Quotes from actors/actresses, singers, bands, family, friends, myself, etc.


"When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did-peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car."-Will Rogers (Me too! Where do I sign up?)

"Now Rose, put yourself in my position." "Apparently I'm not limber enough."-Betty White and Rue McLanahan from The Golden Girls (Neither am I.)

"A man walks into a ladies dress shop and buys himself an evening gown. You don't expect anything unusual to happen?"-Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls (Actually I do.)

"GEORGIE'S ENJOYING YOUR DINNER!"-My Mom *tries not to burst out laughing* (He was a cat I used to have.)

"Where are my cockatoos?"-My Grandmother (Right where you left them.) She had dementia at the time and called both of her pocketbooks cockatoos.

"I saw LadyDi drinking from the toilet."-My Mom (Since when is she a dog? LadyDi was my cat and we had grown up together.)

"Happy Thanksgiving!"-My Mom (My mom took a picture of my grandmother sleeping on her chair with her mouth wide open.)

"Who have you been calling in California?"-My Mom (Yo momma. She received the phone bill.)

"I wish you all the best and happiness in the world. Don't ever let anyone get you down."-Charlotte Rae (Best advice Charlotte Rae ever gave me.)

"Oh yeah!"-Luigi from Luigi's Mansion (When Luigi was humping furniture.)

"Ahhhh!"-Luigi from Luigi's Mansion (When Luigi's butt caught on fire.)

"He slept with everybody."-Alice Morrill from The Golden Girls (The awkward moment when Rose told this woman her husband died in his sleep while cheating on her.)

"Living with Mario can be tough."-DaneBoe from YouTube (Especially considering the fact he burned down the couch three times since he moved in!)

"No this is Hill's Valley-though I can't imagine hell being any worse."-Christopher Lloyd from Back To The Future-not sure which one though (I can.)

"You better hurry up, because it's about to hit the fan."-Will Friedle from Boy Meets World (Cory and Topanga's wedding in Boy Meets World.)

"Did I do that?" Jaleel White from Family Matters. (Yes you did.)

"Here's an early birthday present for you Rose." I handed one of the supervisors a stained washcloth and she chuckled. Response? "Very early. My birthday's in December."

"Here's a belated birthday present for you Samantha." The supervisors asked me to give her this pile of washcloths to fold. She asked "Really?" "Kidding." "I know."

"BABY POOPED ON THE COUCH!" My Mom (Baby was my grandmother's cat.)

"There were some funny moments."-My Mom or Myself (Yes there were. My favorite was the time Roxy pulled down my grandmother's underpants with her teeth.)

"Nice picture. It really brings out your eyes."-Keith (I took a picture of Roxy laying on the couch with the sun shining down on her and sent it to my friend. Kodak moment!)

"Attention everybody involved in this text. To think it all started because someone innocently wished you Happy Thanksgiving!"-Keith (The Great Texting War of 2015.)

"Smile! Who wants copies?"-Marsha Warfield from Night Court (Dan was tied up and everybody raised their hands. Got to love Night Court!)

"There are two words you must never use. They are both swell and lousy."-Hans Conreid (The episode of I Love Lucy when he was giving them an English lesson.)

"Well excuse me Princess!"-Link from The Legend of Zelda cartoon series. (No wonder it only lasted 13 episodes!)

"If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn't have had my little accident." The blue receptionist holding up her wrists in Beetlejuice. "Lady, that was no accident."-Ryan

"I have never met anyone like you before." Kyle Chandler from Homefront. (Neither have I!)

"However I need a Luigi painting as well to complete my collection." King Boo facing Luigi from Luigi's Mansion.

"Hahaha!" Luigi from Luigi's Mansion laughing with tears in his eyes when the vent cover was around Mario's neck and he was seeing stars.

"Ah!" When I was stretching out my leg in bed with a yell and Roxy came rushing to my bedroom door. *whimpering outside my bedroom door*

"Where did the car come from?" DJ and Kimmy point to the door from Full House. "Through the door."

"When it doubt, pinky out."-Patrick Star from SpongeBob Squarepants (Or just whistle.)

"Are we there yet?"-Me (While we were driving to the Strawberry Festival. I'm here for comedic effect.)

"Say hello to my little friend!"-Tony Montana.

"There is one good thing about this game and I know what it is. It fits in a toaster!" Angry Video Game Nerd reviewing those Back To The Future video games.

"How could you? I just made it up." Stefan Urquelle at Laura's party about to do a handshake with Eddie from Family Matters.

"This is the drive thru window." Steve saying this to Waldo in Family Matters.

"Better to be smart and annoying than dumb and annoying." Me saying this to my friend. His response? "That is true."

"The fate of the universe rests in your hands." Nibbler saying this to Fry in Futurama. *horrified look on my face* "We're doomed!"

"I said finger prints!" Yakko's response to Dot holding Prince in her arms from the Animaniacs. *she looks at Prince and he smiles* "I don't think so."

"Gort, klaatu barada nikto." Alan standing at the door of his bedroom and putting his hand up to Charlie in Two and a Half Men. "What?" Alan said with a smirk. "You know."

"Isn't there enough poop on the carpet tonight?" Rose tapped Charlie's shoulder. "If crazy were an Olympic event, I would get the first two legs of relay." (Yes you would.)

"Sophia! I didn't know you were a cheerleader in high school." "I wasn't. This was last week."-Blanche and Sophia from Golden Girls Robot Chicken.

"There's plenty of fish in the sea and I'm an angelfish. What kind is Keith?" "A clownfish maybe?" When my mom and myself were in the car.

"Is Jason there?" "This is Jason." "The actor?" "The actor." "You were great as the voice of Kovu." "Do I sound like Kovu?" "Yes." Super nice man.

"You're 40?" *shocked expression* "Yes I'm 40."-Harry and Dan in Dan's Operation Part 2 from Night Court.

"Are you nuts?" *Eddy mumbles under his breath* "I'm going to kill you!" Ed and Double D jumped on Eddy's bed and hanging onto the disco ball from Ed Edd'n Eddy.

"IF YOU LOVE MISS CAROL AT ALL, YOU WILL TELL HER WHAT SHE THINKS OF HER KIDS!"-Miss Carol from The Rugrats.

"Elle, work with Sabine." "Thank you Marco." *sarcastic voice and a grimace to match it* He looked me in the eye and returned the smile. *You're welcome."

"I hugged Veronica while Sabine was watching and I smirked." "You're trying to make her mad, huh?" "I figured she won't be mean to me with Veronica there."-Me and Emily

"You have a huge ass nose." *Ryan makes a fake grimace and I pinch his nose* "I'm only kidding." He said to me "I know."

"Your cheeks are so cute!" I said that with a smile in a sweet voice and pinch Keith's cheeks anyway.

"I'm not doing that anymore."-Me "That is what you said the last time."-Ryan (Famous last words.)

"Your eyes are dilated."-Keith (Probably because I was inhaling computer duster before you picked me up for our first date.)

"Yes! Eventually." The Procrastinator skit from The Amanda Show.

"I've got a bone to pick with you."-My Dad (You and me both.)

"Get back to work Elle!"-Rose was chuckling a bit when she saw me sniffing the clean towels and washcloths.

"Look at what I found Marco!"-Rose or Jennifer (She opened up the bag of dirty laundry and found a rainbow colored poop emoji pillow.)

"It smells like doo-doo and urine in here!" When Michael came into the laundry room and had to ask Rose something. *doing my best to stifle a laugh*

"The machine sounds like oooooeeeehhh." Unveiling of the bailer. I was giggling. "What does it sound like?" He repeated the noise. "Don't encourage him." Marco was mad.

"SABINE'S ON THE PHONE!" Jennifer was in the laundry room and I stood in the main room. "OK!" I turned to look at Marco and said to him "SHE'S COMING!"

"She's my girl." Brian looks at Seth with and responds in a monotone voice. "That's good to know." When we were at this year's semi-formal.

"You know Flo from those Progressive commercials? My brother is married to her sister."-Will while we were at Applebee's in the city.

"Cameal, can we see Anastasia on Broadway next?" "It's on the next schedule."-Myself and Cameal (It's like she read my mind.)

"It was the cats meow! I give it two paws up."-Me (We just finished seeing Cats on Broadway. Being a cat lover, this Broadway show was right up my alley.)

"Remember the time you fell off the Empire State Building to your death? That was soooooo cool! You went SPLAT on the ground." "But I survived did I not" "Obviously."

"So is it not true that death is permanent or is death hopefully temporary" "The world may never know." *cue the Twilight Zone theme song* Texting with Bob.

"Ooohh . wouldn't it be cool to find out theoretically that is" "Me too." "Fwd: Ooohh . wouldn't it be cool to find out theoretically that is" "Yes I agree." (Me too.)

"You should agree because you just said it!" "Why yes I did" "Lol" My friend Bob is funny and a great actor. He really gets into character and plays along.

"If I ever went back to therapy I would have different stuff to journal about now" "Such as what?" "The time you drank an entire bottle of wine and got drunk?"

"lol that was you" "I think" "Oh wait-that was me." *wide-eyed* Texting with Katie.

"And I am pregnant with Keith's child. Just thought I would let you know." "Oh so it was an immaculate conception." *tries not to burst out laughing*

"Howie is like a little kid. He's almost 52 and when we were in the van, he was doing the pee-pee dance." Marco retelling the story to Jennifer.

"Wyatt's my little Bubba." Samantha talking about her Siberian Husky.

"Good morning Elle Goat." Lauren when we were in the break room.

"Why do I wash them if you are going to drop them on the floor?" Marco when the washcloths and towels were falling onto the floor.

"Loose lips sink ships. Snitches get stitches."-Marco (Wisdom from Marco.)

"When you're stuck in the freeway because of an accident and there is an absolute standstill, you might see it as an inconvenience. I see it as a photo opportunity."

"How often do you get to stand in the middle of a freeway, right? Yes." *pauses for a moment* "I should probably get back in the car." Jason Marsden on Instagram.

"We tried not to let the phantom accost you." *Merton holding Lori's hands* "The phantom did get me, but then I broke free." Big Wolf on Campus.

"They're rats?" "Summer, that's not cute." Ratz 2000.

"Here is your initiation to our group." *lightly pinches select few people's cheeks and noses*

"You guys are the Three Stooges, but Keith is the fourth stooge." "I look like Moe-well the hair." "Personality wise Keith is Moe, because he's level-headed." Which is true.

"Ryan is Larry, Brendan is Curly, and you are Shemp." Bryan agrees with that.

"I asked Ryan, Bryan, and Brendan about Keith's sense of humor. They all said the same thing: he's got a good sense of humor." And I've seen it-well for the most part.

"Here goes another rant. Let me pull up a chair and get a bucket of popcorn." Did I mention that he's also sarcastic?

"Hey you." "Hey dude." "Did you just call me dude?" "I didn't call you late for dinner." "You have a charming personality." "Thanks." Seeing Marc in the copy room.

"Hey dude." "I am a dudette." "Would you rather I call you late for dinner?" "Dude's drool and dudette's rule." Seeing Toby in the hallway and high fiving with each other.

"Good morning lemon meringue pie!" All week long I've been saying "Good morning (insert dessert here)" To my friends and they respond differently. They are the best!

"You sort of look like him." "I suppose so." Showing Keith a picture of Chuck from Simple Plan. Personality wise they are very much alike.

"Haha." "What's so funny?" "You." "How?" "I said so." "Thanks. You are too." "Thanks." Toby walking down the hallway and seeing me knock on my supervisor's office door.

"Remember Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls?" "Remember the Max Headroom Incident?" "It's on YouTube." "You showed me that video." "Yes I did." My other best friend.

"I don't remember a whole lot about that video and it didn't air in New York." "Well at least somebody didn't smack the naked butt of the man disguised as Max Headroom."

"No they didn't." *pause* "Oh wait-they did." "It happened before I was born."-Ryan and myself (Me too.)

"Who's answering the phones now?" "Rose, me, and other people." *wide-eyed* "You are answering the phones?" "Yes. Why?" *nervous smile* "We're doomed!"

"And this is Uncle Phil's toothbrush!" "Spock, is that you?" Fresh Prince of Bel Air episode with William Shatner.

"Oh boy!" Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

"Sup?" "Aha, so you are Waldo's cousin!" Family Matters episode.

"I may take you to some parties." "Want to see a Broadway show with me?" Before Benji married Cameron Diaz. Took place in the summer of 2006 or 2007.

"Nibbler told Fry the fate of the universe rests in his hands." "If that is true, then we are DOOMED!" "And what a fate it is." "Well maybe he'll surprise us." "Perhaps."

"And a donkey will take a diarrhea dump in my ear." *rolls eyes* "I am sure not sure that will happen." Texting with Bob.

"Fry saving the world is like a donkey taking a diarrhea dump in my ear. It defies the laws of gravity and physics." "Are you are so correct."-Me and Bob (Yes I am.)

"People say there is no humor in death, there actually is and it's written in stone...literally." "Yes we have seen some of these tombstones."

"[Autoreply]Nibbler: The fate of the universe rests in your hands." "If it's in my hands are we not doomed?!" "When you put it that way..." He cracks me up!

"The awkward moment where you have to tell a woman that her husband died...in your bed."-Me (Which is exactly what happened to Rose in the Golden Girls-NOT Blanche.)

"I don't know what is sweeter. You or the cupcakes." "Well I am full of sugar." "And spice and everything nice?" We were in the kitchen frosting cupcakes.

"Who's that bald guy in the kitchen?" "He's kind of cute." *tries not to smile* "His name is Jose." One of our coworkers came into our office and asked who the bald guy was.

"I didn't know we had clowns on the bus." Chuck from Simple Plan when Jeff and David got in front of the camera while being interviewed on their tour bus.

"One of those pictures that gets shown at your wedding reception." An Instagram user said that when Jason Marsden posted a picture of his cat Mango sleeping.

"How old are you?" "39." "How old will you be next year?" "34." Someone that I know in real life and has no idea what's going on.

"What's your name?" "Gaston." "What's my name?" "I don't know." "Her name is Elle." "Thank you Stephen." "You're welcome." Hershey, PA trip with 16 other people.

"Do you smell that really horrible stink right now?" "Yes I do." This guy had cabbage with his dinner and the back of the bus stank really badly.

"Are you really going to buy and read that book?" "Mmm yes."-Annie and myself (I decided to return it and the computer froze.)

"Have you ever read this book before?" "No I haven't, but I went to Edgar Allen Poe's grave. It's not really far from here." Perhaps I should have kept the book after all.

"You know you were in my dream last night." "Cool." "What was I doing in it?" "You were pregnant." *the scream painting emoji*-Keith and Myself (Interesting dream.)

"Who was the father?" "Some guy named Nathan." "Funny enough that I ate a Nathan's hot dog yesterday." "Then I guess you had both of Nathan's hot dogs. lol" (Yep.)

"I just did something so awesome! I bought a book titled "Where Are They Buried?", returned it, and the computer froze." "Wow so awesome lol" Keith cracks me up.

"Everybody has been acting weirder than usual this week. How about in your neck of the woods?" "Yes they are." I think it's because the full moon is extra strong this week.

"What do you think of Gaston?" "He's something else." "How about Stephen?" "He's cool without even trying to be." (That I can agree on.)

"Look at that Abu! It's not everyday you see a horse with two rear ends." We all know where that quote came from, right? Aladdin 1992!

"You're not going to lick all of those envelopes with your tongue, are you?" "You saw that one episode of Seinfeld, huh?" "That's why I said that." Miss that show!

"I thought maybe I was hallucinating or dreaming it." My bed shaking during the earthquake in New York in the year 2011 and my other best friend felt it too.

"Time is an illusion"-Albert Einstein. (If that's true, then it's not the year 2017. Albert Einstein said it, so that means it's true.)

"I had nothing better to do today, so I thought I would see all you mental patients-I mean great friends whom I have known for a long time." *smiles sweetly*

"Austin, I am your father." "Really?" "No, not really. I can't back that up. I have always wanted to say that." Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.

"You're slow. You know that, right? And Michael too."-Me saying this to my mom about herself and my brother.

"You make a good armrest." "Arielle says that to."-Myself and Jana (I rested my arm on my friend's shoulder on Sunday. Her sister also said that. Great minds think alike!)

"How are you this morning?" "Good. How are you?" "I'm human this morning. Yesterday I was a Kryptonian." "Ok?" When I greeted my coworker this morning.

"It was so humid this morning that when I took a shower, I lathered up the soap all over my body." "Good for you." I failed miserably at trying to "turn on" my friend.

"Don't do that. It's inappropriate." "You mean shaking my booty?" "It's not professional." "I'm sorry." Rose gave me a dirty look at that one.

"What are we doing?" "I'm sorting." "It looks like your counting the tiles." Marco and Sabine gave me a dirty look when they saw me looking down at the ground.

"What does this remind you of?" "Ahh...girls?" "Yakko, you're obsessed with girls!" "You're the one showing me all the sexy pictures." The Animaniacs ladies and gentlemen.

"Little sister Dot, dust for prints." "I found Prince." "No, no, no! I said finger prints." "I don't think so." Yakko, Wakko, and Dot solving a mystery.

"Give me the bird." "We'd love too, but Fox censors won't let us."-Pilgrim and Yakko from the Animaniacs (Anyone else watch the Animaniacs besides myself?)

"YOU IDIOT! YOU LEFT THE KEYS IN THE CAR!" Amy Yasbeck from Problem Child.

"You're in big trouble, Mister!" Michelle Tanner from Full House.

"It was fun." "Talking about sex with your mom?" "Hahaha. No-with you're mom bro! Oh is she going to see that?" "Yes." "Hello there!" "Patrick, what is this? This guy is completely whacko! In his dreams only." Jeff Stinco, Patrick Cunningham, and Mrs. Cunningham from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"I'm really bummed out that you're filming me right now. Can you go away?" "Okay." Chuck Comeau and Patrick Cunningham from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"STOP filming me man!" Jeff Stinco from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"I just got some new boots today." David Desrosiers from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"It's a cool color." Pierre Bouvier from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"I used to clean stupid toilets in my stupid high school." Sebastien Lefebvre from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"Give your mom a break." "I would like to, but I'll get arrested for assault."-My mom's friend and myself (In the car with my mom's friend.)

"This is Chuck going to bed right now. This is where he likes to sleep." *Chuck's holding a pillow and blanket* Sebastien Lefebvre from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"Don't listen to him. He's had a bit too much to drink." *Pierre making drinking gestures* Pierre Bouvier from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"Now that we're along for a few seconds, please tell me honestly-uh what do you think of that groom?" *Jeff chuckles* "He's hot." Jeff and Patrick from Simple Plan: A Big Package For You.

"You forgot to add Hugh Jass to the list." "Don't worry-I already added you." Keith making a list of birthdays in our bowling group.

"How is my favorite dance instructor doing?" "I don't know. Why don't you ask her?" My ballroom dancing instructor beat me to the punchline.

"Is this Debbie or Diane?" "No, it's Elle." "Oh! You must be a newbie." I was confirming a doctor's appointment and the woman didn't recognize my voice.

"Aw cute! Thanks for showing me your pussy lol" "You can see my pussy anytime." "Thanks" I showed Keith a picture of my cat Dusty and his comment made me laugh.

"Alright girls, now let's share our nastiest sex stories." "Check please!"-The Golden Girls on Robot Chicken (There was a man sitting in the table behind them and didn't want to hear it.)

"You are always on that phone of yours." "Guess that means I'm a phony." "Haha, good one."-Cliff the taxi driver (I'm always on my phone texting and playing games)

"Do you have any jokes for us?" "This entire group is a joke." "Ooooh!"-My friend's mother and myself. (Today was my bowling group's 11 year anniversary party and the nickname "Social Director" has been bestowed upon me.)


If you have any quotes you would like me to add-whether they are from celebrities, characters, real people, etc.-please send me a PM with the quotes and I will credit you.