Jealous

Just when I'd gotten over my Agony.

Just when I'd gotten over my pain.

Just when I'd gotten over you.

You went and did this.

I don't blame you.

I don't own you,

you don't owe me anything.

I never told you I loved you.

I'd even told myself I'd stopped.

But now you've gone and done this.

I've never even met her.

"Her name is Kyah."

You said to me, a smile on your face

and she's pretty, she's really, really pretty.

She's prettier than me, is that why?

And I'm happy for you, I am.

I swear.

I got you a ring for your birthday and you loved it.

I saw her wearing it.

I laugh about it, bring it up in passing.

I remember before you were dating,

you were too shy to even say "Hi." to her in Nandos.

I thought it was cute then, when I thought it was never going to happen,

I laughed with everyone else and it was genuine.

Does that make me a bad person?

Does it mean I don't deserve you if it hurts me when you're happy?

And she's sick, because she stayed up all night talking to you,

I was up too, why don't you talk to me?

And when you ask me to go with you for as long as possible on a journey

My heart leaps, genuinely skips a beat.

Spend more time with you?

Of course!

And then you say it's to get Kyah her favourite drink because she's sick,

it's a surprise.

I sit in the bus in silence.

In my head I'm screaming.

In my head "I'm not jealous,

I'm over you.

You were never mine to begin with."

In my head "I want you."

In my head "I love you."

In my head "I need you."

But out loud "She seems nice."

Out loud, I'm not jealous.