IS THIS REAL?

I walk towards the bathroom, and I have to pee. And I think, I feel, they're the same. I feel and I think, I get this feeling, this thinking, this distance from my self, this absence of the self. This disconnection, this distance, this fakeness, this emptiness, this crisis, this momentary lapse of self-affirmation. Am I real? Is this real? Is this Maya, is this a hallucination? It is. What we see, hear, think, know, feel, smell, taste, is all audited by the auditors of reality. The neurons in my head. Their connections. I'm an amalgamation of trillions of cells, all cooperating, then it makes me laugh when capitalism laughs at collectivism, and trumpets individualization and atomization, when even atoms are held together by cooperation. The forces of nature, the forces of sub-atomic particles. Nothing is alone, no one is alone. Every second of everyday, every attometer of surface is covered in microorganisms, every cell of our body is outnumbered trillion-1 by cells of fungi, bacteria, worms, viruses, etc. All cooperating in the colony that is us. That's why capitalism is angry, vindictive and vicious. Because it can't force individualism on anything, only an illusion. Everything is one. It's not a cliché, it's not pastiche, it's not blasé, it's not emotional, it's not illogical, it's not impractical, it's a scientific fact. I'm frozen in place with this realization. I don't need drugs for this. I'm spaced out, at peace, one with the Universe, I am the Universe, it is me, because that's scientific fact. I'm Nature, Nature is me, because that's a scientific fact. Nature cares, because I care, because WE care.

If I commit suicide, an infinite or atleast 10^500 of me will commit (and the same number won't). But those numbers are our responsibility, and us theirs.

There is not us, there's only we. Do you hear us? There's only we, now I have to wee.

I sense the hallucination, devoid from what already is one. There you are, a yellow-blackish me, off to the corner of right peripheral vision. I haven't slept but you're there. Vibrating back and forth, a shadow person trying to be scary. I am scared, but I'm not scared anymore.

Hounds, lizards, big black white sheep who have teeth, I'm scared of any of you. You'll swallow my soul? I have no soul, I'm more powerful than you, when I'm wearing women's pants, especially, when I'm wearing women's pants. Not that any of them will fit me. You douchebag.

Apparitions, and hallucinations, the darkness, the light, I welcome you all. I'm welcomed by you all. There maybe an extinction headed our way, but life will go on, stronger, better, faster.

I don't fear anything, not nuclear war, not cannibalism, not sexism, not bigotry, not violence, not fear, anything. I only fear my mind. But we'll peace, we'll make love and get back together again. All of us are crazy, especially the ones who think that they aren't. As if they're some special snowflake who can't handle difference. If cooperation is political, I don't want any of capitalism, I don't want any of money. But, sadly, I do to survive, but only so long that it'll take me to become self-sufficient, but then I won't.

I have weed now.

Great.

Time to sing goodbye, sweet love. Time to go to bed.

This isn't real. Nothing is. But we can make it real, together.

Love,

Keshav.