Misplaced Souvenirs

(Part 1 – My Suburban Muse)


Asgard, or Valhalla as some people called it, isn't really a bad place to live.

It was filled with a large assortment of ornate buildings and temples, lavishly created with the most polished marble, and brightest ivory towers ever found anywhere. There were silver and gold inlays scattered throughout the realm, each of them gleaming off of the warm glow of the afternoon sun. Nestled along the countryside just on the outskirts of the great realm lye great winding rivers and massive forests, teaming with life and all resting softly in a bed of billowy white clouds.

Yeah it has it's ups and down like any other realm in the multiverse, but hey, as for eternal kingdoms, it's one of the better ones!

Needless to say, for all it's extravagance, and Utopian lifestyle, its way of life was becoming humdrum and boring to the 'All-Father' himself, Odin.

Yes being, 'the man' has it's perks. Sultry young hand maidens eager to partake in any pleasures one could desire, suitors to fulfill any request no matter how ridiculous, the finest wines and mead found anywhere in the great realms (except for maybe Hammerheim, those little Dwarfs really know how to party!), and the most delectable feasts imaginable!

Yes it was truly paradise to any who dared step foot into her hollowed ground...BUT, for all this, it was becoming nothing more than an absolute bore to the almighty one himself.

He would sit for hours in his throne room, and hum and bah, and grumble about anything and everything that came across to him. It wasn't that he was angry or mad at anyone in particular, he was just a bored and cranky old bastard and was wanting some fun in his life. Pretty simple!

Noticing all of this, his wife, Hera, decided to call Odin's favorite cousin, Ra, from the realm of Duat to stop by, in hopes that maybe he could bring some cheer to her husband's humdrum life.

Ra was a 6' tall, gaunt, skinny, dark skinned Arabic looking man who most humans referred to as the 'Sun God'. He had long, strait jet black hair that seemed to shimmer whenever the sun would hit it (see what I did there right? Sun God...shimmering hair? Huh? Not bad eh!?). His outfit was nothing short of what a god would wear. The finest robes made or gold, green and purple silks. Around his neck he wore a very beautiful golden necklace, outlined with emeralds and rubies. Accompanying it was a large jewel that when you looked at it, you would swear it looked like a small Sun or star around his neck. Well, technically it is. It's known as a Sunstone, a very rare and very difficult jewel to obtain as it is only ever found in the realm of the Phoenix.

Many a soul has been lost trying to retrieve one of these extremely rare gems from those flame winged bastards!

Last was his headdress or crown as he calls it. Although not too large or gaudy, it was nevertheless stunning, and it too was made of the finest gold as well. There were no jewels beset in the crown, except for a single Sunstone, set within it's center crest.

Odin on the other hand was nothing like Ra. He was about a half foot taller than Ra, and way more muscular. So much so, that one would mistake him for a body builder! He had long Silvery white hair, that at most times he kept in a ponytail. He had a well trimmed, long silvery beard and mustache to match. His eyes were as blue as the sky and more often than not, when a woman would look into them, they often found themselves swooning! It's good to be the All-Father!

His clothes on the other hand were nothing like Ra's. Odin didn't conform to the old style, nor did he try to attempt a love for it. Nope, the old man was all about the new styles and trends they had going down there on Earth. He would constantly travel down there (incognito of course, wouldn't want those humans to lose their shit now would we?!) to shop through the malls and stores, always keeping up on the latest trends and fashion circling throughout the scene.

Today's ensemble was a plain cottony white t-shirt, a pair of black loose fit jeans (can't have em to snug on the old manhood now can we?!), and of course, the newest Jordan's!

He sat at his large desk, in the penthouse of his throne room, overlooking all of Asgard. He stared outside at its grandeur in all of it's glory. He then looked back down at his laptop (yes Gods can have laptops too! Don't judge!) Ra sighed, "Odin," he said with a heavy Arabic accent, "You cannot let this wanderlust become your driving force! Remember, you are the 'All-Father'! You alone control the Prime Material Plane, and you alone are responsible for this task! You just cannot get up and walk away from a job like that!"

"And why not?" Odin asks with his deep voice, looking up at Ra.

Aghast, Ra replies, "Because it's ludicrous!"

"So was the iPhone but look at what I did for Jobs on that one!" Odin jokes.

"It's not goddamn funny!" Ra replies.

"Hey easy on the 'goddamns' bro!" Odin says with a slight snicker.

Ra, having only just arrived about an hour ago, now found himself in Odin's throne room/office trying to talk some sense into him. He let's out a deep sigh and continues, "Look, I understand you wish to be free of your Godly duties, and live the rest of primal eternity in frivolous folly and debauchery, BUT!" he says with slap of his hands, thus snapping Odin to his attention, "By the laws of the Interstellar Concordium: A creator of a Plane of Existence cannot willingly give up their right as God and/or Supreme Being of their Plane unless they have a true blood heir to their throne to replace them..." Ra pauses for a moment and looks around then looks back to Odin, "and I don't see one anywhere!"

Ra then puts his hands together, "Odin, you have had many children, but none of them were born of true blood heirs to the throne. They are all half human, and the one true blood son you did have, Hercules, gave up his godhood to become human all in the name of love."

He walks to the other side of the desk and puts his hand on Odin's shoulder, "My friend you must accept the fact that there are just some things that cannot change..."

Odin, with a look of despair on his face, folds his arms onto the desk and puts his head down.

Ra, feeling sad for him just says, "I'm sorry my friend..."

Odin for a brief moment takes a deep breath, but then pops his head back up and says, "Well, that's was a nice pep talk Ra but seriously, I do have a choice!"

"Wait, what!?" Ra says with a look of surprise on his face.

Odin then turns his laptop around and shows Ra what he's looking at. Ra looks at the screen and sees an image of a man. The man looks like any other normal person, except he has red hair. Obviously it's dyed and not his natural color but red none the less.

He looks to be about 5 and half feet tall, and has a tanned complexion. From the looks of it he's at a job, possibly a grocery worker or something along those lines. To be quite honest, there is nothing really special or extraordinary about him. He looks like any other human being on earth.

"Who...who is this?" Ra asks him.

Odin stands up from his desk, slaps Ra on his back (which jerks him forward slightly) and says, "That, is my son!" and walks away.

"WAIT! Your son!?" Ra says startled, "That man is your son!"

"Yup!" Odin says with a bit of a smirk in his voice. He then turns around with a bit of side step, "And he's full a full blood god!"

Ra's mouth drops open as he can get out is, "How is this man your son!?"

Odin then walks over to him, he kinda looks around a bit and softly speaks, "You remember a few years back when me and Hera split up for a while?"

Ra looking rather puzzled just replies, "Yes."

"Well, I um ah, kinda had a fling with Aphrodite." Odin says while uncomfortably scratching the back of his neck.

Ra immediately covers the shock on his face with his hand, "You did what!?"

Odin confessedly tells him, "Ya know, we was out with the God of Wine and well, one thing lead to another and well, shit happens!"

"SHIT HAPPENS!?" Ra shouts, "You are supposed to be the All-Father of the Prime Material Plane! The overseer of all living things both great and small! Not fucking Long Dong Silver!"

"Look man, it was a one time thing!" Odin says to him.

"A one time thing that leads to you having a son!? Did you know about this?"

"No, not until about a week ago." Odin says as he walks over to the window again, "I been digging around trying to find way outta this job for a while now. Then I came across something that changed everything. I found out Aphrodite had a kid." He turns around and looks at Ra, "Look man, you and I both know she ain't one to have any kids! So I was kinda blown away by this and looked deeper into it."

He then walks over to Ra, "I found out that the kid she had was a little while after we had our little get together. So I went to talk to her about it."

"What did she say?" Ra asks him.

Odin takes a deep breath, "Well, when I asked her at first she told me it was none of my business, but after some coaxing she finally told me everything. That I had a son."

"Why didn't she ever tell you about this? I mean how did she keep this hidden for this long?"

"For her, she just never said nothing. She kept quiet cause she was told to." Odin tells him as he looks away.

"What?" is all Ra can reply.

"Well, unbeknownst to me, Hera somehow found out about the pregnancy. Don't ask me how, I still haven't gotten that answer yet."

"But didn't you confront Hera about this?" he asks Odin.

"Yeah I did right after I talked to Aphrodite. Hera told me she found a message left in her room that said Aphrodite was pregnant and that I was the father. She said the message never had a name on it or where it came from. So, instead of creating a bunch of controversy, she confronted Aphrodite herself. When Aphrodite told everything that happened and that she was now pregnant with my kid, Hera was so pissed that she cursed the him with Misfortune's Kiss."

(Excuse me for this interruption gentlemen, but perhaps I should take a moment to explain what Misfortune's Kiss is...)

Misfortune's Kiss – If a child is born out of lust and/or wedlock, and not love, a god can bestow the curse of Misfortune's Kiss on that child. The curse inflicts that unborn child with bad luck against anyone they fall in love with. Upon reaching adolescence, the curse takes effect. Every person the victim falls in love will end in misery and heartbreak. The curse lasts until their 40th year of life, and cannot be broken until the victim find true love that gives them the power to truly learns to love themselves. If the victim does not learn to achieve this by the time they reach the age of 40, then they will die of a broken heart.

Odin and Ra look at the sky..."Uh, we good?" Odin asks.

(Oh, yeah we're good! Carry on!)

"Thanks…" he says.

"So how did he get to earth?" Ra asked him.

"Like I said, Hera didn't want anyone knowing anything about this, so she told Aphrodite that the child had to be banished to earth the moment he was born." Odin told him.

"So how long has he been there in earth time?"

Odin looked kinda sad and replied, "38 years."

"Wait, if he's been on earth for 38 years, that means he had been subject to their laws of aging. That would mean..." but before Ra could say anything else, Odin finished his statement for him, "That would mean, he's got 2 years before the curse kills him."

Ra's face turns from shock to a bit of sadness, "He hasn't found love yet?"

"He thought he found it a couple times, but...no...he hasn't, and now he's just got 2 years left to find it and find a reason to love himself. If he doesn't,.." Odin says as he walks up to Ra and puts his hand on his shoulder, "This is my one chance to finally get outta here, and a chance to save the kid I never knew I had Ra."

Ra looks at him with an absolute look of confusion, "Odin, I understand that you feel you have a way out of this, and yes, it is noble that in the process of your own gain you have a chance to save the son you never had, BUT, how in the blue hell do you think you are going to accomplish this!? You cannot just make someone fall in love or find love for someone!"

Odin then grips Ra's shoulders tightly and slightly shakes him with eagerness, "THAT my friend is where Patricia comes into the picture!"

Ra thinks for a moment then says, "Wait, do you mean Patricia? As in the muse Patricia?"

Odin gives him a roguish grin, "None other!"

On the other side of Asgard, in the confines of what of is known as the Great Library, a young 24 year old woman is sitting at a desk.

Although many not see it, she is incredibly beautiful. She stands only 5'2" tall and is built in your typical average way. She wears black glasses and her hair is purple.

She is what many would consider your typical nerdy girl. She keeps to herself mostly, playing video games or reading books is how she spends most of her time. She doesn't really know much about love. She has a few friends, but for the most part she remains most of her days alone.

Her name is Patricia and she is a muse. One of the most important muses that actually exists in the entire realm.

For as much as she is alone, and devoid of this feeling called love, she is ironically known for bringing inspiration, hope and love to those who need it.

Throughout the years, she has helped some of the most inspirational people who ever lived. From Leonardo da Vinci to the Beatles, Patricia has helped bring inspiration and hope to so many people.

Now she sits here, in this Great Library, reading not what you think. Not a book of old or ancient text, but rather she reads the latest issue of 'Shonin Jump', a monthly manga that is released on earth.

She reads it to escape. To get away from the life…

But her reading is interrupted by a commotion from across the large room. She looks up and sees a fairy flying around apparently searching for someone. The fairy looks like a small 2' human who is somewhat heavyset and has wings that look too small to carry his large body.

He flutters around, checking out each person he sees and mutters, "No not you, not you...you're not her...no, no, no..." until he finally sees Patricia and makes a bee line directly to her.

"YOU!" he exclaims as he approaches her. Patricia looks around for a moment and then points her finger at herself. The fairy, huffing and puffing flies up to her, "You muse Patricia?" he asks. This kinda erks her a bit, as it would be nice if for once she was actually recognized for all she's done. Regardless of the fact, she simply replies, "Yes. Can I help you?"

The chubby little fairy takes a deep breath and wipes the sweat from his forehead, "Muse Patricia, the All-Father Odin wishes to see you immediately!"

Patricia can't help but look in shock. Every time she's been asked to become the muse for someone it's always been through her supervisor. Never once has she ever been summoned by the All-Father himself!

Sitting at the table, her mouth agape, the chubby fairy looks at her says, "Um, now..."

Patricia gets up from the table, "Oh! Yes, I'm sorry! I'm going there right now! Thank you!" she says as she scurries off to meet with Odin.

The chubby fairy shakes his head, "Kids..."

Back in Odin's chambers, he sits and looks over the images of his son. Ra stands there looking at him, "Are you absolutely sure this plan of yours is going to work?"

"I don't really have a choice, it has to work!" Odin tells him.

"And what if it doesn't?" Ra asks him.

"If it doesn't then I'm stuck here for the rest of eternity and no one suffers from it! What have I got to lose man?"

Ra looks at him with a bit of disappointment in his eyes, "No one suffers huh?" Ra walks over to him, "It would seem to me that someone has suffered more than you care to know..." he says, Odin then looks up at him, "and you may not have nothing to lose, but he does..." Ra tells him as he points to the image of Odin's son on his laptop.

Just then the intercom pings. Odin, still staring at Ra answers, "Yes?"

A females voice chimes in, "All-Father, the muse Patricia is here to see you."

"Send her in." he tells her, and then stands up from his desk and puts his hand on Ra's shoulder, "Everything will work out, trust me." he says with a slight smile on his face.

Ra, still wondering if Odin's intentions are pure just looks to him and says, "I hope so, for his sake."

He then bows and walks to the door as it blasts open and Patricia comes stumbling through it.

Ra barely gets out of the way as she falls face first onto the floor.

Odin and Ra both come to her aid and help her up, "Oh my gods! I'm so sorry I didn't hit you did I?" she asks Ra, "No no my child! All is well!"

"Are you ok?" Odin asks her. Standing up a bit shaken and visibly nervous, she stares at Odin for a moment with no words. Ra gives out a slight, "ahem" and Patricia comes back to her senses, "OH! Yes sir, I'm fine! Thank you!"

Ra looks over to Odin with a slight grin on his face, "I will be taking my leave now my Odin. Good luck, and peace be with you!" he then turns to Patricia, "Take care my little muse, peace be with you as well." Ra puts his hands together in a prayer position and bows as he walks out of the chambers.

Patricia watches him take his leave as all she can say is a quiet, "Thank you."

Needless to say she is in awe of seeing the mighty Ra. She never has seen him in person before and his regal and gentle aura definitely proceeds him.

After he leaves, Odin looks to the young little muse, "Well, Patricia I have heard many great things about you!"

Patricia turning back around, slightly shocked, looks up to him. She's somewhat intimidated by his presence and he can tell her nerves at this moment are still in shock. She then pushes her glasses back up onto her nose and says, "OH! Thank you All-Father! I try."

He chuckles and says, "Please, call me Odin. You don't need to be formal here. We leave that shit to the humans and anyone else who doesn't get it!" She seems to appreciate that comment and takes a deep breath, "Now," Odin continues, "Have a seat, I got something I need done and you my dear muse are the only one who can make it happen!" he smiles and Patricia can do nothing but look absolutely confused.