My father was one strict old coot.

My brothers and I had it bad growing up, but our sisters had it worse.

When my sister, who was in high school, was going out on her first date, my father wasn't about to let her stay out until all hours of the morning. When the boy came by to pick her up, my father told him that he wanted her back home before twelve, "and I'll be waiting up to make sure that she is."

The kid was respectful, he recognized a potential kick in the behind when he saw one, but as soon as my father left the room, he asked my sister, "What happens at midnight? You turn into a pumpkin?"

"No," my sister told him. "Just have me home early because you don't want to find out what my father turns into."