Hey there, and welcome back to another essay of mine. Just like with my first essay, this one was inspired by appabend's video of responding to this article. I'm not sure where it came from, and I'll have to look back and find out, but I admit that I had a good time picking this apart.

Just a bit of a warning, though: some of the stuff I'll say is kinda politically incorrect, and I will not apologize for it.



Adults Who Like Disney Need To Grow Up

Another fitting title would be "I can't find anything fun in Disney, so I'll ruin Disney for everyone".

So if adults who like Disney need to grow up, do adults who like sugary snacks and drinks need to grow up? Do adults who play video games need to grow up?

Movies like The Lion King is appealing to both kids and adults. The kids will enjoy the bright colors, the humor, and the songs. The adults will appreciate the meaning of the movie, what it teaches, and the complexity of the story and its characters. Family-friendly movies are a win-win situation. If you can't really understand that, then I think it's time for you to learn about it. You learn something new everyday, as they say.

Hate is a strong word, but it's definitely a firm 'meh'-ness that began when I was a child and has carried on into adulthood and the more people who chastise me over not being totally, head over heels, ride a magic carpet in love with Disney, the more I fight it.

Writer, I'm pretty sure no one's forcing you to like Disney movies. I mean, everyone has different tastes, and I'm perfectly fine with you having different tastes.

Call me stubborn, sure, but I did try to get into the spirit as a child, watching a movie here and there...if it was in front of me.

Sheesh, that was pretty blunt.

But 20-something-years later, at lease once a week I'm met with horrified gawks and gasps when an Aladdin or Cinderella reference goes right over my head.

'Oh, I haven't seen Aladdin/Cinderella/whatever,' I'll say, moving the conversation along.

'But, why?' they ask, like I'm some sort of alien.

'I just don't really care for it,' I'll reply.

And then suddenly I'm alone at a party. Cool.

I'm smelling bull dung, writer, and it's really burning in the oven. There's no way that anyone ostracized you for not being interested in Disney. One of my friends isn't that much into Disney, maybe only for Kingdom Hearts, and I'm cool with it. I don't demand that he start liking Disney and stop liking stuff like Batman and Dragon Ball Z.

By the way, I think the writer needs to be a bit more professional. Here she is, complaining about how she's "left alone" at a party due to not understanding a Disney reference. It may be me, but I think she's sounding a bit childish.

After this week Minnie Mouse was given her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame A WHOLE 40 YEARS after her male counterpart, Mickey, got his (even though they both made their debut in 1928's Steamboat Willie), I really thought about how the whole Disney shebang really grinds my gears.

Wait, you were complaining about being left alone at a party because you didn't understand a Disney reference. Now you're complaining about Minnie getting her star forty years after Mickey did? Make up your mind, will you? And if you're telling people who like Disney to grow up and not take it seriously, yet whine about Minnie Mouse's Walk Of Fame and take that seriously, then you might want to live up to your own standards.

Oh, and speaking of "grinds my gears", you know what really grinds my gears? This article so far.

Somehow, the gall of me to not be entralled with a money making machine specifically designed for children seems to continue to enrage others.

First off and not to mention for the third time, no one's forcing you to like Disney. If you're not into Disney, that's fine. What's not fine is you trying to force others to not like Disney like you're doing. Second, DISNEY IS FOR EVERYONE, kids and adults. And third, you're acting pretty silly. You say proudly that people who like Disney are stupid, and when they counter that argument, you sit in the corner and ask "Why does this happen to me?" Lady (yes, I'm sure you're a woman), what did you think was gonna happen?

Which brings me to my first big ticket item: Disney films are for kids.

And adults too, writer. Walt Disney even said this at one point: "You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway." Even C.S. Lewis, author of Chronicles Of Narnia, said, "A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest." But please. Continue.

I didn't like stories designed for children when I was one, let alone now I'm an adult who's like, so mature.

If that's the writer's version of sarcasm, then I think that they're showing the maturity of a four-year-old. Seriously, which kid never liked kids stuff when they were kids? I'd buy it if someone was abused and never got to experience child-like wonder, but she doesn't sound abused. Instead, she sounds spoiled and arrogant.

I could blame my upbringing as an only child with parents who had a similar distaste for anything childish, raising me on a diet of entertainment that involved Monty Python, B 52s, and Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

Again, I smell bull dung. Get it out of the oven. One of the things that I grew up on was Jurassic Park, and that wasn't completely for kids. Kids liked it for the dinosaurs (like me), and adults liked it for the plot, the characters, and how the story goes. Same went with Harry Potter, before the books got darker. So along with kids stuff, there are also kids who liked shows/movies/books with a bit more mature stuff like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Dragon Ball Z.

Sure, some may argue Monty Python isn't the best pop culture injection for a kid, but neither is plonking a five-year-old in front of a movie about an unconscious chick who's just...lying there...in a forest, whose only chance at waking up is to be kissed by a random guy.

Ah, I see the writer is applying Kristen Bell logic here. That is, none at all. Does this imply that this proves that Monty Python, which can have plenty of adult themes not appropriate for kids (don't know about the show, but the movie itself has plenty of adult stuff), is better than Sleeping Beauty?

And by the way, writer, you are aware that Sleeping Beauty was a German fairy tale from over three hundred years ago, right? Back then, it was seen as appropriate for kids. In the Disney movie itself, Aurora wasn't unconscious; she was in a very deep sleep, and that wasn't even for the majority of the movie. Also in the movie, she gets saved by Prince Phillip, a guy whom she had met and befriended before, and he himself gets help from three female fairies, who are important in helping Phillip save Aurora.

But then again, that also sounds more like Snow White you're describing.

Or what about Peter Pan, a man - with a fairy as a best mate - who just can't get over the fact he's not a kid anymore breaks into children's bedrooms and abducts them. What kind of adult thinks that's entertaining, or in any way appropriate?

Not you, that's for sure. Plus, Peter Pan didn't abduct the kids. They got to meet him, and he offers to take them to Neverland for a visit. As for the "can't get over the fact he's not a kid anymore", he lives at Neverland, where you basically never grow up. So he can't grow up. The point is, the story's more about the marvels of exploring Neverland and battling pirates. It can be really easy to describe (and ruin) a Disney movie if you take them out of context. Like with The Lion King; you can spin it into a "Lions are tyrannical racists, and hyenas are the helpless victims" story. Or like with The Little Mermaid, where you can make it into "A spoiled brat throws her life away just for a man."

Speaking of The Lion King, is anyone excited for the remake? I know I am!

I'm way too cynical for this. Pretty much every one of Disney's female characters needs 'saving' from their plight by a male. Ergh. That's just, like, against the rules of feminism.

Yep. She really does sound like a brat. Scratch that, a extreme feminist brat. Again, writer, you accuse Disney-liking people of not taking things seriously, yet you say this and act like it's a serious matter.

Yes, you could argue when these stories first originated that sort of gender-role-whatever was in the norm. But it's 2018 and we can surely give these Disney flicks a good once over with Cinderella's broom.

So just because they're not in the current time period, they're not good? Is that what you're trying to say?

2013's Frozen came so very close to being a real feminist banger with Queen Elsa being a badass. That was until her sister Anna's 'frozen heart' could only be mended by 'an act of true love'. Mate, let it go already.

You let it go. As much as I'm not interested in Frozen, I'll defend it. Elsa being a "badass" meant abandoning the kingdom to suffer an everlasting winter. And what's wrong with sisterhood, writer? Anna jumping in to save Elsa from Hans is definitely sisterly love, which shows that love can be in different forms, whether platonic, familial, or romantic. Should the sisters have left each other to die?

There's also a picture of Olaf the snowman, with the writer sarcastically saying "A talking snowman? How original." So what? Disney's made talking things. They've made talking animals, furniture, cars, feelings, toys, etc. Suddenly, talking snowmen are too much for the writer?

And ever notice how everything ends perfectly fine and dandy, no matter the problem? All you Disney weirdos probably love that, but you can hardly label it an appropriate way to lead one's life.

What's wrong with having a happy ending once in a while? Not every ending is happy, true, but would you rather have all stories end with terrible endings? Also, what would you rather have: a happy ending that's a bit bittersweet but still happy, or a very unhappy ending where nothing good happens?

And by calling people who like Disney "weirdos", that's not going to make people listen to you. You're not being snarky; you're being pretty unlikable. If that story of you being left behind at a party is true, then it's no wonder you got left alone.

Disney tries to be the IRL version of the motivational quote favoured by your Aunt Barbra, 'Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.' Yet it's still a lot to go through.

Well, what'd you want them to do, give up on life if things aren't okay? Have them cry about their feelings instead of hanging on to hope or doing something about it?

You know what they say: misery loves company. I really hate making assumptions, but I guess that's the reason why the writer doesn't like Disney. These kinds of people are so cynical that they want everyone to stop being cheerful and be as cynical as they are. At least sane cynical people will find something fun and enjoyable to do to be happy, but people like this writer won't even do that.

Plus, how would you know whose aunt "Barbra" is? I have several aunts, and none of them are named "Barbra", let alone Barbara.

The Disney stories with animals are really my only calling for any sort of normalcy here - but that brings me to my final ticket item: I can't handle animals with any sort of emotion.

Then don't get a pet. I pray to God for the safety of any pet you'd own. Anyway, while animals are indeed different from us humans, that doesn't mean they're not emotional. Dog wag their tails and lick you when they're happy, cats purr when they're happy or injured (yes, that part's true), and wild elephants hold funerals for a dead member of the herd. While we humans can't understand the emotions of an animal, they're still there.

I may be cynical, but I'm not a monster,

No, you're right, you're not a monster. Will "jackass" work instead?

and cartoon animals with exaggerated eyes and the ability to form human-like relationships really brings on the waterworks. Forget the Scream franchise - THIS is the trauma behind not sleeping properly as a child.

What, cartoon animals are enough for a trigger warning?

Who can worry about a masked hoodlum blasting into you bedroom with a machete when you constantly visualize Tod's confused head tilt when Widow Tweed left him in the woods in The Fox And The Hound?

Come on, that's a very sad and emotional moment. And Tod was looking confused about why Widow Tweed was releasing him back into the wild, not realizing that Tweed's neighbor will kill him for getting his dog injured. So this entire thing's pretty much on you, not on Disney.

By the way, you're more scared about an animated animal than a burglar breaking into your house? In the words of Ron Weasley: "She really needs to sort out her priorities."

While the last big ticket item is purely personal, the other reasons cannot be ignored - Disney is just a waste of time for anyone over the age of 12. 14, at a stretch.

Then what would you rather have people do? Talk about how no one loves you? Scream for social justice and death for anyone who doesn't support you? Scream for President Trump to be impeached or murdered like plenty of far-left people? Because those surely sound a lot better than Disney.

And this last one is gonna be a bomb.

Oh, and one last thought, what's that about Disneyland being the 'happiest place on earth'?

Hey, I've never been to Disneyland (and heck, I've never even been to Walt Disney World), but I wouldn't go ruining it for everyone. Unlike what you're doing right now.

Fairly sure spending 100 quid on a ticket to spend a day standing in queues at Disney World, surrounded by screaming children who are hangry, to pay another 100 quid for a soggy hot dog to quiet your own hanger, before trying to find your name on a novelty number plate only to find an abundance of 'Bort' is considered hell. What a rort. Don't even get me started on the Mickey Mouse Club.

Wow. This isn't your average everyday hopelessness. This is...advanced hopelessness. There's basically no hope of happiness for this person. She's willing to wallow in misery and make everyone as miserable as she is. Not a speck of light shines from her. If there be dragons out there, this is one that you should definitely stay away from.

But you know what? Her hopelessness actually gives people hope, hope that they can still enjoy the world in spite of the bad things going on. Hope that people can still enjoy what they like to watch or read, still holding on to their child-like wonder. Hope that kids can learn more of the ol' movie magic that Disney has done over the past 90 or so years. And there's also hope that anyone who's depressed can eventually fight it off and be happy again.

To those still suffering from depression, always remember that there's still a ray of hope out there. Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one remembers to turn on the light.


I hope you enjoyed this essay. I know I did.