A dragon was hatched in Sydney. All of Australia and beyond were excited. Not as excited as they were for the release of Avengers Endgame, but they were still very very excited.

Too bad the dragon turned out to be such a cunt.

His handlers/yes men expected this but were still caught off guard when, during the groundbreaking super exciting first meeting with the Aussie people, the dragon decided to eat the Prime Minister.

The shit got real after that.

Everyone else realized the dragon was a massive threat. Lots of screaming and running and fire. Because the dragon could breathe fire and he was trying to roast a few people alive. Some say it was threatened by local wildlife. A coalition of koalas and kangaroos wanted the dragon off their turf.

This was some intensely bad shit. A few people got arrested, not eaten, for stripping and offering themselves to the dragon. Because the idea of being burned alive is sexyful. Gets the ladies moist and the guys pumped up.

Well, back home in the normal first world part of planet earth, the Americans who are obviously the smartest, fattest, bravest, strongest, foulest, meanest, cheapest, richest people in the world were making plans to kill the dragon and use its hide as boots for all of them to wear when they visited Texass.

Not a typo.

And they would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling bastards at PETA with their hostile signs and their threatening calls and their angry emails and their annoying petitions and their ugly t-shirts about saving pitiful creatures that posed no threat other than burning the world to ashes.

Everybody knew this dragon was a dangerous creature. But PETA got the poor, innocent, bullied, misunderstood, endangered, one of a kind dragon off OJ Simpson style.

Now the dragon form of The Juice is free to sit around and talk all the shit it wants, free to giggle about how it got away with murder, free to play golf any time its black heart desires.

But... where did the dragon come from in the first place?

Clearly - and keep this quiet - this is Trump's fault.