The office was in a 3-story medical building. It was on the 2nd floor, room 203.
I was the only one there, except for the receptionist.
"You must be Jennifer Mason," she said.
"Yes. I have a 10:00 appointment."
"Fine. Sit down and fill out this form, please. Oh, did you bring a bathing suit?"
"Right here." I showed her a bag that I brought.
She gave me a clipboard with a form on it, and also a pen. I sat down and filled it out, then gave it back to her.
"The doctor will see you, shortly."
A few minutes later, Dr Mozella came out. He was a handsome man in his mid-50's.
"Miss Mason, I'm Dr Mozella."
We shook hands. "Pleased to meet you."
"This way, please."
He led me through the maze of the office and into a consulting room.
"Sit down, please."
"Should I take my clothes off, yet?"
"No, that won't be necessary."
He looked at my form, As well as other records about me.
"Stage one breast cancer. You came to me at the right time."
"You can actually cure cancer?" I said, wondrously.
"Well, I won't quite make that claim. However, in the last three months that I've been here, I've seen over 30 patients, and 20 of them are now cancer free. And the others have had their cancers greatly reduced."
"I trust this brings hope to you! All right, come with me, please."
He led me to another room. It didn't look like a medical room; in fact, it looked more like a spa room. In the middle of it was a large square tub; it was filled with mud!
"A mud bath?" I said, with surprise.
"That's right. But it's not an ordinary mud! It's a special mud with curative powers. I get it from a secret source I cannot reveal. I plan to eventually market it, but for now I'm just having my patients bathe in it."
"Now, for your cancer, I would suggest. . .three baths, each for 30 minutes. You can do the first one now and come back next week for the 2nd one. Is that agreeable with you?"
"Do you have a changing room?"
"Right over there." He pointed to it. "There's also a shower for when you're done."
"All right, I'll do it."
I went into the changing room and changed into my bathing suit. Then I came back to the tub. He was there waiting for me.
"Well, here goes!"
He smiled. "That's the spirit!"
I stepped into the tub and settled myself. It felt thick and creamy, more of a clay. And it had the earthy smell of clay, too.
"Now, because you have breast cancer, you will need to cover your. . . chest with it. I'll turn around until you say I can look again."
He did this. I unhooked my bathing suit, quickly spread mud over my breasts, and hooked it back up. While I did this, he picked up a timer and fiddled with it.
"You can turn around again."
He did this. He put the timer on the side of the tub.
"When the alarm rings, you can get out. I'll leave you alone for a while. Oh, would you like music?"
"Yes, that would be nice."
He popped a CD into a player. Electronic new age music started playing.
"See you in a bit," he said.
I relaxed, and even fell asleep for a bit. He checked on me halfway through. 30 minutes later, the alarm rang. He came in again and helped me out of the tub.
I went into the changing room and took a shower. It took quite a while to get all the mud off me! I then put my clothes back on and met Dr Mozella. He led me back to reception.
The receptionist already had a bill ready-$300!
"Can you accept insurance?"
"Sorry, not yet," said the doctor. "My treatment has yet to be approved by the FDA."
"We'll need a partial payment of $100," said the receptionist.
Fortunately, I had enough cash. I gave it to her, and she gave me a receipt. We then arranged a 2nd appointment for next week.
"You're giving me hope—thank you."
He smiled. "Well, maybe I'll be your Knight in Shining Armor!"
My next appointment was Tuesday at 12:00PM. I checked with the receptionist and met Dr Mozella. He led me into the "mud room."
"You can change into your bathing suit."
"Not quite yet, doctor. There's something I'd like to tell you, first."
"What is it?"
"Let me properly introduce myself: My name is Barefoot Jenny, and I'm a private eye."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. And I don't have cancer!"
"No. But I had talked with cancer patients who went to you; they still have their cancers!"
He said nothing.
"Oh, and I kept a sample of your 'healing mud;' It is nothing more than modeling clay! I'm hereby shutting down your clinic."
"No, you're not!"
The receptionist had entered the room—with a gun!
"Good work, Janet!"
"What'll we do with her?"
"I'm not quite sure!"
I had to act fast. I was standing close to the tub. Suddenly, I kicked my sandals off and jumped into it! I buried myself in the clay.
They looked at me and shook their heads.
"That was a silly thing to do, Barefoot Jenny!" said Dr Mozzella.
I stood up and held my muddy arm out. "Help me up."
He grabbed my hand. I yanked and shoved him into the tub with me!
We mud wrestled. After a few minutes, I was able to subdue him. I pulled my own gun out and held it up to him.
"Put your gun down, or he gets it!"
She threw her gun on the floor. I got out of the tub.
"Come on in, the mud's fine!"
This shocked her! I waved my gun. She took her shoes off and got into the tub with her boss.
"OK, you two. Get down into the mud; bury your heads in it!"
They did this. I quickly ran to the reception and called the cops on their phone.
Lt Kirschenbaum came with some deputies. We had to shower off before leaving!
"How about you and I taking a mud bath together some time, Jenny?" he joked afterward.
I smiled. "It's a date, Carl!"