An open letter to my sister

I could ask you a million questions
about how the last three years have been
I could ask about your job.
Or your dog.
Or your husband.
Or your father.

But I won't.

I don't even know if you know
what you have done
what you have left broken
shattered

No.
I am not talking about me.
Do you care?
Would you care
if I was talking about me?
Probably not.

You remember that day
on the back porch?
The day you admitted you were lying
about talking to him.
the person I hate most.
You were worried
about my reaction.
I almost punched you that day
but chose to walk away instead.

The past two years have been
nothing short of eye opening.
You know I always thought
I would be like him.
I look just like him, ya know.
But it was you the whole time
hiding behind literally everything.

I don't know you at all.
I sometimes forget that
I have a sister.

There are people in
my life.
That have no idea
you exist.

But I forget
you exist
because you made that choice
for me.

You left.
I didn't.
You didn't
tell me what I did
to make you hate me
so much.

I don't think I hate you.
I've spent the last
two years
thinking about it.

I think
I feel sorry for you.
You have a dad.
I don't.
My dad
died when I was
16 years old.

I don't know if you're dead yet.
You could be
and I would never know.
Who would call me?

Sometimes,
people ask me about you.
Heard from her?
No.
Know how she's doing?
No.

People look at me
with pity.
Like it was me
who lost something.
No.

I lost nothing.
Why would I
want to be tied to
someone who
doesn't even
call their mother
on her birthday?
Or mother's day.
Or Christmas.

Why would I want to
associate with
the person who
made up stories that
he was beating us?
Or I guess just you.
Never laid a finger on me.

Some things became a lot
easier
when you left.
Breathing.
Talking.
Holidays.
My birthday.

Some things became a lot
harder
when you left.
Writing.

I haven't written anything
since you left.
Probably just a coincidence.

I look at your social media
sometimes.
I saw
a wedding picture.
My invite
must have been lost
in the mail.

That's alright.
Maybe you will
get the address right
for your next
wedding.
Probably not though.
My address changed
in the last year.

I don't know
what I would say to you
if I saw you today.

I probably wouldn't
say anything.
We all know
how I tend to say things
that are probably
better left unsaid.

In therapy yet?
Figure out your diagnosis yet?
I think I know what it is!
Can't tell you though.
It's a secret.

I hope
One day
you learn to be
an adult.

I hope
one day
you learn to be
a better person

I am no stranger to cutting
people out of my life
But you know that
Because you're no stranger
to running
right back to those people.