All these thoughts, moving against my heart

All these cares, without a net they fall.

My tears come-

Always looking for his smile, his wave, his hug.

I seek his face, emptiness greets me.

All these reasons, but the heart wants does it not?

It's been so long since ache has saturated this heart.

the same old song, that maybe this guy is the one.

He smiles then says the wrong things,

He sings to songs that my heart shatters to hear-

How could he?

Why would he?

His mind is revealed through his words,

and his heart expressed through his tongue.

"Keep the heart with all diligence

out of it springs the issues of life."

So many times he has heard these words

And so many times he has said them,

Yet the jokes he tells and the garbage he sells

Makes me wonder if his heart is there.

Oh why why why have I let myself believe these lies

Emotions choke my heart,

Logic fights to win,

This battle won't stop, I can't let it stop

I have to believe in His will-

I have to believe that He will prevail

Because nothing will stop the Lord from winning

Be it by many or by few

My eyes travel between the waves and my savior's eyes.

Oh how I long to be freed from this blindness

This blindness that I have inflicted.

I prayed for humility and the Lord has answered with wind.

I prayed for patience and the Lord has allowed darkness to sink in.

The shackles of emotion chain me to this patch of ocean,

and all I want to do is let myself sink.

But His voice keeps telling me to cry out, "Lord, save me!"

Oh how long I have lectured my friends

on putting emotions aside,

but how the journey is hard and my feet swell with protest.

I long to succumb to the elements all around

As if I think I will enjoy the pain that will come about.

He smiles with me and smiles with her

He waves to me and waves to her,

He hugs me and hugs her

He talks with me and laughs with her.

God, where is the end?

When will hearts cease to break and begin to mend.

When will I learn to trust

When will I learn to bend.

Oh God, when will it all finally end?

Oh, God, You are all I have, and all I need.

It will be Your name that I will sing

My heart seeks You in other things,

Yet without fail, Your love is my only source

Your warmth is the only hope

Your arms are the only ones that hold

You are faithful oh God

though my heart wanders,You hold me in place.

I hear you warning me against where I set my face

I hear You call me to return with haste.

Oh, Father, where is love, where is peace?

Where have I set my heart's keys?

Have I given them to You?

or have I passed them around?

One set of eyes, holding my gaze,

His ears listening and his eyes full of grace

Though he was not the one, he was sent by Him

I barely remember sitting with this man, but I do recall

Him laughing and smiling with me- only me.

I told him I wouldn't venture down the road he called me to

But I would walk my lonely road

Now as I reach yet another fork,

another voice, another set of eyes

This time, though I see clearer than before I cannot see at all.