to kill the zombie dogs.

Brutal Briton craned his neck as he sauntered towards the dogs. He punched his fist against his palm, "Come. I shall pet you."

The dogs barked, their tails wagging from high alert. They lowered their upper bodies, readying themselves to pounce on the man. In a blink of an eye, the dogs were already in the air, about to land on our favorite participant. Before they could have a taste of his delicious meat, Brutal Briton jumped in the air, performing an uppercut. His fist landed on the first dog, then it recoiled to the next, and then they flew to the next, then slammed their backs on the other, until all of them splatted on the wall, erupting a huge explosion.

"Holy shit my vagina just explode!" Our baffled host screamed at the microphone, her eyes popping from their sockets, "I was about to correct my announcement about fighting each other on the end of the round, it'll only happen on a special round when I feel like making your lives miserable! Goddamn Briton, you're the man!" She rubbed her arms as a pleasant moan escaped her lips, "You earned a fanservice from me! The bonus objective was to kill all dogs in under five seconds, but you done it in slow motion!"

The crowds couldn't contain themselves as the building vibrated from their screams. News flash talked about how this specific episode had stopped the war between Murica and Koleon!

Amethyst just stared in awe. Pretty red colors... It was disgusting but pretty. She wanted to try doing that soon!

Athena glanced down on the young girl and shook her head. The professor was thankful she wouldn't be suffering from a nightmare, judging by her reaction.

Meanwhile, the couples couldn't take their jaws off the floor. Brutal Briton earned their respect. They would definitely rely on him.

"Alright," Rita slammed her fist on the desk, "You all can choose between a Magnum Revolver with six rounds, or a bunch of sturdy Iron Pipes."

"Why would we use one Magnum that only has six rounds? The pipes are more viable."

"You're right. Besides, blunt force trauma is harder than a pathetic gun.

"One of us can't use a gun for being underage, so having everyone with a pipe is a better choice."

"Hey! I'm not underage! I'm already eighteen!"

"Hmph. If you think you can entice us with a gun, you are mistaken."

The host shrugged her shoulders, "Eh, okay. Iron Pipe it is. Man, I was expecting you all to pick the gun this time..." Her lips curled into a sad frown.

The ceiling opened, dropping the weapon of choice. Briton caught two, the couples got one each, one landed in front of Athena, and Amethyst was struck on the head.

"Hey! What gives?!"

"Time to usher them back on the cage!" Rita held out a paper bag, "What's the best meal to eat after a hard day? Why, King Burger of course!"

The escorts were back on ushering them back on their cages. Amethyst tried to make a run for it, but she was easily caught and thrown to her cell.

"Well, that was a great start. See you next time for the next round! Feel free to request, because we don't want to make this short when I ran out of ideas." Rita waved at the screen.

The phrase Hold it! is an obvious reference to Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

Pump-up Fiesta: EX Redux is a parody of the arcade machine Pump It Up Fiesta 2.

Ruby Crystal: The Hunt For The Sapphire's Booty is a parody of the following:

-The characters Ruby and Sapphire from Pokemon.

-The song Pirates of the Frontier.

-The pirate's search for treasure, which they call booty.

The Weeping Booth is a parody of The Crying Booth by Tangora.

Rita getting sad that they didn't pick the gun is a reference on Resident Evil Cage Match where the participants chose the combat knives over a handgun loaded with 15 bullets.