Day One

Well...I'm stuck in the Underworld. I bet you're wondering how and why and what the hell (pun intended) is going on. Lucky for you, I have nothing to do but write in this little book about myself and what's going on. Okay, here goes:

I was born on December 2nd 1975 in a hospital in-

I'm just kidding. All you need to know about me right now is that I'm nineteen years old, I'm currently doing a gap year before I go to university next year, and I have necromancy powers. Yes, you read that last bit right. Among other things, I can turn into a ghost at will, control the spirits of the dead, and OPEN PORTALS TO THE FUCKING UNDERWORLD, APPARENTLY.

(Sorry, I'll try and keep swearing to a minimum in case any kids read this. Kids, swearing is not cool.)

Anyway, I somehow managed to open a portal to the Underworld on my way home from my part-time job this evening. And wouldn't ya know it: it was right under my feet. So I fell into it. And ended up in this hellhole (pun intended).

The guy who runs this place is called Thanatos. He's a demon. More specifically, he's the king of the demons. I was brought to him by a demon guy called Macho...Marco...something. The guy who found me, let's just say that. My ankle still hurts from that landing, then being pushed a mile and a half to this Thanatos guy's castle, which is where I am right now, writing this. If I had to sum up my conversation with him, it'd go something like this:

Thanatos: What are you doing here? How did you get here?

Me: Well, I have necromancy powers and I accidentally opened a portal here and fell into it. I didn't mean to and now I can't seem to make a portal back home, so please can you send me back?

Thanatos: Um...NO.

Me: Asshole.

Okay, I didn't actually call the demon king an asshole. I didn't call him anything; I was too afraid of being incinerated.

But fortunately, he seemed to take a liking to me. Or maybe that's UNfortunately? Cuz he told me that I was now stuck here. Yeah, right. I find it very hard to believe that the King Of The Underworld (™) has no way of going back to the "Overworld", as he refers to it as (in other words, Planet Earth ™).I think he's just keeping me here as something to look at; he's already told me he thinks I'm beautiful. I wish I could report him for harassment and kidnapping but I can't, for two reasons:

1) He's the king of the Underworld so who the fuck am I supposed to report him to? Jesus?

2) Even if there WAS someone to report him to, what idiot would DARE report a guy who can set you on fire with a wave of his hand and would laugh as he watched you burn slowly to death?

Deep sigh. I know you can't see/hear me, so I'll tell you that I'm sighing VERY heavily.

At least this Thanatos guy was nice enough to give me a cool room, even if I AM locked in it. I have a queen-sized bed, a massive walk-in wardrobe (albeit with no clothes inside), my own bathroom with a bath twice the size of my bed, and a balcony overlooking the front of the castle. I'm sitting at the table on the balcony with this journal in front of me, writing away the time. Speaking of time, he was also nice enough to give me a clock showing the time and date of the Overworld, cuz apparently there is no time or date down here in the Underworld. No day or night. But I can tell you that it's 9:30pm on Wednesday March 9th, 1994. At least, it is in the Overworld.


I've only been in this place a few hours and already I desperately miss my brother, Loki. He also has powers, but his are illusion powers. So naturally, he works as a magician, doing shows weekly in Cliffordstown Royal Theatre (which, FYI, was opened by Queen Victoria herself in 1877. Yes, it's extremely old). He's five years older than me so he has a place of his own, which he's letting me live in, rent-free, for my gap year. He's always looked out for me like that, ever since the two of us migrated over to England from our birth country of Norway when I was ten. We came over with our uncle, who suddenly disappeared really mysteriously a few years ago. I miss him too, but not as much. I guess that sounds mean, but it's only because he was really only ever a way to get from Norway to England. He didn't really care about us. He only agreed to bring us over because it meant he could get a cheaper ticket. So who knows where he is now.

You know what? I'm going to write this diary as if I'm writing directly to Loki. Maybe I if I pretend I'm actually talking to him, I won't miss him as badly. Okay, I'll try that.

I'm tired, Loki. It's now 10pm in the Overworld and if I'm going to be here a long time, I want to stick as close to my Overworld schedule as possible, in terms of eating, sleeping, and exercising.

So goodnight, I guess. Love you, brother.