To my future self.

There are so many things I wish for you. So many things I hope for. Stability, love, acceptance, strength, health and happiness and so much more! I wish for these things because some of them, I don't have so strongly today. Others, I hope you have plentiful of, even though today I have them as well.

I hope you're healthy and stable, and don't need or want for much. When you are in tough financial time, I hope you at least have the support around you to help you out of those situations. I hope you have support of all kinds. That family and friends are there at your side through any and all hardships. That you can go to them just as they know they could come to you

I hope you don't have everything figured out. That there are still lessons you need to learn, but the ones you have learned from have benefited you even if they hurt. I hope you faced no mistake you couldn't handle and you stood back up where you never imagined you could. That you've faced and surpassed obstacles you never believed possible. I know today I am strong, and I hope my strength has grown and you are a better me for it.

I hope you read this and all I have hoped for so far is reality. All I've listed and a million other good little things I would've never thought to mention. That way, I have some pleasant surprises ahead of me.

If not yet, and you're in a tough time now, then maybe you're smiling at this because you have forgotten about this letter for some time and it reminds you of that optimism you felt so strongly while writing this. If times are tough now, I hope you don't simply remember that optimism, I hope you feel it. I hope these words remind you of your strength, because you are strong, even in times that feel overwhelming. You can get through anything. I believe that, and I hope that belief hasn't been snuffed out.

As far as love goes, it doesn't matter where it's from. A lover, a friend, a pet or whatever else, I hope you have love in your life. I hope you have all kinds of love and support. Passion even! Passion for things I love today! That no matter how old you are, your childish interest haven't faded. That watching cartoons and obsessing over shows still makes your heart a little lighter. Maybe, you have even more fandoms then I do today. I hope you have new passions as well as old ones. That art and writing are still great loves of yours. That typing up a story still transfers you to a clear, happy headspace. With drawing, I hope you still get lost in your creations. That you still sit for hours, not really realizing the passage of time, as you sketch away and your body cramps from being still in one position for so long.

Above so many things, I hope so desperately that you're happy.

You deserve to be.

I hope you remember that you weren't at 22.

That while you had love and support, you still had so much piling up inside that you could never put into words. I hope you've figured it out by now. How to put it into words. How to process and talk about the bottles cracking inside you.

It's okay if you haven't.

It's okay not to be happy.

I have trusted and loved and it hasn't always worked out. Maybe it's happened since writing this and you have had to deal with the scars and emotions since. But I know you will get through it because I know I will get through what I'm facing today. I have hope the future is better and that you are smiling and nodding along by way of saying that it is. If it's not, I hope your future self reads this later. When it is better. When she has worked things out. Because she is you, and you are me, and I believe I will be okay.

Above so many things, I wish you could talk to me…

I wish you could leave me a letter to let me know that everything is okay. That I am happy and all those other amazing things and more! That you could tell me it works out and I have something wonderful in looking forward to becoming you. There are so many days where it all seems so bleak. Where it feels like I'm not strong enough for myself. It hurts giving myself the pep talks to keep pushing through when part of me just wants to give in to the self deprecation and drown myself in the hurt. Some days, I don't look forward to being you. I am afraid some days that I'll simply never leave behind the pain. That'll it will follow me and swallow me. But I have hope. So much more of me, bigger than the darkness and bitterness, hope's for something better. That you are better than I am today.

Thinking of you, my future self, gives me more strength to treat myself with respect and love. Because it is you who deserves better than the version of you writing this. The burdens I carry today I hope you don't. That somewhere between me and you, I let go of the baggage. I know there may have been other hardships along the way, but it's me who's making the choice to do better for there is less for you to drag around.

Remember me. Remember me with fond bitterness. Remember this version of yourself as you scoff and shake your head thinking "how could I have ever looked at myself with so much negativity." Remember me and look at yourself as you love and appreciate how much you have grown. One day, I know my future self that has found in herself love, acceptance and completeness will read this and do just that. She is the person I fight for today.

To her, and every version of myself in between, you will be okay.