I listen to the words you say to me now

and as I look at you straight in the eye,

I can't help but wonder these things…

Is the girl you see

as we talk…

as we hold each other…

as we hug…

as we kiss…

as we make love…

really me?

Or is it

her face that you imagine,

her voice that you hear,

her touch that you feel,

her embrace that you long for,

her kiss that you crave,

her body that you desire?

Such thoughts torment me

every time I look at you,

every time you look at me.

I never thought I would

think this, let alone say it…

but I realize now that

it really is painful to be with you.

We are still together

living in the same house,

going about our routines

as if we are okay,

as if everything is normal,

but it's not…

Nothing is the same anymore

and even if you deny this,

I know you see the change,

I know you feel me change.

I tried my best

and am still trying until now

but I really cannot pretend

that I am not hurt,

that I am not broken

over the truth that

I now know for certain.

And although it's very hard to accept,

this truth screams and hurls itself at me

like ice cold water thrown to my face:

that it is her you love now,

that it is her who has taken my place

inside your heart.

Going through life everyday with you

while knowing this simple fact

is tearing me apart,

Going through work everyday

while knowing that you are

working in one room with her

is killing what light and life

I have left inside of me.

You refuse to let me go

saying I got it all wrong

because it is still me you want to be with.

I asked you again if you love her

and you're quick to say no

but what of all the messages, letters, quotes, dinner dates

and secret getaways that you have planned with her?

Even more so, why don't I see the fear of losing me

in your face,

in your eyes anymore?

Why don't I feel the desperation of keeping me

in your touch,

in your embrace,

in your kiss?

Such thoughts drain me,

such feelings break me,

such realizations kill me.

And I'm just really tired now,

so damn tired.