Friday July 16 2004 My grandmother Irene Mary Long died that day As did the rest of my family as did the person I was and my childhood I was born on November 6 1990 and I died on July 16 2004 and was reborn on July 17 2004 Thats how I see my life For it truly feels as if I have lived two different lives and have been two very different people What you are about to read is a short story about my life and events from the period of July 16 2004 to Sep of 2004 I shall stick with the facts and try to keep it to my point of view as it was at 13 and a half when this story takes place to what it is now at 28 and a half Today is July 13 2019 and three days will be the aversay of my Grandmothers death I honnor her and my Grandfather with what I about to write

Chapter one

I want to make something clear right from the start My grandmother died of metastatic thyroid cancer which she had battled before and won She did not die because of lung cancer brought on by smoking Smoking diednt kill her metastatic thyroid cancer did It was a battle she had fought before and won but this last battle she lost At the time of her death doations were made to the american luncg cancer assaion and honestly it bothers me for that isnt what killed her Any money made from this well go to the rightful chariety the maerican thyrdode assataion where the dotantions should have gone at the time of her death hoestly belived my Grandmother had more time then she really had I think all the treatments and surgerys she had in the year to year and a half leading up to her dealth were in vain and only robbed her and us of time and what quilty of life she had I was ibstead of being a child at that time I could have been the age I am now and I could have been an advicate for her and a stronger care giver I could have had an adult realtionship with her and maybe I could have prevnted the events leading to and after her death Though my Grandmother and I left nothing unsaid I lived with her and my grandfather and my parents right from birth so I had them growing up and am so thankful for that and teh time I wass givin It shapped me and helped me for the second fase of my life where I needed to be strong the most I feel though I am forever mae=de to feel guilty for that privage and for that upbringing and it still is being done today and also felt deagreded to feel like a guest when other family visited instead of being treated like it was my home as well thriteen year old bridget has forever been paying for those sins and is still feeing the impact of them My mother also has been made to feel guily because of these things as we;ll Children should never be held accountable for parents and there sins and say if theres a family rift you dont hold the child accountable as well and disown them along with the family member your choosing to disown I read an articile a few years ago and this is something that happends time and time again when the second parent passes there is most likely a rift caused by one or more siblings revieling deep seeded feelings and resenment and there is always one sibling that say is the one everyone still talks to but this sibling chooses not to aemptt to mend these rifts but rather play all sides and you see the children of the situation sometimes will folllow the parents lead and disown the relatives as well even though it has nothing to do with them in the first place or they choose to keep in touch and not follow what there parents are doing or sharing there thinking Aldso in my family as well as in many familyies mt mother has been treated as a scap goat because of her problems Its a common thing for familes to treat a memmeber of a family who has mental health issues differently To protect them or blame them for things or to see them as weak My family is no expection to that seneros and themes On the night of July 16 2004 I was at my next door neaghbors house waiting for my mother to come home If you had told me that day I would lose my grandmother I would have said your nuts I honestly belived as she did that she had months to live and there was still time to be with her and such But that wasnt the case But I am thankful for the time we had So I had stayed home that day MY mother early in the day got a call frok her brother my uncle to come to the hospital I honestly dont remember what was wrong at that time but my Mother rushed to the hospital anyway I went to stay as I offten did in times of crissis with my second grandmother my grandmothers best friend myt beloved next door neighbor and well went about my day At the time I figured Grandma was just in pain and would be home in a day or so as she had assumed I should have gone there that day not stayed home that haunts me to this day Anyways I went about my day as normal about 10 or so at nightmy uncle and mother came home I rememeber asking my mother is she still alive and then my uncle telling me she was dead and me saying you have to kidding I honestly was in shock and couldnt understand how she who was talking and with it just days before could be dead When the doctors had told her and us she had six months to a year I remember caloling my dad just as I had the nioght my grandfather died on a friday evening as well no less and then I remeber going to my room and crying but unlike with the night my grandfather died I have no other memorys of the night my grandmother died I have time missing from those days after her death I do remember a strong shift in our family such as aunts uncles and cuouins and there behavor and treatm,ment towards me My mother has two sisters oldest one younger and one older and a brother and the other key players are brother and younger sisters children two older and two younger SO I am choosing not to use names and will just call everyone older sister and brother and younger sister and younger cousins and older counins So we dont get confused as I tell shstory I would have to say I would have to say I saw a shift in the beheavor of younger sister and her husband and there children younger cousins the morning after There was most definaalty a coldness in my home I was kept busy those next few days with play dates and by my father and well that was what my parents thought best and well I think it was One event I remember clearly was coming home the night that the rest of the family had gone to dinner and coming in to my house and seeing older and younger cousins together Being greeted by them stoping what they were talking about as I walked in and having one of my younger cousins saying you werent at dinner I just knew and sensed things were off but I had emontionaly checcked ouut and was just in a shock and daze My mother was in her own nightmare so I know she was in a daze and shock as well I should also point out I have aspergers and depression and anicerty as welll as other things and my mnother also has depression and other things My family always treated my mother like something to proect weak someone to take care of SHe has sense grown as a person and has found a streath Not the same person she was then nor am I