Beautiful Tragedy

- for the one who changed his mind.


01

the third brightest star


To the third brightest star in the galaxy,

It took you almost a thousand days to formulate an apology that did not even go beyond the walls that I learned to build when you left. Your sorry cannot even penetrate the cold bars that have locked my heart away because of the fear that it might get burned again.

3 years. I waited 3 years for an apology that almost never came. A sorry for a peace of mind that was never given to me. 3 years, but it feels like I have waited much longer.

You wanted to say sorry, I wanted to forget you.

I also wanted to hear your voice again. To see your sad face. To see the scars that you got from loving her. I hate you for giving all of it to me, because nothing hurts and nothing heals, more that an apology for falling in love with someone else.

To the third brightest star in the galaxy,

I do not know where to start.

When people ask me what had happened between us, I either say nothing or everything.

When people ask me about love, I always start with you. When people ask me why, I tell them I have no clue.

I wish I could write about you the way I fell in love with you, beautifully tragic. The scars you left were used to create the first words that would define what a heartbreak felt like. Each word, each phrase and punctuation my hands placed were all just parts of you I fell in love with- and needed to let go of.

They were all just pieces of you scattered across blank pages of oceans that were created so that what I felt had something to fall into. To fill something else other than the endless emptiness of your place next to me.

To the third brightest star in the galaxy,

Do not ask me to let you go.

Because I have tried, countless of times, it started to become a habit until letting go before I get hurt again was the only thing I knew how to do.

I knew I should not have allowed myself to fall in love with you, but you spoke poetry, and your eyes held the moon. Your mind was an ocean, I forever drowned in and your touch was a home I got lost in.

To the third brightest star in the galaxy,

I now know why you were named after a star.

You would often burn too brightly, and sometimes not at all. You are part of a constellation, I have traced and memorized hoping to follow it like a map if it meant it would lead me back to you.

But I am no astrologer, and I cannot fly to the moon. I am just a girl who fell in love with one of the brightest stars in the galaxy. A girl, like all the rest, who wished on a star that was not even falling. A star that tore her whole galaxy apart.

To the third brightest star in the galaxy,

I am still in love with you.

I know I always will as long as you keep burning up there, my feelings will remain held down my gravity. Do not ask me why I still love you, because it gets harder to explain how one can fall for something she can never touch.

You were the brightest star in my galaxy and I was nothing but a twinkle in yours. You have found the moon in her eyes and a constellation in her smile.

To the third brightest star in the galaxy,
you will always have the rest of me.