I heard a knock on my door and rose from my papers to check who it was. To my surprise a very much real Rahel was standing outside. I opened and started saying, 'Hey...' But she interrupted me immediately and walked inside with a finger pointed at me in a threatening way.
'You...what are you playing at?'
Surprised by her aggressive tone I took a step back and asked, 'What do you mean?'
'You've been hitting on me for like two months, and yet you have a boyfriend'. Her accusations were true, I couldn't deny her words.
'I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have...but I cannot help reacting in ways I don't want to. I told myself time and time again that I don't even find you attractive, but I guess my body must somehow think differently'. I tried to explain, but it was hard. I myself couldn't quite accept the truthfulness of my statement.
She hissed at me lowly, her eyes full of anger and hurt. I held her gaze, knowing it would be worse to try and run away from responsibilities now.
'You stay out of my life,' she shouted putting some space between us. 'Don't talk to me, don't sit near me, don't look at me!'
I started at the way she finished her sentence. I strode forward as she was turning around to leave and grabbed her wrist. Clutching tightly on her thin limb I forced her against my desk and she had to look up at me into the eye.
'You can cut me out of your life, ignore me all you want. But I will continue to act as I please, even if I want to keep staring at you for the entire time we are in the same room'.
She struggled a bit against my grip, but I didn't let go. Instead I got closer, my hot breath was suddenly on her neck and before I could stop myself I added, 'Or would you prefer me to pretend that my body doesn't react to you. To painfully repress the heat in my insides when I see you, to resist the urge to touch you'. As if to add a remark to my words, my right hand sneaked below her clothes and firmly rested against her hip. 'Do you even understand what you are asking me?' I questioned her pallid face, her eyes fixed on the wall behind me.
'You're driving me insane,' she breathed out and her pitch black pupils dilated.
'Then show me, this insanity you speak of,' I whispered to her ear.
And then she was. Like a violin cord snapped out of its restrainers, she was crashing her lips against mine and in the heat of the moment I forgot to back away.
I forgot all the reasons which had led me to give up on us and just kissed her back. Her lips as soft as a ripe plum, her cheeks were flushed, red, and I breathed in her scent. My hands moved on their own, exploring her body, playing with her hair, while every function in my brain had shut down.
Then, as a cold shower, I realised what was going on and jumped back, hitting the wall behind me. We stared at each other for a few more deadly silent minutes before she grabbed her fallen bag from the floor and exited my room, slamming the door behind her. I was left there, speechless and in a limbo. My heart was racing, but I didn't know towards which goal.