My dearest friend,

It's been so long, my dear friend.

What have thou been doing?

I killed a man over the weekend.

It was a once-in-a-lifetime viewing.

Oh, how he hung from the chain.

What a beautiful sight it was then.

He screamed and jerked in pain.

You'd have loved it if you'd had been!

Oh, and that was not all, my dear friend!

His beautiful daughter was there too.

I remember saying: "This won't be your end."

I also said: "I love you through and through!"

Oh my, what a beautiful young lady she was.

But I must admit that I certainly lied.

As she soon fell to the machine's metal jaws!

Yes, she didn't make it long, and she died.

Sadly, I will have to go, my dear friend.

I cannot be here when my wife does!

Earlier, she cheated on me with a boyfriend.

And for that unfaithfulness, she'll be gone in a whiz!

If only she stayed with me faithfully and surely.

Then, perhaps, she might've lived to see a new day.

I plan on tying her up to a large machine securely.

Oh, and after her demise there'll definitely be a buffet!

I can already smell the meat cooking, my dear friend.

If you could be here, I'm sure that you'd love the food.

Next time I'll be sure to send an invite, and you can attend!

This time, however, there are some details I should exclude.

Perhaps I can send you a beautiful photo?

I know that you'll love them. Perhaps mother may want to see.

After her accident, maybe she won't want to see them though.

Goodbye. I want you to have a good day, and I hope that you'll agree.


Your dearest friend.