Why?

Why does it look like pure exhaustion is crushing your soul?

Why does it seem as if you feel like you've lost everything?

Why...

do you feel so... so...

sad?

Your eyes look so...

so hopelessly empty.

So...

utterly bone-chillingly, heartbreakingly, soul-crushingly...

...dead...

Seeing you like this,

I...

I can't...

I can't eat.

I can't see.

I can't breathe.

With the waterworks choking, blinding the sheer stuffing out of me.

The inhuman effort to hold it back...

is killing me.

However.

not as much as the depressive state you reverted back to.

You...

You promised you'd never cut again.

You swore you'd remain in control.

You vowed you'll stay positive.

So...

Where's your ineffable sparkle?

Where's your sweet smile with a missing tooth?

Where's the horse-laughing...

happily dancing...

excessively bear hugging...

annoyingly affectionate...

person I know?

When i witness those tears slip down your pink cheeks...

It guts me.

Every time.

Whenever i hear those strangled whimpers while you're trapped in a nightmare...

When those nightmares persist to torment you night after night...

When you wake up so devoid of color and life,

I go crazy.

I would break down and sob pathetically... but...

That.

That will undoubtedly make things worse.

I...

want to help...

I want to support you.

I want you to heal.

I want you to be the happiest of happy.

You're the most precious mochi in the universe...

You deserve everything you want, need, and much, much more.

After all the suffering you went through,

Yeah, how could you not?

Please...

if...

if there's anyone, anyone who can guide my friend back,

Please... please...

Please do so.

Because...

There's nothing i can do.

Nothing that will work.

You make me happy.

You make me the happiest I've ever been.

However,

I am,

and will never be,

that one you truly need and want.

I'd be okay.

I'd be okay with that.

Really. Truly. Seriously.

I'd be okay.

But.

Only when that person comes swooping in now and sweeps you off your feet,

With a rose in their mouth,

Just like the "Latin lover" you desire so badly.

I don't even know how the thorns won't stab their tongue.

or, if no thorns, how they will tolerate the taste of the stem.

or the dirt.

I mean,

these things aren't meant to be eaten?

NEVERMIND.

Uh, yeah, my mind kinda goes all over the place...

Back to the point...

Well, if that person can make your aura shine again,

Then, it doesn't matter if you leave to marry.

I will let you grow.

Even if it makes me lonely as hell.

I will let you fly.

Even if it destroys my newly-found wings.

I will let you go.

Even if it kills me.

At least it won't matter because you will finally get your glow back.

Your happiness is all that means anything to me.

And when your eyes are able to smile again,

Nothing else will matter.

...

...

...


ugh. feeling emotions are a pain sometimes. but that's what makes life not so... monotonous... no?

..anyway...

a lovely present and future to you.

may the dreamland tree be kind to you for all nights.