Chelsea sat on the floor of the dungeon taking pictures of the window leading to the outside with her smartphone. It was rare for her to be locked inside a large spacious castle dungeon, so she took the opportunity to take the best photographs she could.

She looked at the pictures and sighed in frustration. The dungeon was too dark to take any decent photographs until the moon finished rising.

Her phone buzzed. She received some funny text messages from her friend Albina and responded to them with witticisms that she knew didn't match hers. She got another text message from her father telling her dinner was almost ready. Chelsea responded to him with reassurances that her work would be done soon.

The 18-year-old half Japanese girl had been kidnapped by [insert psycho main character here] and was waiting for him to make up his mind to show up to fulfill his misguided, unoriginal "50 Shades of Gray" fantasies.

She had been chained up in a compromising position, but being really bored and highly competent, she used her mutant powers to escape them. Chelsea could leave whenever she wanted to, but she had a point to make.

"Author, would you please finish your eternal revision of the first fanfic and get to writing your original content soon!" Chelsea yelled at the person writing this parody story. "I'm so sick of being a damsel in distress in almost every story you have with me! It sucks!"

As if on cue, her captor slammed the door open with an over-the-top evil grin. Imagine him to be whatever fictional character you want as long as he's uncharacteristically evil. He was wearing a scary dark outfit that was all black to match his over-the-top persona and hopefully make up for his one-dimensional personality.

He looked at the spot where she was chained before, and his eyes flashed in panic when he saw the chains cut apart on the ground.

Chelsea scooted herself away quietly so that she was more completely covered in shadow. She was grateful that she was wearing dark clothes for the occasion. She was wearing dark blue jeans, black tennis shoes, a green and brown plaid coat, and a black blouse with a neck line that ended just above her breasts to throw him off guard, of course. Chelsea had been planning this for a while. The brightest thing she wore was the red-beaded necklace her mother made for her.

"I told you not to escape, slave!" her captor said angrily. "Now, you will pay the price!"

He left the door open and started walking around the prison cell to look for any trace of his new plaything.

Chelsea facepalmed. At least, GLaDOS and the dream organization people were smart. It was worse than she thought.

Once he was close enough and had his back turned, Chelsea quickly activated her powers. Hard blue light photons flowed out of her hands to form two large discs. She put one of them on the ground and jumped on top of it. It rose into the air and she quietly flew over her captor's head. Chelsea then dissolved the disc under her feet and fell on top of him knocking him over immediately onto the ground.

"What the hell?!" he yelled while Chelsea kneeled next to him with her disc still on her arm which she held above his neck. "I'm supposed to be the one doing the torturing!"

"What are you doing right now?" Chelsea asked.


"Seriously, what are you doing? Why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean? I've kidnapped you, so I can torture you and traumatize you and make you fall in love with me somehow!"

"If you want to hurt me, why would I fall in love with you?"

"No, I'll turn into a gentleman, you'll forget all about the abuse, and we'll be happy ever after!"

Chelsea rolled her eyes.

She then stood up, dissolved her disc, and said, "Please tell me you know what's wrong with that sentence."

The frazzled Christian Gray wannabe stood up and said, "You will not be disrespectful to me, slave!"

A whip appeared in his hand out of nowhere and he prepared to strike it at Chelsea, but she created a shield with both her hands and until it surrounded her. Her captor struck at her shield while she yawned in boredom.

"No fair!" the black-clad villain yelled while jumping up and down like an upset toddler. "You have superpowers and can fight back!"

"How do you like them apples?" Chelsea asked with a smirk.

"No, this isn't over!" he yelled extra dramatically. "We can still make this work! Follow me or else!"

"Or else what?" Chelsea asked. "I could kill you right now if I wanted to, and I have established that I can defend myself if you threaten me with anything. I also know for a fact that none of my biological or spiritual family is in any danger. I have literally no reason to go with you. Face it. This whole setup is dumb."

"No, it's not!" her captor whined before pulling a maid outfit out of his coat. "Now, for your impetuousness, you have to wear this maid outfit and clean my house!"

Chelsea gagged in disgust and said, "You can't be serious. The skirt of that dress barely even covers my ass."

"Put it on now! I'll watch!"

"How about no?"

Chelsea created a disc and fired it at the outfit immediately splitting it in half.

"No! No! NO!" her captor yelled once again throwing a tantrum like a small child. "It's all ruined! You messed up everything! You have to make up for it! Come have sex with me!"

"No," Chelsea said.

"Why not? I haven't even tortured you! We have to go straight to the happy ending now!"

"There would be nothing happy about that ending I assure you. I'm not doing it, because one, you're crazy. Two, I'm a Christian. I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

"What? You mean you're a virgin?! That's ridiculous!"

"Yes, clearly, that is the most ridiculous thing about this whole scenario."

"Now, you have to have sex with me!"

"No, I don't! See, that's your whole problem!"

"What do you mean?"

Chelsea sighed in frustration, created another disc under her feet, sat down on it, and rode it until her light blue eyes were locked with whatever kind of eyes this character has.

"You're clearly not getting the point, so let me explain it to you," Chelsea said. "This whole scenario we're in right now and your whole fantasy in general is unoriginal and screwed up beyond comprehension."

"No, it's not, slave!" he replied acting completely shocked and offended. "This scenario is completely original and completely good!"

"It's been used in every dime store novel ever made, including in 50 Shades of Gray."

"Okay, fine, but ladies like this sort of thing. Every woman wants to be dominated by an evil man who turns out to be good."

"No, they don't. They might get off on it, but they really don't."


Chelsea sighed as she prepared to give a longer explanation that she wasn't completely confident would make this guy understand and silently wished Albina was there since she was much more competent at wordplay.

"Look," Chelsea said. "I believe in the First Amendment and being a member of a disliked faith and disliked race of mutants that society distrusted before it fell apart, I believe in tolerance. Live and let live, you know?"

"What? Society fell apart?" he asked in shock.

"It did in my dimension. You mean you haven't read InGodzHandz's 330,000-word Portal fan fiction story that's in a perpetual state of revision? And whose characters will eventually be in a separate fiction series? You monster!"

When he didn't reply, she knew her sarcasm had fallen flat again.

"I was kidding," Chelsea said. "But seriously, check out Portal 3. It's long af, but it's a great story. Anyways, ADHD is getting me off track again. That's not the point. The point is that people have the right to tell whatever kind of story they want, but that doesn't mean they should."


"People are influenced by the stories they read. That's why in the Bible Paul makes a point of telling the Philippians and us to make sure they're only putting true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things in their minds. The stories you read influence your view of reality, and even if between believer and non-believer these beliefs about the right way to view reality vary, we can still agree that there are certain ideas we should be perpetuating and ideas we should be discouraging."

"You say a lot of big words for a teenager. I like intelligence in a slave."

Chelsea rolled her eyes and continued, "Your idea here in this story that women should fall in love with a man who abuses them is wrong and people need to stop pushing it."

"It's just harmless fun…" he complained.

"It is not harmless. Men and women have been guilty of abuse in romantic relationships since the fall of man. Bad ideas like these have consequences and victims, especially when they're on the Internet. Any impressionable young person could read this and think this is a desirable relationship to be in or that this is a good way to go about romance. The abusers will think they're doing nothing wrong in forcing people to do what they want, and the victims will endure abuse thinking the person will change or that they deserve it when tragically they could die as thousands of people do from this every year all over the world. I don't believe in censorship. I never have, but people need to start pushing better ideas or people will continue to abuse or be victimized. Do you see what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, but you're being quite preachy. Aren't you?"

"I'm too outspoken for my own good," Chelsea with a proud smile. "It's because I'm passionate about this. Ain't nothing wrong with that."

"No, there isn't," he said. "Since I listened to you, will you have sex with me now?"

Chelsea's face fell in exasperation.

"Okay, that's it," Chelsea said. "You're never allowed to have sex again. If you ever do, I'm gonna come back here and cut off whatever you use to reproduce."

"You can't do that!" he yelled.

Chelsea created two more discs in her hand and said, "I can cut through chains. You think your dick is that much stronger?"

Her captor screamed and ran away. Chelsea dissolved the discs in her hands, pulled out her phone, and took some artsy photos of the dungeon in the moonlight. When she was done, Chelsea used Elizabeth's tear opening powers from "Bioshock Infinite" to go back to her own dimension.