Saturday 4th August 2018, 1:54pm
Crazy that it's been way over a year since I've posted something on this sight and it's crazy to look back at how I used to be when I last wrote an entry into a pillowbook. I definitely need to do an update, not for any readers, but for future me because I've recently been re-reading all my pillowbooks and while they are very cringey and awkward to look back on, I'm so glad I have nearly 5 years worth of writing dedicated to me. I want to have more, and one of my biggest regrets from this past year is not writing about them in a pillowbook. I would have loved to be able to read all about my first year of university in 5 years time. So, I guess this next pillowbook will be a way for me to look back and write about the fun I had in my first year whilst also talking about what I'm doing with my life at the moment. For now, I need to update this on what I've been up to for the past 13.5 months.
1) Quinn and I tried to make long-distance work but I already sort of knew it wouldn't. I had strong feelings for her, yeah, but in hindsight, she changed too much of me. It's put me off relationships and I'm glad, for now. Not that there are many lesbians in Swansea anyway. Starting university is hard for the majority of people - my anxiety went through the roof during Fresher's and rather than calming my anxiety, having a relationship with someone who only seemed to care about her own wellbeing was so anxiety inducing that I couldn't cope. That's not her fault, Quinn should have focused on what she needed and not me. The problem was that she expected me to focus on what she needed whilst not returning the favour to me. I ended it. More on Quinn in the future, is my guess.
2) I got into my top University choice! Swansea! To study history. And it's been so fun - I love the course and I've just got my first year results back: I got 1 first and 5 2.1s over the 6 modules that I did in the year. I'm so pleased with that, as it means I can definitely improve and hopefully manage to work towards a first in my overall grade. I didn't actually get ABB in my A-levels, which is what they were asking for. But about 2 weeks before results day, without me realising, Swansea changed my offer to an unconditional offer, meaning it didn't matter what grades I got.
3) I've made so many friends in my first year and they're pretty awesome. They weren't just my flatmates - some of them lived in the flat opposite ours (I was in 193 and they're in 195) and some were from my course. My 6 flatmates were: Mike, Tom, Jay, Jord, Kayla and Nat although Nat ended up dropping out at the end of February. We're still friends though - she just spent the last week at my house! She and Jord are from Cardiff, Mike lives on the Isle of Wight, Jay and Tom are mainland Englanders and Kayla is from Belfast. From that flat, I'm living with Jord and Tom next year. We were gonna be living with Nat but obviously she's gone back to Cardiff. In 195, there was: Daisy, Jess, Dan, Molliee, Brian, Rhys and Evan. And we were also friends with a guy called Dylan who lived somewhere else in our block (flat 188). He's amusing and I'm going to be giving tales of my halls experience in this pillowbook which he plays a big part in - and not in a good way, haha! Daisy is probably my best friend from Uni - we're quite similar but not too similar and always just hung out in each other's rooms doing what we'd be doing by ourselves but with each other. I'm going to be visiting her in Bedford during this summer as well! Dan and her will also be living with me, Tom and Jord and so will a random girl we found on Facebook called Jo. Me and Daisy have met her once and she seems nice so hopefully it will go well. Jess was originally going to be living with us too but she went a bit insane (for an unknown reason) and dramatically left our House Hunting group chat. We never hang out with Rhys or Molliee, and Evan occasionally comes out with us at night but not really. Brian is Kayla's boyfriend and he's from Belfast too. Daisy was the only English person living in that flat - all the others apart from Brian were from Wales. Which makes sense, seeing as Swansea is in Wales. There are a few other people that I've become close to but I'll just talk about them in future chapters as this point is already too long.
4) I'm the happiest I've ever been and my anxiety has decreased so much. My mum and I always agreed that uni would either make me or break me and I'm relieved to say that it made me! Made me happier, more confident, more open to saying yes, more willing to talk to people... it's been such a good change for me. I think going so far away from home really helped because although it was so hard for me in the first week or two, the 5 hour train journey meant I couldn't go home whenever I felt like it and that was good.
I don't really know what other major things have happened for me to update on... I'm still the same person, just happier and more confident. I'm 6 series in to a Grey's Anatomy rewatch, I still read so much and my writing is still going strong. Jake's just finished his GCSE's, my dad's company declared bankruptcy but now he's self-employed and much better off for it, my mum and I still have our arguments but our relationship has definitely improved... Lyn is still insane and Cas and AJ are still awesome. Cas has a job now, AJ just finished her a levels and somehow, my other cousins are really old now! Cleo is starting year 7 in September! And Jessica is starting year 5. My high school and sixth form friends are doing good and we've met up a few times. Oh, also, my name is actually Megan because 14-year-old me thought creepy strangers on the internet would find me in real life if I said my real name. Astrid was just a name that I'd always loved. I won't say Cas and AJs real names because I don't know if they want me to.