Fri, Aug 30, 2019

Consider this what you may, but this is my unfiltered opinion. My biggest goal in life is to have a career in which I inspire or entertain masses of people through the art of storytelling. I don't write books nor draw comics because I enjoy simply putting things to paper; I do it because the end result gives people the opportunity to see that they become more, to remind them that intelligence is not a fixed element of the mind, to remind them of the subtle, simple things in life most take for granted, and to make them smile because of the aforementioned reminders. Their smile makes me smile. That is my passion.

I know, believe it or not, such a passion is not celebrated enough in the workforce, that most of the public education system is more concerned about test scores than innovative thinking, that the drive of art-something that lies in every person-is being bred out of us like straightening the hair on a poodle. Often, it is only the way society has been structured that stands against providing a means of survival (AKA a good-paying job) that aligns with one's passion. However, no arrow in society was ever changed when people just accepted their unsatisfying circumstances. I especially like this quote from the 2007 film, Ratatouille, which sums up my point: "There are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends."

What I want is only quote "fantasy" if your attitude deems it so. Yes, realism is important, but it shouldn't be the definition of a lifetime. It seems paradoxical to have the right to pursue happiness but not the ability. I'm not looking for a job where there are no tough days nor difficult decisions. One, because it doesn't exist. And two, pain is irrevocably tied to growth. But growth can be negative or positive. Suffering only leads to positive growth when it comes with meaningful education, support of peers, and, something people often forget, the allowance of space to make mistakes. Otherwise, you risk the growth of anxiety, depression, and the development of criminality.

Of course, me being autistic makes things complicated. I get stressed very easily, and I'm prone to entering a mode where I lock myself away from any communication as a means to avoid judgment. In a stressful environment, I can have involuntary responses. Over the years, I have learned to cope with these occurrences even to the point where I'm unrecognizable to my past self, but that's because I've accepted it and learned to use it to my advantage. But to dismiss my autistic tendencies would be to deny me of me. And that's why I broke down the day before yesterday. At the end of the day, my artistic drive is the thing I cherish the most. Without that, I'm nothing. And this isn't just about PMT. The stress I deal with on a daily basis at home deserves its own chapter. It's the reason why I stay in my room, listen to music, and watch videos as much I do. And it's the same reason why innovation itself exists, why corporations form gigantic deals, and why celebrities tout materialism before overdosing. Escapism is a natural reaction that society seems to depict as self-negligence. You can't disregard the power of stress. The reason I'm alive hangs on the fact that I have an innate will to live.

I want to work doing what I do best because, then, my drive will propel me in the best possible direction where I can enjoy or at least mildly endure the roller coaster that life will inevitably be. I may for a time be put in a job I dislike, but don't expect me to always embrace it willingly. My drive is DNA-bound.