I wish time would stop still. I wish I had a pocket watch like the boy in the TV show I used to watch as a kid. With one click and everything will pause. The chance to breathe without a weight pressing in to my heart. I want the burning pain to ease and for me to regain my thoughts.
There's only one sentence being looped inside my head. Like a broken record player. However, there doesn't seem to be a switch. I can't make it stop. Over and over again. Louder and louder.
I'm all over the place as the words don't stop suffocating me. There's a lump in my throat in which I can swallow down. My eyes keep watering despite blinking the tears away. My head aches with the pressure.
I just wish time would stand still. Just for a second. Just enough to get rid of the hand squeezing my heart so tight. Enough so I can scream without the sound reaching others. To douse the fire that is burning through my veins.
Or perhaps I can stop my own time. Let the world pass me by as I stay in the same moment. I can pause time when everything was perfect. Happiness. Peace. Like an episode from Doctor Who.
Just inside these four walls. A day on loop forever. The sound of children's laughter. Of hearty and playful conversations. The same day. Just until I can feel the tip of my fingers. Until I rise above the water and fill my lungs with air.