Second Half: My Memories and My Nearing Death

I have thought of suicide many times before.

Leaving the house, I started walking to school. On the way, there was a road that had the most traffic in this area. I was planning to try it again today. I stood before the road waiting for a car moving at high-speed to appear, and it did.

It was approaching rapidly, seven meters, four—it passed me.

As I expected, suicide was impossible.

I would have died if I jumped in front of that car but I didn't dare to do it. No matter how many times I tried, I always failed.

Dragging my feet to my destination, I found myself lingering before my classroom which had a push/pull door, which was unusual in Japanese classrooms. Even though I didn't want to enter this place anymore, I still held the knob of the ajar door, knowing that something would fall, and pushed it.

Crack! The egg fell on the floor and broke. Then I was punched in the face and was knocked down.

"Who told you to dodge that, huh!?" the class leader, Arakita, shouted as he kicked me in the stomach.

"...I d-don't have a spare"

"So what? Do you think you have the right to spoil our fun, eh? You are a clown. Got it?" As soon he said that, the snickers of my classmates changed into laughter.

He kept on kicking me, and my uniform was already dirty. I closed my eyes. He would soon be bored and stop, until then, I need to endure.

However, he didn't and I was kicked in the face instead, forcing my eyes to open, only to see the same devils dressed in human clothing. Their pairs of eyes were as if they were looking at a being worse than livestock. Their mouths were curved in a crescent as they laughed at my misery.

The usual events played today as well.

My classmates continued to bully me and the teacher would always ignore it, continuing her classes like normal.

Only after classes would I meet my only salvation. On the rooftop, Hanashima Miya would be there.

"Kanagawa-kun, I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you back there!" Hanashima said as she bowed her head.

"It's okay... I don't want you to be...bullied as well."

Tears fell. She was still bowing her head but there were droplets of colorless liquid falling on the floor. "...I'm really...really sorry."


Hanashima lifted her head and began to wipe the tears from her eyes. "...I need to make up with you somehow. How about ice cream? I'll treat you."

She would always be like this. Always regretting when she can't do anything, always there supporting me. I even thought that if she was not here, I would probably have been broken long ago.

Our house was practically the same as the school. When my womanizer father came home drunk, my mother started an argument with him. I tucked myself in the corner and made myself smaller as possible to not catch their attention.

"How many women were you screwing with? 3, 4? It must have felt good, right?"

"Shut up."

"Don't come home anymore! All you do is get drunk! Did you think I do not know that you have other children!?"

He did not speak anymore and locked the door of his room. She continued ranting loudly, accusing of things he probably did and some he probably didn't. My father didn't care about us anymore, and my mother was always mad, taking most of her anger on me when he was not around.

When my father finally hit his limit, he opened his door and punched her face many times until she bled. I watched it happen again.

I watched him hurt mom again. But there was nothing I could do. I could not stop him. He would soon stop when he's had enough.

But no matter how long I waited, his fist never stopped. Her loud deafening cries weakened and her nose was broken. His fist was bloodied with my mother's blood but he didn't stop. He dragged her by the hair and slammed her head to the wall.

He was killing her so I tried to stop him but I ended up being punched and knocked down as well. He straddled me and kept on bashing my face.

"You useless garbage, I never wanted you and that whore as my family!"

Amidst it, Mom managed to speak a few words.

"I'll get you arrested! I'll call the police! I'll put you and your women and children all to prison!"

My father suddenly stood up and kicked my mother in the stomach.

"You piece of shit! You whore! Don't you dare!"

I didn't know how or where he got that. Maybe I missed it since my vision was blurry but he was holding a black machete with a pointed tip all of a sudden. He swung it down, and the floor that was smeared with some blood earlier had now become pure red.


What the hell is happening?

"Shut up! You good-for-nothing garbage." He approached and punched me in the stomach. Next was kicking and lastly, he grabbed my hair to look at my face.

Mom died. He killed her…

"You know, I killed her because she was like that every day. If you won't shut up then," He pointed the machete into my eyes. "I'll have to kill you too."

Immediately, I shut my mouth.

"Actually, you need to die too."

Kill. He is going to kill me... I am going to die. No, I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want that...


I see... I became mad, didn't I?

I went around the house in the middle of the night, searching for something. When the morning came, I took out all the stuff in my bag and put inside a chain, padlock, and the machete that took my parents' lives.

I arrived at the classroom late for an hour but I did not open it and I chained the knob of the door to the window and sealed it with the padlock. Ignoring my classmates' chatter, I walked to the other door of the classroom, entered it, and locked it from the inside.

The other side of that door is the front of the class, and there my teacher was looking at me bewildered.

"Ma'am "

"K-Kanagawa-kun, you are late toda—"

"Kanagawa, you worthless pig! What the hell did you do with the door."

Paying no mind to my classmates, I opened my bag and pulled out the machete.

...So...I...killed them.

The teacher was cowering in fear, but unperturbed, I swung the machete with my right hand, two, three times, and completely severed the teacher's head.


I picked the head and then threw it into the wall, smearing it with red.

"Someone...someone help us!"

"Kanagawaaa! You bastard!" Arakita yelled as he approached.

I slashed the helpless Arakita many times until his body fell to the floor. Even after dying his eyes still looked at me like I was worthless so I gouged his eyes and flicked them toward the rest of my classmates.

They all flinched back, but some of them were looking intently at the door I locked. I then pushed the teacher's table to the door and finally…

The slaughter started.

I wonder.

I grabbed a girl by the hair, pulling it until some came off, and then beheaded her.

What was I thinking when I saw them glaring at me, when I saw them frightened, and when I saw them getting killed by my own hands?

Fingers were flying after someone tried to block my slash.

What did the mad me think, I wonder?




Throwing an arm that I cut off, I replied. "...Hanashima, look I killed them... Isn't that amazing?"

No, it isn't... Hanashima... What are you thinking right now, Hanashima...? She is...already crying...

I ignored her and kept on killing until someone stabbed me with a cutter and another with a scissor. Seeing that, all of the strong-willed students in this classroom ganged up on me.

A student carrying his chair rushed and hit me with it, knocking me down. My head hurt, and my vision was turning around. I closed my eyes, and opened them again.

—That was everything that happened.

I am now lying on the floor with the machete swinging down. Soon it will reach me.

I wasn't betrayed, I betrayed her makes sense.

Aahhhh... At the very death...Hanashima, my only friend, will be the one to kill me.

Hanashima Miya, the only person who has truly cared for me, the only one I can trust, the person that I want to be friends with even if I have to fight the whole world.

We have spent a lot of time together, we laughed together, and we even knew each other's secrets. She was always there supporting me and regretting when she couldn't do anything to help me. She was the reason that I had been able to endure anything. I had been living until now because she was there.

She is the most important person in my life. My reason for living. My raison d'etre.

How ironic.

The only person who kept me alive all this time will also be the same person who will take my life.

But...being killed by Hanashima...the one and only Hanashima Miya...

Don't you think is also...beautiful?

After enduring all this time, I do deserve...this much reward...don't I?

Hey...tell me...

I deserve this much reward...don't I?

- - - End - - -

Author's Note: AND...The series has just been completed! To everyone who took time to read this, I'm very grateful. Thank you very very much! ^^

I have just one question, and I would really appreciate it if you would answer.

"What is your answer to Kanagawa's final question?"

I am curious.

Once again, thank you very much.