I've been hurt many times.

I had gotten used to heartache.

The pain of a break up.

A ruined relationship.

This time around,I had been hurt again.

You have been acting bitter and I hate it.

I am insecure and yet you're harsh towards me.

This makes me angered.

It was then I decided I'm better off alone.

We call it quits on our relationship.

All due to a quarrel.

A quarrel that I blame myself for.

We're both upset over it.

You needed time to think.

I believed you.

I left you to it.

During this time,I throw a pity party for one.

I'm ill and wanting to perish.

Your words cut deeper than a blade.

I ache over you.

I'm weeping.

It almost feels like I'll die.

How could I have screwed up like this?

I thought you had loved me.

All I wanted was to be loved.

To be treated with kindness.

To be appreciated.

To be happy with you.

All I get is your cold words.

I distance myself from you.

I am very much afraid.

Of being pushed away.

Being yelled at.

I want to speak to you.

But,I know I have to give you space.

I get easily angered and jealous when the thought of you being with another female crosses my mind.

All I desire is to make things right.

Even though I'll most likely be alone.

I feel like I made a mistake.

By leaving you.

My friends say you're mean.

But I believe otherwise.

I feel I am at fault.

When clearly I'm not.

I have fallen apart.

Into tiny pieces.

My heart is in need of mending.

I do not understand.

I thought you were happy with me.

Happy to be with me.

Happy to have me in your life.

Head over heels for me.

I guess I was proven wrong.

I speak to you once more.

Then you break the ice.

By confessing you aren't ready.

For a relationship.

I was saddened as I was desperate.

But I understood how you felt.

I distance myself once more.

Out of fear you'd be angry with me.

Part of me believes you.

While the other half doesn't.

I am filled with doubt.

While other men want me.

I can't fathom being without you.

However,one man still crosses my mind.

I am far too anxious.

To get into another relationship.

Even though this man.

Still makes me weak.

In the knees.

I still think of him.

I still want him.

But,my heart is conflicted.

On who to be with.

I am on the fence.

In my defense.

I was the one.

Who carries shame.

I say no to two possible suitors.

One of whom I nearly end up in a toxic relationship with.

His arrogance would have trapped me.

It is what frightened me.

I cut him out of my life.

Still thinking of you.

Still aching for you.

Still in pain over.

The fight we had.

What should I do now?

Should I get with another man?

And be without you.

Or should I sit and wait.

Hoping you come back to me.

And take me into your arms.

To comfort me.

And hold me close.

My heart is damaged.

I blame you.

Yet I still find myself.

Yearning for you.

For now,I am need.

Of solitude.

All I wanted was to be loved.

To be cherished.

But I am angry.

At myself.

At the world.

And at you.

I hate how things have ended.

Between you and I.

It's an ugly shipwreck.

In need of fixing.

As much as I desire love.

I can't make any rash decisions.

I sit and wait.

Making me ache and ache.

With each and every hour.

Every time I get closer.

You shut down on me.

I down myself.

Thus ending the conversation.

Leaving me in the dark.

I can take a little hesitating.

If it's worth the wait.

I can't read your mind.

Either you want me.

Or you don't.

It's that simple.

I hang on.

Like I always do.

Hoping for the best.

But it'll be the worst.

Knowing I tend to get my hopes up.

I can never predict how my life will turn out.

I am doomed.

To be forever alone.

You've taken my breath away.

My heart is incomplete.

I wish I could make you understand.

The pain I am in.

Without you.

Without your love.

How do you expect me?

To live without you?

To go on.

To let you go.

Tell how I'm supposed to cope.

Now that we're separated.

I am lost.

I am single.

I am ruined.

I am heartbroken.

I no longer believe.

In fairy tales.

But I did believe.

In you and me.

In a happy ending.

In a happy life.

But now,it can never happen.

Now that we're broken up.

Author note:This poem was inspired by my break up with my recent ex whom I was with for a month. The break up happened a week ago. This is also inspired by three songs titled "Private Parts" by Halestorm ft. James Michael of Sixx A.M., "No Air" by Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown, and "Wonderland" by Natalia Kills. Before anyone jumps to conclusions,that first song isn't about intercourse just because of the title. If one were to ACTUALLY hear the song,they'd know what it's really about. Other than that,keep a heads up for chapter 16 of Boys and Pets for those reading it. The chapter is a work in progress and will be submitted soon. Stay tuned.