i think i enjoy liking you and i think that's why i'm not over you.

if it's not you, it'll be someone else, and who knows who that could be.

you're a safer bet than most of the other possibilities,

especially given that it's not going to happen.

i'm not hoping for anything. i kind of dread the idea of something happening.

at the same time, seeing you with someone else was a shock,

and i'm kind of glad you two are over.

.

it was easy to like you at first, because you were a stranger in a classroom,

but then i had to talk to you regularly and you turned out to be a decent person.

why did you have to be a decent person?

why couldn't you just be an asshole that i could force myself to get over?

.

you're arrogant and your hair is extremely reminiscent of a cockatiel

but you've got a good heart and you've helped me in so many ways.

you've inspired me to be better than i am.

you've also inspired me to be better than you are.

whoops. not sorry. i'm trying to be better than you.

.

i might be over you if you were fundamentally different than you are.

i wish you were the kind of person who listens to terrible music

and says things like, "no homo," unironically.

then, maybe, i could get over you and you could be that person

i mention in three years time when i'm talking with friends.

"wait, you used to like him?" "yeah, i know, right?"

.

it's been a full year and three months since i first met you, and i can

form words around you. i teased you about the hair once.

you called me interesting and said that you couldn't imagine anyone hating me.

i'm kind of half in love with you and i don't think i'd change that if i could.

nothing will happen. it's safe this way. i'd rather have a hopeless crush

than one that has me acting stupid only to break my heart.

it's a form of protecting myself, i suppose,

or it's that terrible thing i rely on too much: my comfort zone.

liking you is comfortable. liking you is safe. liking you

is fun and wonderful and lets me pretend i'm a normal person.

.

it helps that you have this way of looking up at me

that kind of makes me want to die. that really helps.

.

you're cocky and show off too much, and you're really incredibly insecure,

but i think you suspected i like you and you haven't said anything,

so that's a point to you. thanks for that.

have i mentioned how incredibly inspiring you are?

because you are. you really, really are. thanks.

.

i think i'd kind of be in awe of you even if i didn't like you.

you've got this weird indefinable cool factor about you

that you seem to enjoy destroying by rolling around on the floor

or stealing your friend's pink sweater and wearing it.

it's times like those when i ask myself why i am the way that i am.

oh, well. you're safe.

i doubt you'd ever think of trying anything with me,

and i certainly don't want anything to do with the romance thing,

so this is an arrangement i am currently satisfied with.

.

thanks for letting me stare at you occasionally.

you've taught me a lot, and you're a pretty great person in my books.

i'll watch for your name in a few years,

and with some luck, you'll watch for mine.