A/N: Created April 2nd, 2016
I am more interested in what lies on the other side than the actual living.
Life goes on the way you think you want it to be, the way it is supposed to be, but what is the point when everything you want is something you cannot have. You are nothing more than a mechanism that adapts to your surroundings in order to survive; someone who strives for perfection when you know you can never be anything but flawed, that you can only become what others expect you to be.
And what for? To make a change, to be different, to do something big that will make you glorious for the rest of your life?
And people wait until you fall; until your foundation crumbles because they know that sooner or later you will suffer and despair of what once was.
What's the point, then, if your success will not last forever?
Life is insignificant and unfair; death is inevitable and unchangeable. You search for kindness, closure, happiness, just for it to be taken away so you can move on in misery and forget what really matters, what the world is truly like: Ugly. Imperfect. Polluted. Hated. Cold. Painful.
I am more interested in what will happen the day I die because the unknown intrigues me; a place where I will fit in, a place where no one can or will judge me, a place where I can be who I was meant to be, not whom I was meant to represent. The thought consoles me, but it also terrifies me, because what I fear most is something I have no knowledge of what is. Oblivion.
That is why I fear death, yet also why I wish for it to come sooner rather than later.
My place in the world will be of no significant value as it will continue to be imperfect whether I like it or not. My face is that of a stranger's: someone you have seen before, but cannot pin a name to. I am nothing. If I am anything, I am a smaller chess piece on a large chessboard, meant for battle and destruction, a life of which I do not wish to live, but I do it anyway because I am too scared to take action and do what I really want: Explore the unknown and do what others fear to do, including myself.