Everything is spinning
and I'm quite fine with it that way;
it is loads better
than feeling, touching, carrying
all that oppressive weight
of my unhappiness on my shoulders,
my head, my breath, my being.

Maybe when I wake up,
it will be better.
All I know is that right now,
all I have to focus on is how to see straight,
how to walk straight,
how to get home,
and not how to think straight
with the blinding fog of indecisiveness, insecurity, misdirection, unintimacy-motherfuck, I have a lot of fucking issues-
LOOK AT ALL THIS FOG,
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES?
AM I THE ONLY ONE BLINDSIDED?
At least,
tonight,
I don't have the right mind to think about it.
At least,
tonight, like most nights,
I have an excuse.

Sometimes I wish
I could be drinking all the fucking time.
How sad and empty is it
to have this moment be one of the dullest best?
Will there be anything better?
Well, I
don't look forward to it;
right now, all I know
is that I'm happy with how
everything is spinning.

And I'm quite fine.
Really.
Oh, honey.