Erica felt the dark room closing in around her, the emptiness pressing in on her like a physical force weighing on her chest. She turned over on the bed but still felt the pressure. Her forehead throbbed as she sat up hoping for relief, but the foggy thoughts still felt too dense.
"Ugh," she released feeling an ache through her entire being. She scanned the room around her seeing nothing out of place, and yet the room was more empty than usual. She leaned over and grabbed the phone next to her.
4:50 a.m.
"Might as well get up," She thought to herself with a grimace, knowing that waking up at this hour would negatively impact the rest of the day. She stared at the phone again. Still no text. Still nothing.
She had known for months who God was telling her to wait for- who her future husband was, but it seemed more impossible with every passing day and now his eyes seemed likely to be on someone else. Erica considered the woman she thought he might be interested in.
She exhaled slowly and knew that if it was God's will she could wait however long.
"But Lord, I thought You told me it was Him! Was I mistaken? You keep declaring it to me over and over again, and yet it seems as if he couldn't be bothered. I'm so weary."
Don't grow weary in doing good, Beloved.
"I'm so weary. I need You to refill me to overflowing. Am I doing something wrong? Does he know it's me and yet fight against it because he finds me repulsive?"
Trust in Me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
"But how could something like this turnabout for good? I don't understand. Please help my unbelief, God."
Come to Me. Lay your heart's anxieties at My feet and I shall bless you with My peace which surpasses all understanding.
"But, God, what if I just want to understand?"
But what if understanding just left you more empty? Do you trust that I am good, Beloved?
"You are good, and You do good, God." She felt tears stinging her eyes as she muttered these words. She believed them, but it had never hurt so much to yield to them.
I will not withhold anything good from those who walk uprightly.
"I am so lonely. Father, if this is Your will why hasn't it happened yet?"
Come to Me, when you are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Come to Me, Beloved. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Do you believe Me?
"Yes, Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. It's so hard to wait, Father. Please strengthen me."
Wait on Me and I shall strengthen your heart. Hope and wait in Me. Those who wait on Me shall renew their strength and mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not faint.
She thought about how this seemed unfair. Why would God tell her that he was the one if she had to wait this long?
Passages of scripture flowed into her heart as she turned this question over to Him.
The thought of the woman in Proverbs 31 doing her husband good and not evil all the days of her life came to her. Was God calling her to be doing this man good even now in her singleness? What could she do for him? How could she possibly help him?
The thought crashed into her mind like a lightning bolt. Perhaps she had been blessed with this revelation because God wanted her to be a part of this time of his life. He was letting her bless him before he even knew it. Though he might not know it, her soul was on bended knees beside his.
Yes, it was hard, but yet another scripture pressed her onward.
Take up the cross and follow Me.
Follow Me.
Beloved, Follow Me.