Isaac recalled his past kid self with a mixture of sorrow, regret, and indifference.. For some reason, these mashed feelings that made no sense were all he could express to himself, and he stayed that way, lost in these horrible memories, until his alarm clock brought him back to reality.. He did have the uncontrollable habit of zoning out and plunging deep into his own mind, even at school he had a hard time keeping himself from trailing off and moderating his excessive daydreams.. An alarm ringing for each hour seemed to be an effective solution, but sadly it couldn't be that easy in class..
He gazed down at the grey item on his desk, now in concern: "Is it really alright to read on?..", the diary has been "lost" for days now, so it was no longer an ethical problem, and he did want to know more about this person, for he was intrigued, and for once, he found something that could bring him out of his monotonous life.. Besides, he still had a long sleepless night ahead of him, as usual..
"Why not?", he proceeded with the mystery in hand, and turned a couple of pages until another puddle of black ink greeted him, and it went as following:
I feel like I need to be away of people for a while.. I feel like I socialised enough, too much actually, to the point where I felt as if my very personal space was invaded.. It did keep me away from the bad thoughts that ususally swarm my mind, but it's like.. chaos is urging me, calling me.. I know being surrounded with people benefits me 24/7; but I yearn for a diffrent kind of balance..
I miss being alone.. yeah maybe that's it; I want to be alone, just like back during my 1st and 2nd grade.. Although I used to call them "My worst years ever"; I still was able to draw alot, write alot, listen to music alot, read alot, basically do the things I feel like I need to do the most in my life..
I know it willl make me feel worse later on if I stayed by myself for long, definitely, but I can't help it.. I need it..
By the end of the page, Isaac's face seemed to be a pale mass of meat, completely devoied of emotions, while anxiety was building up in his stomach and a load of spikes was ripping the insides of his now sore throat.. He wanted to unsee what he just read.. He didn't feel ready to.. relate.. to anything or anyone at all.. And this.. page.. recited exactly what he's been living in school everyday now.. Even though it wasn't as if he "wanted" to be alone; he WAS indeed alone, for as long as he could remember, and he couldn't do much about it, but it never really bothered him, and he never hoped for change, he got used to it and to his feelings.. At least that was what he kept obliging himself to believe..